Other Ways Of Saying 'f*ck Off'!

[HëllaBubz]

As is true for most of us, I'll try to make a long story short.

When dealing with family, they are really pushy little #$%@s.

I have many, many words, most of which are not printable, to describe how I feel when I deal with my family and friends.

Favourite Topics of the family, to push on me.

Weight Loss (targeted at me)
Natural Remedies for Depression
End of the World style DVD's
Homeophobic discussion or material
Religious DVD's
Marriage Counselling DVD's
Psychiatrists are evil
All medications are poison and are there to make you worse.

Standard response from me....."f*ck OFF!!!!" :mad::devilish::poop::mask:

Translated from;

"Thanks, but I don't think I want to watch that right now."
or
"Thanks, but I have my psychiatrist/medication right now."
or
"Thanks, but that's not a fair statement, and I object to it."
or
"Well, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but I DON'T agree."
or
"I'm managing X quite well at the moment, I don't really want to watch that."

Family's response to my responses.

Put on DVD in background so I can't avoid it.
Put on religious channel so I have to hear it in the background.
Keep pushing DVD's or books on me when I say no.
Leave DVD's in my car or on my table because they 'forgot' it.
Try to push DVD's on other family members or my partner so that I HAVE to take it home.


These are just a few, that I can think of, from off the top of my head.
As you can imagine, it makes me VERY, VERY angry, anxious, and makes me want to scream.

I leave to go to my grandmother's house in a few days, and already she has a book on how to beat depression that she wants me to read.

I get that people want to help, but seriously, F*CK OFF when you are TOLD TO!
How the hell am I going to deal with this round, and how can my partner support me?

He is more than willing to step in and bat for me, but doesn't know what to say to get her to listen.
He does tend to be a bit verbose, but surely there are polite but blunt ways of saying that a subject is taboo and NEVER, EVER, ON PAIN OF DEATH, to mention it around me.

Help?

 

[WillThereBeCake]

Oh, I hate it when anyone tries these placating techniques. It isn't really to help you. It is to exert their ugliness under a guise of "support".

I wish I had appropriate responses, but I've never been appropriate. I have had to deal with a few of these from friends and family, mainly about religion, and weight. I would accept their DVDs and then tie them together with fishing line and hang them outside or in front of a window. They make beautiful sun catchers.

When they offer you books on depression, simply say, "Oh, I had a friend find out about my depression, and she said, 'Oh, Cheer Up Buttercup' and I'm cured now".

About your weight, "Well, of course I've put on weight. Every time I sleep with your husband, he gives me a cookie."

I'd better stop or I'm going to get you in trouble, but use that sarcasm, and whatever you have to. Frankly, I thought the F-Off was perfect.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Bahahahahaha, ah darl, that may not have been phrases I needed, but it sure as hell cheered me up!

Please, do go on, I can use the laughs!

I think the sneaky methods are REALLY what f*ck me off the most, and I think I'll really, really, really have to lay down the rules clear as damned swarovski crystal.

They don't like it, they can stay the f*ck away from me and the child, because neither of us need that in our life.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Dear Hell No Kitty,

Please check out the below link......I think you'll quite like it.

This is what I play when I'm having a rotten day, and need a kick up the arse.

 

[The Albatross]

Bubz, though light hearted venting, I think I'd be examining why I am shunting off stress to family members who... though a bit intrusive, are obviously attempting to support you. You have so many good things going on right now, the wedding & expecting a child, I think that I'd take a look at the intent behind the irritations. They wouldn't make an attempt if they didn't care.

What you see as intrusion, I see as a demonstration of caring. Placating after all is: "To allay the anger of, especially by making concessions; appease". If their methods are sneaky perhaps it is because you have made yourself unapproachable for communication on any real level. The thought, "...I'll really, really, really have to lay down the rules clear as damned swarovski crystal. They don't like it, they can stay the f*ck away from me and the child, because neither of us need that in our life". I find pretty extreme, and unreasonable.

"f*ck off when you are told to" is really disturbing to me. Is this stress, the med withdrawal, or the resentment that someone jumped the gun on announcing your pregnancy and spoiling your plans talking?

Feel free to tell me to go piss up a rope but I think should you continue to treat your loved ones that way you're going to set yourself up for some consequences.

 

[WillThereBeCake]

.I think you'll quite like it.

Like it? I LOVE it! Got my new favorite earbug. Thanks Bubzilla!

 

[HëllaBubz]

Weight Loss (targeted at me)
Natural Remedies for Depression
End of the World style DVD's
Homeophobic discussion or material
Religious DVD's
Marriage Counselling DVD's
Psychiatrists are evil
All medications are poison and are there to make you worse.

The above are topics that my parents, relatives and some family friends CONSTANTLY shove onto me.
They have done so since I was knee high to a grasshopper.
And my partner has just said that "They have done so every time they have met with you (Bubz) since I have been with you, without exception, to varying degrees."

He also just said;
"People that are suffering from an issue (his OCD or my PTSD) HATE having attention drawn to it all the time in conversation, or in an open debate, which is what your dad seems to do really nicely. It's like, gee, I'm (dad) a perfect f*cking role model and look at me!"

"You don't want everyone to know that you're a 'nutjob' and don't really fit in, and you don't want to give people the ammo to judge you, which is exactly what get's thrown back in your face all the time."

"Your father likes to diminish or completely negate things you've experienced."

"Even though he diminishes all these things, I find it strange that he plays down experiences that has nothing to do with him, and then makes it out like you're the villain, or at fault, or any responsibility to break up your story, to talk shit about you."

"Even in the car when you weren't there, he talks shit to say that anything you experienced didn't happen, or that he was there with you, and that he is an authority on what happened on what really didn't."

"He always has to be someone who appears to be in the know, someone of authority, someone who has wisdom to impart, who is something to be listened to, and will diminish anyone until that claim is, in his understanding, re-established."

I think that I'd take a look at the intent behind the irritations. They wouldn't make an attempt if they didn't care.

"Thanks, but I don't think I want to watch that right now."
or
"Thanks, but I have my psychiatrist/medication right now."
or
"Thanks, but that's not a fair statement, and I object to it."
or
"Well, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but I DON'T agree."
or
"I'm managing X quite well at the moment, I don't really want to watch that."

This is my response, generally, to my family forcing their opinions on me.

Put on DVD in background so I can't avoid it.
Put on religious channel so I have to hear it in the background.
Keep pushing DVD's or books on me when I say no.
Leave DVD's in my car or on my table because they 'forgot' it.
Try to push DVD's on other family members or my partner so that I HAVE to take it home.

And this is how they respond to my polite declining of their shoving, opinionated, ignorant views.

If their methods are sneaky perhaps it is because you have made yourself unapproachable for communication on any real level.

How is any form of this kind of communication acceptable?
I have my partner, my psychiatrist, a few friends, and I'm making progress with my depression and PTSD.

If this is the kind of communication they resort to after me using the polite methods above, then I guess they can, as you say,

go piss up a rope

Let me give you an example of what really gets my goat with these clowns.

I get to grandparent's about a year ago, and in about half an hour, the topic of the conversation starts on my weight, and what I'm doing to get rid of it. Starts talking about this DVD about some guy who was 200kg overweight, and lost it all by juicing, and it's something that you should REALLY try, because, I mean, LOOK at you!

So I tell her I'm already on a diet, I've got it handled, and I've already lost weight, and I'm fine.
But that's not good enough for her, THIS is the way to do it, YOU'RE not doing it right, and you MUST watch it.

But I don't WANT to watch it, so she waits til I leave the room, then puts in on the dvd player and then tell's me that she 'just wanted to hear it in the background while we cook', knowing full well I can't escape it.

So when I leave the room, she goes and approaches my brother, and tells him how great it is, and that he needs to take it home for me.
Except my brother's not stupid, and tells her that if I wanted it, I would have said so, so my Grandmother gets irritated with him and says that he's not supporting the family.

I would keep talking, but truth be told I want to go to bed, and this is going to cause nightmares.

Suffice to say that when you say that

I'd take a look at the intent behind the irritations. They wouldn't make an attempt if they didn't care.

I know full well what it is, I use pharmaceutics, I see a T, I don't go to church, I'm not engaged to a Christian man that 'they' chose for me, I don't want their religious DVD's.

These are just a few things.

And they are so hell bent on making sure that it is known that their point is 'the truth', and anything to the contrary is a conspiracy, that they will stop at nothing to keep shoving their point home until I cave.
It is the reason that my family's surname is known throughout Australia through SDA circles, because no one respects boundaries, and you must be battered into believing their point of view, and they will try and try and try until you give in or get angry and tell them to f*ck off, like 10 churches here in Melbourne have done.

And I won't cave, not ever.

As my dearly beloved just said, "It doesn't matter what your father does, he is always a trigger. He can say one word on a topic that you disagree with, and you know exactly where he's going with it, and you immediately are on the back foot, sets you off and then makes any progress impossible for either of you."

I just asked him why I should cave, and he said " it makes you wonder what would happen if you did it back to him, stick your feet in the ground, stick your horns out, and give it back to him."

"I'm one to try to work with him, but since that doesn't work, put him back in his place and fight hard but tactful."

"just say to him, that's nice dad, but you're totally and utterly full of shit."
"and if he brings up something about you and your friends, just say, that's nice dad, but how the hell would you know, you weren't there, and you know nothing."

"Just say, you got no f*cking idea, shut up, you have no idea what happened."
"Sometimes I find it beneficial just to say, shut up, you have no idea, it's absolutely and utterly wrong, but don't get angry, just calmly say, shut the f*ck up."

"You just gotta say with him, nah, shut up."
"It's a very stern, abrupt, f*ck off. But don't ever show anger or despair, just tell them, shut up, and walk away."

I love my partner, I really, really love him.

"Motormouth disease has an ability to immediately cease when you say SHUT UP."

As the father from boondock saints once said, "There's something unique about the power of the words - "f*ck off."

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you firmly setting boundaries?

If they give you a book, say no. If they put it in your car, take it out and leave it on the lawn. If they mail it to you, mail it back.

I see you as ultimately caving to some degree. You say they make you take stuff home. No, not really.

In the end you have a choice. These people don't have to be a part of your life.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Is this stress, the med withdrawal, or the resentment that someone jumped the gun on announcing your pregnancy and spoiling your plans talking?

No, No and No.

This question has come about, as I said before in my OP, I'm about to head up to my grandmother's place, and the shit has already started.

If I don't do something about this NOW, I'm going to have to deal with it throughout my pregnancy, and beyond.
My child should not grow up with this sort of influence, it needs to end NOW, before the cycle starts all over again.

I refuse to spend my life irritated and angry like my mother who was constantly harangued by my grandmother through out the pregnancy and beyond.

She, my mother, understands that I expect her to protect me in some form, from going through what she did, or at least not contribute to a scenario similar.

"Oh, I had a friend find out about my depression, and she said, 'Oh, Cheer Up Buttercup' and I'm cured now".

Have actually had someone do this to me, and tell me it was all in my head and could be cured by positive thinking.
I told her to

go piss up a rope

and

It is to exert their ugliness under a guise of "support".

And to get the f*ck out of my house and spare me her sanctimonious, inappropriate self help course bullshit.

 

[HëllaBubz]

If they mail it to you, mail it back.

In the end you have a choice.

Yeah, I think I'll start doing that.
I find it in books, birthday presents, other things that are 'given' to me.

As my T says, 'you could just hang up the phone you know. Set some actual boundaries, and lay the law down flat in their face.
They know the consequences if they cross those lines!"

 

[WillThereBeCake]

How is any form of this kind of communication acceptable?

Exactly! Good for you Bubzilla! I think you have got a good handle on this situation and what the long term ramifications are. It is important that you do it for yourself, your husband and your child(ren). We can't teach our children that boundaries don't count if they involve family. The self-confidence to set and stand up for their boundaries is perhaps the best defense you can bestow upon your children in this world.

You get cake!

 

[HëllaBubz]

We can't teach our children that boundaries don't count if they involve family.

That is my exact concern, and I really, really need to sit down with Gran and give her a clear idea of what I find acceptable, and what I don't.
Sometimes she can be really understanding and really good to talk to/interact with, and other days she is immature, narrow minded and pushy as hell, which is something mum has supported me in, and said has been like that for a long time.

I think my posts last night, were pretty firm, but at the same time Alby's post last night is something that

I see as a demonstration of caring.

So thank you Alby, I'm really sorry if it came across as blasting you, I honestly didn't mean it that way.

I have found that I have spent a long time being a people pleaser, and trying to get other people's approval, when really I need to operate within my own boundaries, and clearly lay them out.

If I don't enforce my boundaries, Me, Myself and I, are the only ones that end up getting hurt, and that is no longer an acceptable outcome for me.

I will always be someone who tries to help other people, and do unexpected things for them just for the joy of it, but I cannot, and will not allow myself to constantly be triggered or constantly reminded of how shit they have made me feel, time and time again over the years.

I'm so tired of going out shopping with family, and leave crying because nothing fits, or feeling like any effort on my behalf is in vain because their ideas are superior, or trapped and anxious because I'm having religious topics forced down my throat or material shoved on me.

As my partner said last night, you are just going to have to be firm but blunt because they will run all over you unless you stamp your foot and yell.

It's interesting, my parent's always complained that I wanted to interact with them, but on my terms, not theirs, and without their beliefs.
And you know what, why the f*ck not? I'm not under their roof, I'm an adult, and I'll damn well set the terms where-ever the f*ck I am, or I'll walk away.

I don't have to listen to anything any more, and they have no right to expect anything more of me.

And when I have a talk with my gran, and eventually my dad, it's going to be laid down clearly that these are NOT up for discussion, this is a ONE way conversation, and for once in their life, they are going to have to listen rather than talk.

You get cake!

Please tell me it's vanilla custard slice???? :D

But at the end of the day, I still don't have anything to use for my Gran with topics that she pushes!