Sufferer Multiple Forms Of Long Term Abuse

[findingmyway]

Hello. I'm a 48 yr old woman. My history includes regular childhood sexual abuse that goes back as far as I can remember which is about 3 yrs old. I was also physically abused with some regularity by a grandfather. My father suffered from OCD which rendered him unavailable as a result of his being totally absorbed in his ocd rituals. I was the target of horrific bullying during middle school and became anorexic around the same time. It was also around that time that I began experimenting with cutting. My family were member of a cultic religious sect which I won't name here because not everyone would believe that this organization is as detrimental to the developing mind of a a young child as it is. My experience with this organization really messed up my mind. It still effects me today.

I'm really struggling this morning as it is the day after Christmas and holidays can be quite triggering for me. I hope I can find some support here. I'm really struggling right now. It is even hard for me to type this. I hope I'm being coherent.

 

[safenow]

I'm really struggling this morning as it is the day after Christmas and holidays can be quite triggering for me.

I so understand. I have that problem (for the same reason) with Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. In my uncle's family that is when they sold children.

I'm so sorry you went through what you did. Bless your heart, I hope you will find the comfort you seek and answers to your questions. I do hope you are getting therapy from one who knows how to help you, and that you've told them what you went through. They can really help.

I'm grateful I only had to live with my uncle off and on during my life. But his effect hang over. I was lucky and had good therapists to help.

safenow

 

[findingmyway]

Thank you for responding. I'm not in a good place. It's so hard this morning.

 

[findingmyway]

Thank you

 

[safenow]

Keep writing, findingmyway. It will help, I promise. Lots of good people here, very supportive

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. You made perfect sense. I am sad about what you suffer and endure. I am sorry you are having a rough time. But you came to the right place. Lots of really good people here who understand and will support you.

 

[findingmyway]

I so understand. I have that problem (for the same reason) with Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. In my uncle's family that is when they sold children.

Thank you for this post. I, too, am sorry for what you've been through.

I am getting therapy. I don't know if it is good therapy or not. I've been seeing a therapist for about six months. At first, I thought it was going to be helpful. Now, I just don't know. I think I'm getting worse. I don't know what to do. I'm tempted to just quit. As a matter of fact, between flashbacks and intrusive thoughts today, I've been thinking about how I should approach just quitting with this therapist.

The only problem is this, I saw a therapist for a little while 20 yrs ago, but the therapist quit seeing me when I finally broke ties with the religion I hinted at above. This might seem strange to you, but the former therapist was a part of the religion. I only saw her because my religious leaders recommended her. Of course, when I left they all abandoned me. It took me 20 yrs to try therapy again.

Now, I fear I may have trusted the wrong person again. I just don't think I have the strength to try again. I can't stop crying today.

 

[safenow]

I know this is none of my business, but I recommend you get a different therapist. One not of that religion.

Now, as for the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I have a thread here called 5-4-3-2-1 Game. I recommend you go read it. It works no matter where you are. Print it out and keep a copy on your refrigerator if you live alone. Or better yet, if you are on the computer a lot and have word, copy it onto the word program so you can pull it up when you need to.
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/fast-grounding-5-4-3-2-1-game.30079/[/DLMURL]

And you can talk to me anytime.

safenow

 

[findingmyway]

This looks interesting. Thank you.

The current therapist I have is not part of my former religion. It's just that I keep feeling so disconnected from her. I don't know what the problem is really. Maybe it's just me. I can't seem to trust anyone. There seems to be quite a bit of mis-communication between my therapist and me.

I appreciate your support. I'm here for you as well. It might take me a little while to get this forum figured out. Thanks again.

 

[Sailorgal]

Welcome findingmyway,

With any counseling or therapy, there are always rough points. However, with your prior experience with the religion, I would take a step back and see if your current Therapist is capable of handling your issues with where you are at NOW.

There are some threads here that discuss what people do when PTSD hits or they are being triggered.

Sorry that you are experiencing this right now.

 

[findingmyway]

Thank you. I'm glad I found this forum. I will be looking around this site to find helpful information. I probably should rethink what it is I need in a therapist. I've always struggled with advocating for myself in healthy ways. Sometimes, I'm not even sure what it is I'm needing because I feel so much just in survival mode. I know it's way past time for me to begin acting in my own best interest. I guess, better late than never.