Sufferer Looking For Any Support I Can Get. At The End Of My Rope

[Shannonstrong]

Shannon, welcome. I echo the same sentiments about therapy, and would also suggest some therapy together as a couple.

Thank you very much. Yes I am calling on Monday about going to Therapy. That news story was done after they started looking into it and realized that the department was wrong and wanted to help clear my name.

 

[Shannonstrong]

Shanonstrong. I am new to this, and will not offer any advice, because I just don't know enough. However I will tell you this- I am here for you, so you are not alone. I do not have visual / audio flashbacks; mine are emotional, but we are in the same boat, just different sides.

Thanks very much..I'm looking forward to learning from others here. And same to you, if you ever need to talk or just express something, let me know. Going through this has opened my eyes to view others as I know nothing about what someone else could be feeling, therefore I never judge

 

[mamachick]

I know many partners who learn about their spouses illness, be it physical or emotional. Mine never had in 28 yrs. so I dont expect much. By gosh when his father was sick I was searching for all the info I could get.

Sorry, I just picked the wrong man. I want someone attentive. I am very much attentive and affectionate. It sucks not have a reciprocal relationship, but I chose. Next time-not going to happen this way. It is a quality I will look for. Top of list.

 

[RussH]

Thanks very much..I'm looking forward to learning from others here.
If it helps I have chosen a new motto and theme song for myself.
The Motto: Be your own hero.
The Song: Getting Stronger Everyday by Chiciago
If these are applicable to you, then you are more that welcome to them.

 

[RussH]

I know many partners who learn about their spouses illness, be it physical or emotional. Mine never had in 28 yrs. so I dont expect much. By gosh when his father was sick I was searching for all the info I could get.

Sorry, I just picked the wrong man. I want someone attentive. I am very much attentive and affectionate. It sucks not have a reciprocal relationship, but I chose. Next time-not going to happen this way. It is a quality I will look for. Top of list.

There is a movie called Fireproof with Kirt Cameron that deals with this. His character is given advice by a parent on how to be a good spouse. It is a good movie, and perhaps the two of you will benefit from it.

 

[Shannonstrong]

I have thought about my marriage alot. Probably one of the things that bugs me the most is when Im having one of those days and she just doesn't care. It's almost like..what do I have to do for you to just show something towards me. It's tough for me because we live in the city all this occurred, she is from here and will not leave, she spends enormous amounts of time with her Mom. I am a florida native and have no family close to me except my wife and daughter. Leighella is only 2 but she makes me smile no matter how bad Im feeling because she is so free..it also hurts me because never getting away from my triggers and not being able to move forward from Indianapolis feels ..well sometimes just scary. I honestly think that ..will I actually know our relationship isn't strong enough to move away together, I guess she just can't live without her family in her life everyday.

 

[mamachick]

I looked up Fireproof and saw a piece of it. Looks like a great movie. I am going to look for it, but in my case it makes no difference. We have been living seperately for 10 yrs. He has never been there during critical times. We have tried to see if we can make it work in past 2 yrs, but he refuses counseling, making any change, or even acknowledging problems. We are a million miles apart in our thinking.

My daughter and I were accosted at the mall when she was 12, by a pick up truck full of hoopie drunk or drug wacko's. Since it was mall lot, the police could not decide who took report (state, sheriff, city), I was emotional and trying to comfort my daughter. I asked him to talk on phone to him. He refused stating that he was not there.

After childbirth of our last child, I was raped in the hospital that he works at. He told me to never mention again-he could loose his job.

I could go on and on but it is irrelevant. Nothing can help this man.

 

[RussH]

Brat17 I am truly sorry for what you have gone through. I disagree with your husband about the rape. It is not about him and his job. He should have been there to support you. He should not have told you to remain silent. If this rapist is still free, and rapes anyone else, then the guilt of that rest on your husband's head.
He should have taken care of you. I know that you said you could go on and on but it is irrelevant, and I know you are saying that in terms of your husband, but I want to say do not apply that term to you, because I can assure you, that you are most relevant.

 

[Shannonstrong]

Brat17 I am sorry that you have gone through that also. Wow..what a jerk he his. There are things higher than the job or the reputation and it's called integrity, character, compassion, and ultimately god. I think, because one thing I have believed in is Karma. He will someday feel your pain. In my situation, the prosecuting attorney is now going to federal prison because he was a dirt bag while ruining my life, but 4 years later I get to see him on the news walking to his sentencing because of bribery charges. That gave me alittle satisfaction and I think once that karma hits your husband. It will give you some, so stay strong and be patient. It will come.

 

[mamachick]

Thank you both. I believe in Karma too. This was my second husband. Two times failed. He was not abusive, just ignorant. My first husband I married at 17. He was abusive. I have had a few concussions and probably lasting effects during this 6 yr marraige. My daughter suffers and is bi polar as he is. I forgave him long ago.

The sad part about Karma-I forgave him years ago for all the abuse I took, physically, sexually, and emotionally. He moved to another state and never supported our daughter. He came in once a year in a corvette or lexus and flaunted his money around-saved from not paying electric or for cereal. I really hated him for awhile. My life became better, and eventually that forgiveness came.I actually got college credit for a 20 page paper I wrote in 1999 on living with a partner with mental illness-which is when I discovered I had completely forgiven him. Last year he was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and needs a lung transplant at age 55. He has been rejected for a transplant at 3 of the best hospitals in the country. He is dying. While I feel like this is Karma, I feel very sad for him. It does not bring me an ounce of pleasure. I feel very sad for him. He is now re-connecting with our daughter and grandchildren. Its very sad:-( I pray for him everyday now, and know that if I can forgive him, God can too. So I just ask God that he take him home when the time comes. Then I pray to God that when my day come to return to God, that he will be gracious enough to put us in opposite wings. LOL

 

[Seymour]

Shannon, I've known the politics, the loss of the professional support, business, home, and isolation of "being thrown under the bus", years of legal issues trying to get it strait, Oh hell, some other time maybe. I wish you the best.

 

[mamachick]

Shannon, I am really glad that justice is being served in your case. That must bring you some satisfaction. Since the truth has been discovered, I hope the city/govt is compensating you well for what has happened to you. It is a miracle that you are able to work after what you have been through. I watched a little clip of that movie and it was good. Would your wife watch it with you?
I would have done anything to save my marraige, but as you know, you cant do it alone. Sending prayers your way.