Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Sailorgal]

Sometimes we don't realise that we are making excuses to avoid something difficult.

This is sooo true, and how much more challenging with PTSD.

Definitely a difference between being safe out of necessity to safe out of fear of pushing forward.

 

[Sailorgal]

And I could be the Queen of De'Nial, if you know what I mean!

Cute! I like that one.

I'd describe it as more 'no-nonsense', brutally direct, no room much for sympathy, and yet there was understanding and kindness. It's like, with the inherent dangers where he worked, the long tours (required), the constant "wait to come back/ have to leave again/ be away", stuff, everyone just goes along with it, really. Accepts. Adjusts. It's, well, understood it's part of the job. And very much just 'get it done'. We went a lot by "Firehouse Rules", too (same as Firefighter families). I just thought every family was like that.

Yes it takes more than thick skin. I grew up around the military area - my family wasn't military though. It was such a strange concept to me that they moved nearly every year or even twice in a year! No stability and the culture shock from moving from Alabama to Washington to Kentucky to Colorado! I've seen some deal with it ok and others who were already traumatized at 8 years old.

It's challenging growing up in military households were the "work" comes home. In some cases, you can't blame the one around the work because they have to be that way to function (even for civilians working for the military like your dad). You can't talk about your work at times, it's too horrific for your spouse, and there is a lot that goes on that you don't want to talk about. Then come home and hear household problems. It's hard. Not that it's right or good, but you are in a challenging place where what was "normal" was due in part by his work (how much - who knows) and how he was affected by his father's service in the military.

It's clear your "don't talk/just do" ways are deeply affected by your upbringing patterned by your grandfather. The story of him making ski's was a display of love that was not voiced and you follow the same. Just do it...no questions asked, leave the emotions aside.

The beautiful thing is that you have a place to open up and share, vent, explore....

I hope whatever way my life goes or that I 'row' it will be worth it. Or more specifically, I will realize that it is worth it. I may never know. But that's ok, too.

You may not know who YOU are or what you WANT, but deep in us we all have a yearning for something, to be something, to love something, to want something. Even if you don't feel all "there," you still have longings and that is important. That is our journey here.

You have a lot of offer - and I'm not saying in terms of you being the giver. I'm stating it as the world GIVING YOU a platform to shine, shining on the outside because you are shining on the inside. It IS worth it, this crazy journey that has twists and turns. :smug:

And we will enjoy the seafood along the way....my favorites are crab and scallops! (grilled bacon-wrapped scallops!). I have to be careful on Chinese - too much friend and msg!!!! Miss good dim sum. :(

Hmmm I think a sauvignon blanc would suit the occasion.....

 

[Tinyflame]

Hee! Mmmmmm.. :hungry: lol. (He looks like he needs oxygen though, lol..)

OMG, and I forgot- TURKEY. :tup: :smug:

Oh what a sweet thing to say SG. Well, some people are cut out for the limelight, I kind of like being backstage, hee. :)

Yes, I think you're right, about the upbringing. I was kind of glad to find out that much, because I thought maybe it could give my dad a chance to 'work through' that style of relating, even though his father was gone (died when he was 16, I think). I mean, I already thought that, when I was a kid.

The emotions are there, but not expressed (watch out ribs, lol).

My mom was very straight forward too, but more diplomatic, a gentler delivery. But direct also. Very atypical compared to most women.

I think that what was good, was there was lots of humour. I thinks that's a saving grace. I have to chill out and get mine back more at home, or privately.

PS, I do agree, as far as pushing forward. I think much is in the timing, too. But I have learned to take other precautions, I just have to not be too tired to employ them.

Yes, isn't it a very unusual journey! I did think of something I started in 1990, and something else about 7-8 years ago. It's most of my sort of motivation or sanity.

And look, I wouldn't have met all of you without this forum, or being a mess and googling to find it, lol. :confused: I recall being afraid to register, lol. :)

((((((((((((((((((((( :hug: ))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Sailorgal]

Ha ha Junebug! You DO have a great sense of humor! We sometimes use the PTSD cloak to mask it.

I wasn't referring to the "stage" as being the center of the party per se. I wasn't inferring a literal meaning but rather that your need to be connected to the world is reciprocated as their need to connect with you. It's a give-give concept.

An ex bf (Army guy :eek:) used to tell me "Thank you for your gift of smile." I was like....WHAT?? He said the next time someone says I have a beautiful smile, tell them "You're welcome." So you're welcome Junebug. Ha ha! Just kidding. So when someone is smiling at YOU, they are giving YOU a gift because you are worthy to receive it. We usually think the gift is the compliment such as "You have a nice smile, etc" but the gift is the SMILE! Junebug, we are all smiling at you!! :):D:cp::joyful::coffee:(that one with the coffee mug is me!)

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh, hee! Dear Sailorgal, you are so sweet! You're welcome, lol! Oye, now I'm all confused, lol. Hee. Not enough to not say Thank You for yours. :)

And your Huge heart, too. :) :inlove:

Here's me: :laugh: :notworthy:

And here's us: :hug: hee.

 

[Abstract]

Junebug :inlove:

I happened upon this now whilst looking at stuff for myself and at the risk of repeating myself thought I would post it here. Its one of Anthony's.


"Anxiety is treated and removed by changing your cognitive thinking, just as is depression. Same process, they are simply on the extreme spectrums of one another, thus the application is mirrored.

If you really want to treat and remove anxiety, this is how it's done.

1. Write down the thought you have.
   1. Provide evidence to support your thought
   2. Provide evidence against your thought
2. Does an alternative explanation exist outside of the above?
3. What's the worse that could happen?
4. What's the best that could happen?
5. What is the most realistic outcome?
6. How is this thought effecting me?
7. What could be the effect if I change my thinking?
8. What should I do about this then?
9. What would I tell x if they where in the same situation?

These are all valid self-questioning statements which can help you derive a more robust picture of any thought that provokes anxiety within you. The end result is that you have a larger picture than your initial thought to then apply to yourself when you have that other thought. Basically, you swap one out for the other, replacing a negative with a positive.

That is how you change both anxiety and depressive feelings / thoughts. It is all done in the brain first, then applied into your actual life by backing up your thoughts with the new behaviour, if applicable."

:hug::inlove:

 

[Tinyflame]

Abstract, thank you, I need to print it out, as I am plagued often with both. I thought only depression, now I think anxiety is there more than I realize (over and above the times I do realize it's there).

Thank you Abstract, for the time and effort to help me. To try to give me a fighting chance for a better quality of life. :)

(((((((Dear dear Abstract :hug: ))))))), xox.

 

[Sailorgal]

Oh don't forget....

10. Why not go sailing with SG and enjoy pina coladas when the wind dies down?

Sorry, I couldn't resist!!!! :)

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG, #10. sounds the most effective (and enjoyable ! :) ), (((((((Dear SG))))))), xox.

Abstract, was thinking, I must have much anxiety, and/or fear, or I wouldn't feel like I'm going to burst a seam with it.
:(

I was thinking, those points will help a lot, I have a tendency to intellectualize things, as I believe you have said you do (please forgive me if I'm wrong!), and maddog says she does, also.

I think I have an inherent problem, not with that but in general with some of the techniques; I have the kind of 'brain' that can operate on several tracks at once, and I've encouraged it for years. Many years ago, I realized I didn't have time to get done all I needed or wanted to. So I would do more than one at once (like 'brain multi-tasking'). For example, I can be copying info (physically), and holding conversations with more than one person at once, and saying a prayer at the same time. All the while still thinking on (ruminating?) a thought or feeling I have, or planning something I need to get done in the relatively near future. Or remembering details I need, what to pick up at the store.

The upshot is, for example, like the 5-4-3-2-1 game, I can be doing grounding techniques and the like, but there is so much of my brain still going on a seperate track, it doesn't accomplish what I am aiming at. :( Not sure how to get around that. I am hoping I can come up with some way to get it to work to my advantage. Because I can't seem to change it. It really started in University, as a way to study and get more things necessary done at once.

And my whole family is that, we can carry on- truly listening and responding- to conversations with several people at the same time. (And we don't mean it to be rude, we're just accustomed to it and it's no effort).

And yet, I can 'hear' info, and ultimately remember nothing, on bad days. :( Or not remember what I need to do, like ground.

I hope this makes sense.

Anyway, I am off til monday at 2 pm... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!, so Thankful! :laugh: :notworthy: :singing: :)

:hug:, Dear Ones. :) :inlove:

 

[Abstract]

:roflmao: I can imagine Saliorgal and Junebug self medicating happily! Number 10.

Junebuglet,
There is a lot that you describe there that resonates with me. For me I often wonder if I have attention deficit disorder (ADD). It has been suggested a few times by people in the know. The inattentive version! :D I went as far as to contact an online psychiatrist (before I realised about the trauma stuff) and after she asked me a few questions she said brought up the "trauma" word and said that a lot of the symptoms can overlap. Not saying at all that any of this relates to you by the way! Just sharing.

When I need to be accurate I am extremely bad at multitasking as I make errors. But my natural way of functioning is to have many different things happening in my brain at the same time. And I do multiple things all the time too. My default at present is television and computer and sometimes talking. Recently I have realised that part of that is about avoiding "being" and being in the moment with myself and my feelings. Essentially the opposite of mindfulness.

Attempting to keep my brain moving forward in a single lane line is extremely difficult. Therefore all types of meditation are extremely difficult. My mind goes off and attempting to empty my mind problematic. But mindfulness (proper) is the best way of dealing with this. It doesn't tell you you shouldn't get distracted and rather tells you to just accept that you did and peacefully bring your mind back again.

This type of chaotic mind stuff is very unhelpful for anxiety and ruminating thoughts I find. Being able to quieten it when I need to is something useful although it feels as foreign as anything could possibly be. Its something that feels counter intuitive and almost painful but like a dose of important medicine and what I need.

Its also important to be able to contain my mind when it comes to communicating. Some people can follow me when I go off on tangents all the time but others get confused. Someone who has ADD and knows me quite well said that he could see it in me. That other peoples thoughts are like rivers flowing straight to the sea. That his (and appeared mine) are like tributaries all the time. That I go down those and still travel to the sea (or sometimes end up at the end of tributary by mistake instead) but that I have many divergent thoughts as I go along. This is true! :D I had not realised why some people struggled to follow me and that this was very confusing for them and not how their brains worked.

I like my lateral and multi channelled thinking but I have realised how important it is for me to be able to control it too. Being able to calm ones mind when anxious or overwhelmed requires quietening it properly and that means not having a million divergent thoughts and being able to stay in the moment.

And as regards anxiety - I did not realise what it was for the longest time. And yes, you do sound like you have high levels of anxiety like all of us on here do. If you at the point of realising all that and separating it from depression and other emotions and feelings then it can be useful looking up the signs and symptoms and how it feels in your body.

I am not sure if I said to you or not but there is a wonderful dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) book that helped me with the stuff about emotions.

Yahoo for days off work!! :woot::singing::tup::angelic:

 

[Sailorgal]

:roflmao: I can imagine Saliorgal and Junebug self medicating happily! Number 10.

Abstract, you are more than welcome to join us! Anyone is! Of course, you earn your stay so be prepared to roll up your sleeves and trim sails! :cool:

Ah, multitasking...on a serious note, I have to say it's easier for some personalities than others. I can multi-task as well, in fact I have to have "everything going" in order to function. Being dissociative reinforces it. I can type away without thinking and yet carry on a phone call and still follow something on the tv and radio. Oh, and remember that the coffee is just about finish brewing. :)

Ah dear Junebug, enjoy your days off. RELAX RELAX RELAX!!!! I'm getting the mint as we speak....

 

[Tinyflame]

Hee, Sailorgal, can we add those ridiculous little umbrellas, too? :) Hee, wouldn't that be fun.

Right now, it's about minus 15 or 20 out here (a heatwave :p), only thing good about snow is that yesterday it happened to be the sparkling kind. Other than downhill skiing (and we're flat here), what is necessary to experience is a good snowball fight, making angels in the snow, and sledding. But I prefer sunburn to frostbite! :)

Yes, SG, perhaps it's dissociative to some degree for me as well. Btw, here is one from me. :coffee: :hug:

Dear Abstract, like you've said, and Sailorgal, am sure it is a likely means to avoid feelings. I like your analogy of a tributary- lateral thinking specifically. I can say that I've never noticed issues such as ADD, the thoughts are not random or disjointed, but my whole family is pretty hyper (or at least so we've been told).

I would love the title of the DBT book. Though I would like to ignore all of this, it still remains up to me to find things to try (myself).

But yes, I think you are right. Most feelings are quite painful. And everything I've ever come across about 'trauma' and it's aftermath, well yes, I have to say for the most part I relate. Seems 'strange' or a weakness to have to admit it. I guess because I don't feel like I have many internal resources. More likely to draw the conclusion of 'abnormality' or damaged goods, than to see it possible to have the requisite strength or means to alter it.

And it is a bit strange, I'm not sure what to believe, reading some other posts.

It is hard to learn how to relax! I think I'm finally realizing it has a bit (well maybe a lot) to do with hypervigilance.

But I have to say, I love "Junebuglet", lol. :hug: (PS, no one has to say your welcome for my smiles, hee. :) )

Must run, am trying to wrap up much today, so headed out with 'bed head' and 'bed face'.. it isn't pretty. :eek: Lol. I wish I had a plastic head to put on or one of these, hee: :bag: (And I would make it fur-lined for our climate. :wacky: , Yes- that is a blue face.) Ok, well after :coffee:, I hope.

Sweetest Abstract and SG, :hug:, :inlove: . Happy friday. :)

(I think we would make a great crew. :) :hug: )