Dear Abstract, thank you! Yes, never thought of such a thing. But you reminded me, I read (and worked through) this book once ("How to Stay Alive While Your Brain is Trying to Kill You"- long story but it ended up in my hands)- I think it was CBT. Because a friend and I on here did some of the exercises together years ago. He sent me some exercises, and I was doing them already. That is, to identify each emotion as it occurred, mentally note it in my head, and repeat (obviously several could be noted at times in a short time). He said that it was pretty amazing I could do it in my head, but really it was only because I had to, such as at work and no time to stop (but I'd try to get a few seconds to myself). I tried the CBT Workbook from the Library ages ago, but I couldn't do the exercises. :( (I mean literally). At tleast the ones that said write down "such and such" (positives about yourself, etc), just couldn't do most of them. Very bad self-worth (extremely). Oh yes, but I do do that 'Big Stop Sign' in my mind, idea. A big part is remembering! I guess and recognizing it's a necessary time to employ it (grounding).
Wow, do you ever understand that 'dissociation' stuff. :tup: Holy. :) I've been terrible for always 'tuning out' things like most physical pain, hunger etc. But this sort of feeling is different- 'checking out', for sure. What should have tipped me off, I think, is that I also felt like, why keep trying to not smoke etc, no logic just feeling. Well, that feeling or self-destructive feeling in general should be a Big indicator.
At some level (maybe an obvious one) I think sheer exhaustion too. And hyperarousal, maybe. Whatever- physical added things.
Also, I don't acknowledge that I can feel badly, myself, at times. Because oddly enough, I'm happy others are happy or have families, etc. Strangely enough, for weeks I listened to people at work say "(Christmas) is just another Day"; I tried hard to help them for it not to be (even just a pleasant one). And it seemed to be successful, but then I was left as they were. :( I think too, sheer lack of any time off. I was off friday before, even though super-busy it helped me ground so much. Then I let that crazy interaction get to me. Or it 'did' get to me, then I had to work backwards. Because of your help. :inlove: :hug:
And as you said of course, recognizing black-and-white thinking, cognitive distortions.
Thank you for your 'help' and 'hope'. There must be some way to manage this, as KatB said also. 'Muse' had a post yesterday, described it exactly, 101% through-and-through. Right brain 'trapped' non-verbal memories and pain.
Sounds a little strange, but being Catholic we celebrate Christmas ('technically') for sort of 8 days (and all year in a little way). That makes me feel better that I can start over a little bit. :) (Like I just pressed 'Ctrl Z' and didn't lose everything just now! :eek: :) ) I know others don't think of it that way, but I was alone anyway, and no time off, so in some ways I need more time for the message to sink in.
Dear KatB, yes somewhere it said write down the feelings as part of facts, making a decision. That's what mixes me up. :( Perhaps they mean, how something consistently makes you feel (good or bad), and the degree to which we can imagine handling it. Maybe asking 'our hearts' what we feel, as opposed to transient feelings. I think Abstract and Sailorgal described it really well though, acknowledging feelings without judgment, on their own basis, but not acting on them. (That's like SI also, right Abstract?)
Thank you so much for even reading this 'junk', and caring enough to try to help. It always shocks me to see responses, I surely didn't want to risk bringing others down, especially at Christmas. (And thank you for saying it was/ is ok for it to 'feel like', a question of survival). All your help means more than words adequately express.
(((((((((Dear Sweet Abstract)))))), ((((((KatB)))))), xox.
