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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

There is always this deep lingering, unshakable feeling in the pits of my stomach and part of it tells me its because my hypervigilance has gotten extremely worse, since moving back home. Now that there's no brother at home and fighting is over, now I am the one blowing off steam to my parents and myself.

I guess because my brother is not here, I don't know how not to deal with no chaos or trouble at all. Damn my hypervigilance and unprocessed mind, I just don't know how to make it through each day. Can this be my guilt and extreme shame and anger talking? Or maybe its adrenal burnout? Ahhhhhh, I am going crazy out of my mind.

Feelings: deep shame, exhaustion, and guilt for being so angry. I am way too hard on myself and I just can't get things be. Perfectionistic mode?!
 
Sleepy, but that's because I got up much earlier than usual.

I feel silly, for forgetting to bring back a few necessities for school (such as eating utensils, oops) but other than that I am feeling content.

I know that eventually the walls I put up around my parents will have to come down again and then I'll feel emotions that are very painful again but I'd rather feel temporary pain if it means I can have control of my life.
 
I walked one mile again. I didn't go for walk yesterday. I thought to give my body some rest. I have cancelled pushing myself. I won't do positive push either. any form of push kills my rhythm. But go with the flow makes me feel good.

I was feeling good there. It was cold there. I don't know why I love this place so much. It attracts me. I hear like, when I am sad, I can visit this place. but no one meets me there. I don't live in imaginary world. I need to meet people, but how?

When I walking I was feeling to read about college materials. Wow, whole life I never felt so natural feelings. I had natural feelings to study.

I am really feeling I have begun the process of changing myself.
 

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