Hi Hashi,
Thank you for your great input, it's truly appreciated. You are a sharpie.
I understand that in some ways you're depending on this therapy so you can have some kind of working relationship with your father, and that it has helped you to some extent. But... a lot of it sounds toxic. I'm glad you're considering what to do.
Yes, I can sniff out toxic from far away and avoid it like the plague. Perhaps I can change the dynamics of the session as it seems like it is all focused on me like I am the problem. He should be focusing on the relationship between my father and I and not being my therapist because it is not working. I should not have anxiety/panic attacks when I leave, that's just not right. I managed to communicate that in the second to last session and we made some progress. However, last session it went right back to the same old dynamic. I manage to discover issues working with my father, but I feel in the session there is no support as far as what to do with the information I uncover. It's more like after the session I realize something and I am handling everything myself. It's definitely not helping my triggers, because those have to be carefully managed by me and my one-on-one T.
I am definitely going to chat with my T about it, I trust my own T implicitly. She is quite composed and ready for sessions and gives you 150% in every session. When we see this group T, he appears to be a bit rushed and almost out of things to say. I am not picking the person apart, that's not my way. However, the dynamic is off somehow and honestly it should not be my job to fix it. I know that from my 12-step programs. He has helped, but while he sincerely means some things I find them a cliche and corny. I am very down-to-earth and no-nonsense as a personality. The sessions come off as rhetoric from some self help book I would throw away. The T is different around my father than with me, he seems a bit hipper on one-on-one sessions (we had one when my father could not attend). My T is just as sharp as a tack and witty and I go so far as to say brilliant with her approaches and careful research. I really don't like people visiting my mind that don't respect that it's indeed a place to tread delicately.
Without this T, my father and I do not communicate and he is not held accountable. I have seen major improvements in my father's behavior around me. However, I just find there is a price I am paying.
It sounds like this person has his own unique issues on top, but in general I've found psychologists very focused on applying standard treatment models which often include medication.
He definitely has issues, I mean everyone does. However Hashi, his issues are referenced in therapy like a life coach. It seems like the elephant in the room.
This T also has a negative review in Yelp (from a woman) and this T recommend a psychopharmacologist that he swore by that has so many negative reviews on the Internet it is not even remotely funny. People are complaining on the Internet the doctor falls asleep during sessions, the staff is rude and abusive, and that he does not listen!
With psychologists, I have felt that they were putting me into a template and that was that, compared to psychotherapy which for me is more about exploring ideas and feelings and devising strategies which were individual to me. I found the relative inflexibility of psychologists' approaches frustrating. Other people may have had different experiences.
Hi Hashi, you know, I feel this T is ruffling my feathers during sessions and then telling me to take something stronger so I don't respond negatively to stuff that well is not positive. I have nothing against drugs if they help and you are not overmedicated, but I do have an issue when it is considered an excuse for good therapy.
My one-on-one T has pushed the issue but she also understands my concerns about medicines and certainly has no problem having effective sessions with me. Ironically, lately, being controlled by my father, the only way I see her is by seeing this other T.
It's good to get this off my chest. I really need to talk to my T and just deal with it as it comes. However, I cannot allow the same problem to continue over and over and over again. There is more and more pressure on me lately and I cannot afford this weekly session leaving me feeling agitated with platitudes and the bottom pulled out from under me. I'm definitely uncovering things being in the presence of my father, however it seems like this is work I am doing alone.
I've been to a few therapists I have not clicked with, the ones I have sworn by are excellent. They usually have a reputation which proceeds them. My current therapist I adore, she is completely anonymous and professional. I do not have my own phone now and she will not talk to anyone other than me, so I have to pick up the phone! She knows there are boundary issues.
