The Point

[Thinkingman85]

I always believe that there is a point that I'm going to reach and I'll know that everything is ok. Does anyone else have this feeling that there is a point that will be reached and he or she will know that all is well? It will be like a breath of fresh air... a moment of truth. I don't think this is an unrealistic goal, but I am confused about this state being achieved. If it is achieved, will I be stronger than I was pretrauma? I hope so.

 

[Hashi]

Maybe you're already stronger than you were pretrauma.

I tend to think of various points rather than one single one. As I come up against milestones in healing, I see a point like that for each of them. I think of it as the other side that I want to reach.

Sometimes, I'll go through something (usually in the form of a crisis, unfortunately, but that seems to be how this works for me) and afterwards I feel that I've passed a point on my healing journey, almost like I've crossed a river or some other boundary marker. I know that we go in and out of things, the same thing can come up again, but sometimes I feel that I've done the major work on that issue and what might come up in future will be only an echo that I now know how to deal with.

I also think there's a future "healed self" ahead of me who's passed all the milestones. I can't imagine what she's like though. I wish I knew. I wonder how she dealt with the things I'm facing, because she did it somehow and it's in the past for her. I wish I could meet her over a cup of tea and find out how she did it and what I'm going to be like when all this work is done.

 

[Kim500]

Hi there. When I was in my late teens and working in a catalog showroom in the jewelery department and having just an ordinary day, all of a sudden I was given a spiritual message that "everything was going to work out". I don't know how to explain it, and I don't even know where the message came from (an angel?). I don't know, but it was weird because that was before the time when I came to know God. I was totally not spiritually oriented at the time. But yet...someone up above believed in me and knew that I would come around eventually and gave me a message to sustain me through the years when times got tough, and sometimes REALLY tough. And that message has stayed with me and comforted me up to this day and I'm 43 now.

You mention that you always believe that you will reach a point when you know that everything will be ok. Is it possible that you are already at that point now? Your belief sounds strong, like somewhere deep inside you already know that it's all going to turn out alright... Just some thoughts.

 

[Kim500]

I also think there's a future "healed self" ahead of me who's passed all the milestones. I can't imagine what she's like though. I wish I knew. I wonder how she dealt with the things I'm facing, because she did it somehow and it's in the past for her. I wish I could meet her over a cup of tea and find out how she did it and what I'm going to be like when all this work is done.

Powerful post Hashi! I believe this 100% too!

 

[Thinkingman85]

I also think there's a future "healed self" ahead of me who's passed all the milestones. I can't imagine what she's like though. I wish I knew. I wonder how she dealt with the things I'm facing, because she did it somehow and it's in the past for her. I wish I could meet her over a cup of tea and find out how she did it and what I'm going to be like when all this work is done.

I can't wait to reexperience this feeling again. The last time I felt completely in harmony has been six years. Getting this back is worth it. When you get there, you will probably realize that you in the past has been a mix of you and PTSD. You will no longer have to talk to PTSD so you will be able to hear yourself completely... A little philosophical :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

Kim500, I think that I'm getting close. The door will be opened again. I'll be walking in a new day... a new time.

 

[Kim500]

Kim500, I think that I'm getting close. The door will be opened again. I'll be walking in a new day... a new time.

That's wonderful! It's even a breath of fresh air and hope for me to hear it, like you are standing higher on the mountain than I am and you can see it from where you're standing! :tup: I don't really know about you but you sound like you inspire others!

P.S. A little philosophical? A LOT philosophical! :cool: That's good, we need fresh thoughts, keep up the good work!!!:)

 

[timid_flower]

I don't know much about your journey, but I think your optimism is definitely a sign of progress and strength already.. isn't it? I think you're headed in the right direction.

Personally, I'm not really sure if such a point exists or how to get there, but I certainly try to remain hopeful. However, I try to avoid thinking much about the future right now. The way I see it is, I have enough dealing with my past and trying to stay in the present. I just have to believe that if I work on myself now, focus on the present and do my best in this healing process, it will eventually mean a better future. I don't have to worry about it right now. Does that make sense? I don't know, maybe that's just me :)

 

[Kim500]

timid-flower, it sounds like you're practicing mindfulness in staying in the present without thinking about the future. Mindfulness is a great thing(even though I'm bad at it!!) Have you ever heard this before? I like it:

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!"

 

[Thinkingman85]

For the first time in six years, my depression is going away. I think with medication, therapy, and learning, I will continue to get better. I tried many different things in the past, such as working a lot, having a girlfriend, or making music. I still couldn't escape the black depression.

timid_flower, I'm with you regarding how you are approaching this. I think about the future, but I realize that my future won't be fulfilling if I am not well in the present. I think in the movie Rocky Balboa, Rocky say that the past can get the best of some people. I don't want to be one of those people where the past has gotten the best of me. I need to rise above it so I can live in the present. My past will be there, but it won't define part of my current identity. My present will define my current identity.

 

[Kim500]

For the first time in six years, my depression is going away.

That's a long time! I'm so happy to hear it!!!!:joyful:

 

[timid_flower]

I think in the movie Rocky Balboa, Rocky say that the past can get the best of some people. I don't want to be one of those people where the past has gotten the best of me. I need to rise above it so I can live in the present. My past will be there, but it won't define part of my current identity

I agree with you, or I guess with Rocky ;) , the past can definitely get the best of people. Sometimes it is so difficult to leave it behind and not let it define your present, especially with PTSD where the past is constantly trying to make a come back. We must continue the healing process, live in the present and make the best of it.
Six years of depression is a long time. I'm sure it has taken a toll on you, but I'm so glad to hear you are doing better. Btw, your optimism is very contagious! I wish you continued success.