gio_marino
New Here
Hello, my name is Gio. I'm 25 years old. I would like to introduce myself and see if there are any others out there with similar scenarios who could offer tips or advice.
When I was 16 years old, in the middle of the night, 3 police officers arrived at my door and when I answered they told me my mother was dead. I had just gotten off the phone with her a few hours prior and she said she was going to be over the following morning so I was horrified and in complete shock. My parents were separated and it was her new boyfriend who had gave her a fatal dose of drugs before robbing her new home. It was extremely hard for my dad and I for a few long years. However, he straightened up, met someone, and my life has been far less eventful since then (up until last year).
Both of my parents have a history of alcoholism/drug issues and I have vague memories of an abusive household when I was a small child (remember seeing her fall). I never really spoke to anyone about it (professional or otherwise) and continued about my life. My grandfather passed away from cancer last March, and then the next month, my father was diagnosed. I was living with my fiancee at the time and had to come back home to take care of my dad (we split up & I've been alone since). Also, The family business that gave me a life full of travel and luxury also fell apart, so I'm now a broke student working toward a PT degree.
I am close to finally getting my life on track, but it may fall apart if I dont get some help for my issue. Since I was 16 I've been drinking heavily and smoking Marijuana on a regular basis. Since of the physical training I have always done, the negative effects of abusing these two things were not as prevalent as most young men--but it caught up to me. To help people understand more I'll mention I've racked up a few DUIs and been in a few bar fights, but I have grown up a lot and none of that is really an issue any more. I have a strong desire to help young guys stay out of trouble and in the gym, and hopefully one day meet someone new and start a family of my own. but sadly, I certainly still have behavioral issues.
Pot and Alcohol were a way to medicate myself growing up when the going got rough, but now its doing more bad than good. The panic attacks started around 20 and when my drinking gets too excessive they get far worse. I don't drink daily, but I can really put back my alcohol. The following days I do a lot of pacing around my home, a LOT of obsessing over my heart beat, VERY light headed and very numb..emotionally. Hard to get any work accomplished or much of anything at all. I am a huge football fan and really excited for the draft, and I'll be so restless that I won't want to sit down or concentrate on the TV. I start doing housework like cleaning or laundry or something. My sleep patterns are usually alright, but I'll go through cycles of anger, sadness, and health paranoia (on these hangover days). My friends laugh that such a health freak like myself obsesses over his pulse, or every small thing "symptom" as if something is wrong with me physically. My Dr. gave me an EKG and said I was fine. My blood is good, too.
Marijuana was always a tool I used to perform better. It helped me study, relax, help me keep a steady healthy diet, and especially lift weights. Now on these hangover days its just a nightmare. Constant health paranoia and emotional detachment. I sit in my room on twitter and space out. Its been 9 months since my girl left me and I'll sit here and think about her and miss her and cry. & it makes me want to even blow off my passion for dieting and exercise when it gets too rough.
I KNOW quitting drinking and even the marijuana that's always been my lifesaver is what I need to do. These two things are great if you able to control them, but I unfortunately drink irresponsibly and now my advantages of being a pothead are going away. I had seen a psychiatrist 2 yrs ago that put me on Gabapentin for bipolar disorder. My ex fiancee wanted me to go after seeing not the frequency of my drinking, but the amount I am capable of consuming, and 1 aggressive episode. She was never a fan of the marijuana, either.
I joined here today because I really think that I am a PTSD alcoholic. I'll even go a week or two without drinking...but then this.... anxiety or tensity builds up on me. Like a rush of testosterone and I take the edge off. I end up taking the edge of all night, and then I'm back to square one.
Also: I avoid ALL of my moms family including my sister, I haven't been to her grave in years, and my dad and I don't really talk about it too much. He's really messed up from my grandpa dying and him getting the same cancer next month. also like I said, we had a really successful business that's all but gone. My grandma lives a house with my aunt that requires a lot of money to maintain and its EATING the company alive. Looks like my dad is going to have to fold and go on disability, and I'm going to fight for my life to preserve my dreams of completing my education (4 years left!). I need to get it together because its all falling apart around me. Dealing with cancer and going broke will be impossible if I can't even get over what happened to my mom almost 10 years ago.
Thank you to whoever took the time to read my story, as it is a little relieving to get it off my chest. My head is still really foggy but the pressure in the middle of my chest has subsided some. :)
When I was 16 years old, in the middle of the night, 3 police officers arrived at my door and when I answered they told me my mother was dead. I had just gotten off the phone with her a few hours prior and she said she was going to be over the following morning so I was horrified and in complete shock. My parents were separated and it was her new boyfriend who had gave her a fatal dose of drugs before robbing her new home. It was extremely hard for my dad and I for a few long years. However, he straightened up, met someone, and my life has been far less eventful since then (up until last year).
Both of my parents have a history of alcoholism/drug issues and I have vague memories of an abusive household when I was a small child (remember seeing her fall). I never really spoke to anyone about it (professional or otherwise) and continued about my life. My grandfather passed away from cancer last March, and then the next month, my father was diagnosed. I was living with my fiancee at the time and had to come back home to take care of my dad (we split up & I've been alone since). Also, The family business that gave me a life full of travel and luxury also fell apart, so I'm now a broke student working toward a PT degree.
I am close to finally getting my life on track, but it may fall apart if I dont get some help for my issue. Since I was 16 I've been drinking heavily and smoking Marijuana on a regular basis. Since of the physical training I have always done, the negative effects of abusing these two things were not as prevalent as most young men--but it caught up to me. To help people understand more I'll mention I've racked up a few DUIs and been in a few bar fights, but I have grown up a lot and none of that is really an issue any more. I have a strong desire to help young guys stay out of trouble and in the gym, and hopefully one day meet someone new and start a family of my own. but sadly, I certainly still have behavioral issues.
Pot and Alcohol were a way to medicate myself growing up when the going got rough, but now its doing more bad than good. The panic attacks started around 20 and when my drinking gets too excessive they get far worse. I don't drink daily, but I can really put back my alcohol. The following days I do a lot of pacing around my home, a LOT of obsessing over my heart beat, VERY light headed and very numb..emotionally. Hard to get any work accomplished or much of anything at all. I am a huge football fan and really excited for the draft, and I'll be so restless that I won't want to sit down or concentrate on the TV. I start doing housework like cleaning or laundry or something. My sleep patterns are usually alright, but I'll go through cycles of anger, sadness, and health paranoia (on these hangover days). My friends laugh that such a health freak like myself obsesses over his pulse, or every small thing "symptom" as if something is wrong with me physically. My Dr. gave me an EKG and said I was fine. My blood is good, too.
Marijuana was always a tool I used to perform better. It helped me study, relax, help me keep a steady healthy diet, and especially lift weights. Now on these hangover days its just a nightmare. Constant health paranoia and emotional detachment. I sit in my room on twitter and space out. Its been 9 months since my girl left me and I'll sit here and think about her and miss her and cry. & it makes me want to even blow off my passion for dieting and exercise when it gets too rough.
I KNOW quitting drinking and even the marijuana that's always been my lifesaver is what I need to do. These two things are great if you able to control them, but I unfortunately drink irresponsibly and now my advantages of being a pothead are going away. I had seen a psychiatrist 2 yrs ago that put me on Gabapentin for bipolar disorder. My ex fiancee wanted me to go after seeing not the frequency of my drinking, but the amount I am capable of consuming, and 1 aggressive episode. She was never a fan of the marijuana, either.
I joined here today because I really think that I am a PTSD alcoholic. I'll even go a week or two without drinking...but then this.... anxiety or tensity builds up on me. Like a rush of testosterone and I take the edge off. I end up taking the edge of all night, and then I'm back to square one.
Also: I avoid ALL of my moms family including my sister, I haven't been to her grave in years, and my dad and I don't really talk about it too much. He's really messed up from my grandpa dying and him getting the same cancer next month. also like I said, we had a really successful business that's all but gone. My grandma lives a house with my aunt that requires a lot of money to maintain and its EATING the company alive. Looks like my dad is going to have to fold and go on disability, and I'm going to fight for my life to preserve my dreams of completing my education (4 years left!). I need to get it together because its all falling apart around me. Dealing with cancer and going broke will be impossible if I can't even get over what happened to my mom almost 10 years ago.
Thank you to whoever took the time to read my story, as it is a little relieving to get it off my chest. My head is still really foggy but the pressure in the middle of my chest has subsided some. :)
