What Is Your Role?

[99Phoenix99]

I'm really curious to hear what people have to say what their role is to themselves and to others.

Because I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what my role is anymore. Right now I'm listed as a medically withdrawn student. I haven't been able to get back to school yet because of a lot of health problems. So I'm not a student.

I don't have a job because I'm still trying to find a way to get through the days with my pain ever since I had jaw reconstruction. So... I'm not working. I don't give anything to the household.

I'm neither married or in a relationship...

The only thing I've got going for me right now is that I'm a volunteer basketball coach.

To be blunt I'm not sure who the hell I am anymore. Or what my role is in life. I'm pretty baffled by this.

Any thoughts?

 

[NarcSis]

It is baffling, truly, deeply, madly. I'd love to answer your question but I still struggle daily with this.

I used to even balk at saying, "I am me." because the word "me" lost its meaning.

It's kind of corny, but I like the Buddhist view that denies permanent labeling of identity because we change and evolve as time passes. The "Me" I was a minute ago no longer exists, the present "me" is all that matters. It's sort of Popeye's "I am what I am" except adding a now.

I am a strong, resilient, constantly evolving human being....and that is okay until I have another societal label to stand under.
:)

 

[safenow]

That is a very good question. I am not a wife, nor a mother, yet I've been both. I am not a student nor a worker, yet I have been both. I am not a victim nor a survivor, yet I have been both. I not sick, yet I'm not well. Yet I am both. Sort of in limbo I guess.

I'm trying very hard to just take each moment as it comes, because if I try to a day at a time, I get lost or overwhelmed. But at the same time, I've been doing better every day since last October (2012).

It's sort of Popeye's "I am what I am"

I can so relate to that. I say it all the time.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Phoenix,

For me I do not want to have a role that is related to a job or a persona. I prefer to think of my role as "being a human being".

I had too much attachment to outside validation of my worth before and therefore strive to get away from that in any way I can.

It has also helped me to do all I can to find out who I am. That means my values, passions, feelings and preferences. I knew absolutely zero about any of that at the start.

 

[who am i kim]

Good post Phoenix. :tup: We adopt roles in life as they come along. But who I am really is the question. I am a survivor apart from that I do not know.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Well... all of your replies have had my mind buzzing.

I've just fished around the interent reading quite a few medical journals that correlate chronic illness, self, and identity to one another as well as other sociology journals about the roles we play in life.

What I've found fascinating in all the medical jargon ... is that essentially you've all hit the most important parts in about 500 words or less whereas theses papers I've just read were pages upon pages long.

Roles are transitory. They are semi-permanent at best. And like some of you said they are ever changing with circumstances and age. And they are all the social identities we're labeled as. Essentially they are stereotypes and classifications.

Evidently there's this thing called the "Sick Role" where a person is ill and is therefore free from social standards and expectations. Their sole purpose is to get better. However that's only for acute illnesses (like a fever or appendicitis) because the illness is only temporary. And person is expected to get back to "normal" soon.

However I don't fit into that because I have a chronic illness. According to the psychobabble I'm a "deviant" lol

Long story short... I still have no idea what my role in life is at all, except for the fact that I'm a deviant :giggle: Of course. How did I not see that? lol

Joking aside.

Like you said Safenow ... I guess I am stuck in a limbo of sorts too as far as my role in life is concerned until I can get my health to a manageable state.

I think the biggest thing I've learned is that there's a distinctive difference between having a role and the self. And how I've been confusing myself and self worth with having a role. Hmn...

I like what you said Abstract.

my role as "being a human being".

I think I'll use that to at least give me something to identify with.

 

[discarded]

I too struggle with who I am and what my role in life is. I have come to the conclusion that my role is to give to others, I really struggle with giving to myself, the guilt of not being worthy really kicks.

As a PTSD supporter I tried so hard to do a great job but failed miserably, leaving me as an ex-supporter and ex-wife. I am a mum and a grandmother, 2 roles I relish. But I don't know who I am. All of my roles have defined me for years. I don't really know how to be ME.

 

[Bilby]

And then there is the issue of roles being chosen or forced upon us (for want of a better word).

There is a difference between what we see as our role/s and what other people see as our role/s also. It gets confusing, doesn't it?

"I am who I am" - that's certainly useful, but what do you do when you still don't know who that person really is? There's saying and acknowledging that you're a human being, but then what of it, if you don't feel like one that has any real substance?

This is where I think that being aware of your own values, morals and beliefs does make a difference and possibly forms a basis for all that flows after it - such as the things that you like, dislike etc. Yet even that seems complicated, or I'm yet to work out how to make the connection for myself - e.g. I can think about things I believe in (and don't), my morals and beliefs yet if you asked me "what do you like to do for yourself?" or "what be the ideal day for you?" - I get stumped. That's where I have become a bit lost - perhaps, in amongst all the roles I seemingly have to play (and some of them, I really dislike).

God, I'm not sure I've really added to this conversation or not LOL

B x

 

[safenow]

I hope you can understand this. It's coming from my heart. I feel like a combination of critters. A bee, in that I move around going from thing to thing doing what I'm suppose to be doing. A butterfly, in that I like to give soft kisses on the cheek to those who deserve it. A snail, because I can't move very fast, and I leave a trail behind me (embarrassing). A cat, because I can get my own food if I need to. A raccoon, because I know how to protect myself in ways that humans don't like. A human female, because I live inside a body of one.

 

[Hashi]

Evidently there's this thing called the "Sick Role" where a person is ill and is therefore free from social standards and expectations. Their sole purpose is to get better. However that's only for acute illnesses (like a fever or appendicitis) because the illness is only temporary. And person is expected to get back to "normal" soon.

Wow. To me this feels like a very disempowering label. Like illness represents nothing but a degree of incapacity. Even from quite a conservative viewpoint, surely it could at least be called "convalescent role" or something?

I actually thought when I read your post, that my current role is as someone who's healing. At the moment, I'm single, no job, hadly any social life, and no closeness to family. What I'm doing is focussing on healing, for trauma specifically, also more general thinking and behaviour, and some health and practical issues too. That's my life right now and it's what I identify with.

I really like the idea of being a deviant, although probably not quite the meaning you read! I think especially with a chronic health condition, it can be good to be a deviant. I don't have to fit other people's patterns of dealing with it, or expectations or limitations. I can deviate in any way I like! Interesting...

 

[NarcSis]

Ha,ha,ha, of course, wouldn't you know it, society always wants a label from us!

So, as luck would have it, I was offered a writing position today...unpaid of course, but a freelancer has to start somewhere, right?

Well, get this, the magazine would like a brief bio, a photo of me and my "title".

Now doesn't that just send my head spinning - too funny!!!

I have No Clue what to put....???

 

[99Phoenix99]

After some thought... I think "The Self & Self Identity" (Forgive me for using medical terms I don't know how else to explain it) Who we are, what we like, dislike, and believe in help us mold into a role, they help us find that social identity. I'm kind of rolling off of what Bilby said

This is where I think that being aware of your own values, morals and beliefs does make a difference and possibly forms a basis for all that flows after it

But unlike how our self can mold what our roles are... I don't think the same could be said that a role can define who you are as a person.

For example: As a person I love to learn. It's what I do for fun. Whether it's via documentaries, books, or musuems I'm constantly trying to learn more about history and science. By logical thought and inference I'd be considered a student. But I'm not currently enrolled anywhere. So I don't actually have that "Roll" but it is implied.

However when you talk to a lot of people my age (early 20's) they are enrolled as students in colleges. They have classes. They do their work. But they HATE IT. They whine about the work and just want to get it done and overwith. They have the role but not the self identity as a student...

I hope that makes sense.

My self identifies as a perpetual student even if my "role" isn't one, which feels really good to say :D

Wow. To me this feels like a very disempowering label

Actually Hashi that was me putting the articles I read mildly. I literally cringed when I read it. It was not a good feeling. Thankfully there is literature out there that does combat that idea since it's so utilitarian, but the idea stemmed from a sociologist named Parsons in the 50's and the idea has been coined. There's no way to undo that term :/