Writing Emotion Upon a Forum

[anthony]

Grace raised a point which I will outline here to help some who state or think what Grace wrote; saying they are sometimes scared to write something here because they don't want it taken as if they are looking or garnishing sympathy, as this forums practice is not to tolerate such things in excess based on the principles of sympathy vs. facing fear combined with denial, it all just doesn't mix well to help a sufferer through the very tough trauma therapy stage.

So.... writing here is like writing a novel. If you read novels then you would be used to reading emotion from the writer. The writer has to express in text the emotion felt, what thoughts are going through a characters head, etc etc... they cannot leave anything to the readers imagination because reading text is very different to reading a person face to face, where you can see expression and body language, you can hear tone, you can smell even, your sense are all working through the interpretation process before you respond.

Forum.... text.... you cannot comprehend or interpret such things unless they are expressly stated within the text, leaving nothing for the reader to interpret or misinterpret emotionally speaking. If you expressly have a thought that something you write could be misconstrued for sympathy, then you must write that exact thing, that you are not feeling a need for sympathy or requiring it, but you feel x, y and z.

Without filling in all the blanks, a response can come from many angles, many different forms and variations off interpretation. Remove as much interpretation as possible and often the responses are accurate to what you write.

This is also why within the forum legal policy and rules, it clearly states to ask if in doubt.... if the answer is what you interpreted, then you can continue challenging or putting forward your own opinion with all the facts as you could know at that given time.

 

[goingonhope]

Just found this and see some very good points made here:

The writer has to express in text the emotion felt, what thoughts are going through a characters head, etc etc... they cannot leave anything to the readers imagination because reading text is very different to reading a person face to face, where you can see expression and body language, you can hear tone, you can smell even, your sense are all working through the interpretation process before you respond.

Personally, the text idea is now the preferred choice for me, because I believe that when I use the emoticons too much, to make things simpler, what I've written may appear to noisy and I've found is too easily intrepeted in ways other then how it was intended.

The part about leaving nothing to the readers imagination really stumps me often and slows me down to ridiculously slow comments, due to having had too much experience in my lifetime with too deeply cynical and distrusting folk that even good heartedness and intention, have been misunderstood and twisted in attempts to fit good will communication into another's angry imagination, fears, doubts and beliefs.

And, then consider complications in clear communications possibly arising out from the differences between written text and face-to-face and Wow, commenting from the heart can be very tiring, greatly time consuming and risky.

Have you ever experienced times when you just made every effort to communicate sincerely, effectively and from the heart and it's not good enough because somewhere along the way another dreamnt up something and attached it in their minds to be so and it couldn't have been the furtherst thing from your mind. Oh' this can be frustrating.

Forum.... text.... you cannot comprehend or interpret such things unless they are expressly stated within the text, leaving nothing for the reader to interpret or misinterpret emotionally speaking.

Ouch on what's in bold,

...but so likely true and difficult perhaps if you'll not be able to or won't wish to later explain, explain, explain.

If you expressly have a thought that something you write could be misconstrued for sympathy, then you must write that exact thing, that you are not feeling a need for sympathy or requiring it, but you feel x, y and z.

Good point! A must remember, now that I am aware of this. Everything I've ever written here, I now attach to and qualify these words: I have no need for sympathy. I don't wish to have what I write interpreted as wishing to gain sympathies. Sure empathy and compassion are most appreciated, helpful and even needed sometimes, but sympathy effects me vastly different.

I feel dumb and uneasy from sympathy because it feels dismissive and is generally seriously lacking in connection and knowledge to what is really going on. It seems to be absent of reality and swept up in delusion. Just my opinion and two-cents. Also sympathy doesn't last and withstand, while memory of the giving and receiving of empathy seems to live on in motivation and memory, at least for me, forever.

I don't know, I'm tired and my eyes are near at the point of seeing everything at once, yet nothing, ...do I want sympathy, No! But, are my eyes at this point, fck yes!

:)

 

[Abstract]

I feel dumb and uneasy from sympathy because it feels dismissive and is generally seriously lacking in connection and knowledge to what is really going on.

I am not sure I understand here. I don't believe sympathy is dismissive or seriously lacking in connection. Sympathy can literally be empathy without the experience of personally feeling the feelings the other is feeling. For something to be empathy one needs to actually experience the feelings oneself.

I am trying to understand how sympathy can be experienced in this way so thought it would be helpful to ask to have an example of something to demonstrate what you mean.

I am not really understanding this whole debate to be honest but will continue to listen. I think that what is helpful for each of us is as unique as we each are. Maybe I am missing something entirely!

 

[goingonhope]

I think that what is helpful for each of us is as unique as we each are.

Abstract I particularly appreciate this comment!

And these:

I am not really understanding this whole debate to be honest but will continue to listen.

Maybe I am missing something entirely!

Any motive for my comments and thus me bumping forward this thread, chiefly was a decision to help make available anthony’s points upon writing emotion into text.

As well as, his thoughts on the possible necessity of qualifying posts with comments that clearly state that one is not asking for, or in desire of sympathy, if this is not so. I hadn’t known this and didn’t have use of this suggestive tool any earlier then last night. I thought it is useful to share.

And, I particularly appreciate it right now, for as I respond I’m inspired and becoming aware that such expression of need through asking for compassion, when this need is present, is however available and acceptable for myself included (someone previously unworthy, perhaps too prideful and/or in denial of such need). This inspired and entirely new concept I find interesting to ponder.

Abstract, a bit later, I'll definately get to responding with simple example(s) to the question about understanding how I experience sympathy in dismissive and disconnected ways. But really, me thinks I fouled up my last paragraph through switching language and style of writing mid sentence.

I do apologize for perhaps coming to sound as if I was speaking as some authority on this subject as it was intended to express personal experience and not universal, or that of any expertise on the subject. :sorry:

 

[Britt.f7]

For something to be empathy one needs to actually experience the feelings oneself.

I had to actually look this up because I was confused with what I thought empathy was. Probably what you said, but I might be misreading it which wouldn't be unusual for me today. For empathy you just have to have an understanding, whether intellectual or emotional. I think, with empathy, you don't feel sorry for someone as much as you understand what they are feeling and may feel what they are feeling(I tend to pick up what someone is feeling as my own, very confusing). I think of sympathy more that you are feeling sorry for someone, but this isn't necessarilly negative. You can feel sympathy for a person who is grieving. In the dictionary, sympathy and empathy are synonyms...meaning the same or similar for those who aren't sure what that means.

I think sympathy doesn't help for the long haul, where as empathy can. Sympathy or empathy are going to happen on this site because the majority of us are compassionate people. But I do agree, too much in excess can be bad for anything.

 

[safenow]

I think Compassion (the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it) is what I feel. Even though I can do nothing about it for others, I feel this way. I have to take breaks because I get overwhelmed at times. When people tell me they don't know what to say when they learn things about my history, I understand completely. I feel that way a lot of times when I hear other's stories as well. I'd be a cruel person if I didn't understand. (This is my opinon)
safenow

 

[Abstract]

I don't have time now but I wanted to do a quick reply. I was just meaning that I can see that too much sympathy at times for some people can have negative affects but that sympathy, compassion and empathy can also be intensely healing and repairing and encourage forward movement and determination to face our demons. What works for each or us in each situation differs in my opinion.

Empathy doesn't need to equate to us doing or saying anything as it is the experience of actually feeling for the person. But sympathy can be almost the exact same thing but without that internal matching that occurs. So in my opinion sympathy sometimes gets an bad rap.

Personally I think that if we are empathic people we can most often detect whether expressing empathy or sympathy will keep someone stuck, feeling sorry for themselves in a way that stops them moving forward or whether it will be healing and what is needed. But it obviously helps a lot if people ask for what they need and so this is a great suggestion.

I missed what started this debate so I am possibly totally missing the point but these are my thoughts.

One thing that is more often unhelpful in my opinion is pity and I even think there can be situations where even that can be helpful if nothing more evolved is offered.

Experiencing pain and never having had a human response must be one of the most damaging experiences human beings can experience in my opinion.

 

[Britt.f7]

Empathy doesn't need to equate to us doing or saying anything as it is the experience of actually feeling for the person.

I missed what started this debate

I'm not sure it was a debate, but you did clear up my misunderstanding. Thank you very much for that! Sometimes my brain can be in such a fog.

I do apologize if I have been offending.

 

[Kim500]

Hi guys! I just jumped in here! I can't focus on reading the responses right now but I 'Liked' what Anthony wrote because I think he described really well what I always try to do. I try to explain everything and why I feel the emotions I write down, This way people reading my posts can get a clear understanding of what I'm trying to say. If I write an emotion and then put ..., that's leaving it up to the readers imagination what I meant and isn't helpful since we interpret things differently.

Yesterday I read a post from a friend and it wasn't clear to me so I was very worried about her. I told her that I didn't understand what she meant, and after she explained it, I saw that I totally misunderstood.

Also, if we do want some sympathy, that's ok too! For example, writing: **Needing some hugs right now!!** I think he's just trying to say that nothing in excess is good or really helpful in getting help and moving forward on the healing path.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I wrote about my cat being hit by a car for sympathy. I know there are a lot of pet lovers on here and I was upset and grieving. Is that wrong? I don't think it is. I would have sympathy for anyone else and I would want to express it. I understand that too much sympathy is not good, but...oh well, I'm triggered now. sorry

 

[Britt.f7]

I wrote about my cat being hit by a car for sympathy

Oh that is horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that. No I don't think it is wrong that you shared that for sympathy. Sorry you were triggered. :(

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thanks, I calmed myself down. I am so proud that I can do that now!