Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Tinyflame]

I have to confess, last couple of days I've been kind of horrified at how much I've written on here. Justfiably paranoid or non-justifiably so, I am wondering if t's time to turn the page, as I am kind of concerned it's been imprudent to put all this out there, not safe, despite the fact I know how well this forum is managed. But, too, OMG.

 

[Sailorgal]

I think it's because there are things that have arose that need to be dealt with. There is only sooo long we can " ride the wave" and be ok until something starts to brew.

It's always good to turn the page, but only when we have truly buried our past. :)

Here's to your new chapter Junebug! **hands you a mojito**

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh-hee- that's a clinking glass then SG. :)

Funny you should say it, 1 1/2 years ago someone said that to me, that it's a new chapter. I forgot. And it was an awful time, grief, and the compounded grief of 'another one bites the dust'. (Though they were a senior, more the exception in my family than the rule). It 'can' be a new chapter, I suppose.

Ya, I think the brain is 'smart'; if you block out big details, reminders sneak in the back door, like I'll-show-you. Whether it's the color in a sunset, or the shape of a face, or a coffee cup. Oh brother. :rolleyes: The mind's way of making sure 'some' way to address it comes to consciousness. :(

Heard the strangest thing yesterday- my dad's glaucoma (was a rare and aggressive form, likely genetic his aunt had it), well in those days it was virtually untreatable. Would you believe, now there is a cure. They literally put a stent in the eye (as they would an artery). Can you believe it.

(In the meantime, there are Mojitos :) ), and big :hug: 's.

Xox.

 

[Mercy]

Hi Junebug, If I am hearing you correctly, you feel like something from the past just jumped up and bit you. I'm glad you are writing out your feelings. We have the freedom to do that as adults. We couldn't talk as kids, especially if you got ignored or don't talk messages at home.

I've had a strange thing happen which has had me off balance for most of this week. Of all things, it was a Jolly Green Giant frozen vegetable advertisement. This new add had a young boy standing where the Giant used to be and saying the same words-Jolly Green Giant. There was a huge shadow on the field down hill and behind him. I got really scared. It looked and felt as though someone was about to reach out and grab his hand, making him a captive. I was back to being small and vulnerable. Shook up.

I don't think you have said too much. We are here to hear you and support you. How can we, if we don't know what the troubles are.

much love (((((((Hugs and good quiet time)))))))

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Junebug))))

 

[Sailorgal]

It's funny because a new chapter can last for one week! At times I found myself being told the same thing every few months. I would ask people, "So when do things actually get BETTER?"

Ya, I think the brain is 'smart'

Really? Mine is a bit challenged. Ha ha!

There are things we file away and yes they come back to haunt us one way or another or force us to face reality even if it was years in the past. I hope you are feeling some weight lifted as you have been processing more stuff. :D

I've been sort of out of touch lately so not much to say here.

Time to hit the water again...wishing you a good week JB and everyone else! Hugs to you all! :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Mercy, gizmo, Sailorgal.

Think I will pack it in with these attempts though, seems the harder I try the less likely it is to be of use. Luck of the Irish, I guess.

Big hugs and love to all :hug: .

 

[Abstract]

Hi Junebug.
Sending you some support. :inlove:

the harder I try the less likely it is to be of use

Did something happen?

 

[safenow]

We are here to hear you and support you. How can we, if we don't know what the troubles are.

I too feel this way. We are all here for you Junebug.

 

[Sailorgal]

I learned a very valuable lesson these past two days....maybe it will encourage you and others.

My friend and I have been through hell and back and we were discussing "success." Some people attribute it to being a hard worker. It is part true. What I told her is that you work hard, but someone on the other side gives you that opportunity or acknowledgement. It always takes two. Every story of courage, healing, and success starts with someone with a desire, goal, or motivation, but then there is someone who allows that door to be opened. Therefore, it's important to keep "knocking until that door opens." We don't know who or when. Surrounding ourselves with people who are encouraging is important and vital. Some people aren't all that bad but not very helpful. We call them dead weight.

Believe it or not, we have to keep asking and seeking. I feel a thousand times stronger but know that one thing can set me off and collapse what I've built. It has taken lots of courage to reach out to people (not about PTSD). I don't go into how horrible things are. I talk about what I want to achieve, where I want to be. I'm not always ready inside, but I'm forcing myself into that direction. And they are responding. :)

I hope you are able to strengthen your innerself each day Junebug! And let others know what you want! I don't mean begging either.

Oh and side note, ex is opening up more and more. He did share that he really wants to make sure we are both ready and not just jump into things. Still loves me.....why wouldn't he? :wacky:

 

[Tinyflame]

It always takes two. Every story of courage, healing, and success starts with someone with a desire, goal, or motivation, but then there is someone who allows that door to be opened. Therefore, it's important to keep "knocking until that door opens." We don't know who or when. Surrounding ourselves with people who are encouraging is important and vital. .

Believe it or not, we have to keep asking and seeking. I feel a thousand times stronger but know that one thing can set me off and collapse what I've built. It has taken lots of courage to reach out to people (not about PTSD). I don't go into how horrible things are. I talk about what I want to achieve, where I want to be. I'm not always ready inside, but I'm forcing myself into that direction. And they are responding. :)

Still loves me.....why wouldn't he? :wacky:

Thank you Abstract, safenow, Sailorgal. It's ok, it doesn't matter.

I thought in the past as you mentioned above SG, but it really doesn't matter. I find they don't respond. Across the board. Not on this forum, but in real life. I guess it's me. I don't understand that advice, it sounds good on paper but is sort of fairytale-ish (my experiences). I have wondered, how (or why) I could ever trust anyone to bring up large things, when they don't even respond to small ones. Far as continuing, I think of Einstein's statement that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

I won't make a 'crisis plan' of who to call, for that reason, either.

However, I do understand, I think it's others' feelings of "don't involve me" or "get lost" (lol). I have been guilty of that to others myself, on occassion. So I not only don't condemn them for it but entirely understand. But why should anyone? I'm not their family, they have no requirement to. Yes, it is a bother, or I am. For them. But I also regret it immediately, too, regret being a burden, regret being 'me', regret asking. It's dehumanizing for me to further 'try'.

I think that's why T's are paid, they're paid to be involved, in essence.

However, I've always been self-reliant, or at least self-contained. Think I'll retire knocking and seeking. It's a dead end, it's too painful, it's too tiring, I no longer care, which in-and-of itself takes some of that pain away.

Well of course he still loves you. You are lovable! :) And obviously he shows good judgment and taste. ;)

((((((((((Abstract, safenow, Sailorgal))))))))), thanks for all, xox, :inlove: .

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess each and every one of us is on our own, and if you are not on your own consider yourself very blessed.