I'm confused by this statement. How do relationships happen in Australia if men don't really notice women or pay attention?
Yes, good point.
I'm sure relationships happen here much the same as anywhere else these days. Internet dating sites, through friends, at parties and anywhere else socializing takes place with that purpose in mind.
I think men are interested in and attracted to women who seem generally positive towards them. If you're thinking the majority of Australian men are not your type, then I think the majority of Australian men are probably going to pick up that vibe from you even if they don't realise it consciously.
Probably true too. These were thoughts I had when I was in my early twenties and had given up on males in response to what I had observed to be what I thought was true.
That doesn't mean it is though. I definitely went through a stage where I was not only 'over men' but actively didn't like them after I was sexually assaulted...much to my dismay,having previously loved them quite a lot, but experienced quite a lot of disappointment and hurt as a result of being involved with different males, including my father and brothers, who were regularly assholes to me and my mother.
I did not like that I had changed in my thinking to that degree, but that was how I felt when honest with myself. I realize it is distorted thinking though. It was upsetting to feel that way towards most males. I really thought I had healed more than it seems I have, in that way.
If someone has that kind of belief, however it originated, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, true. Thanks for shining a light on that and reminding me.
They expect the majority of Australian men to be unforthcoming and inattentive, they send out subconscious messages to that effect, the men they come across pick that up on some level, and as a result... the men are unforthcoming and inattentive. So the person with the belief is "right".
It does work that way.
I'm British and when I lived in Japan I dated a Japanese guy who was respectful, considerate and took me seriously. I met other Japanese men like that while I was there. Not every man, but plenty. However, many of the other ex-pat women in the same city thought the majority of Japanese men treated them casually because they were foreigners and patronised them because they were female. That was actually the generalised cultural image of Japanese men towards female foreigners, but I didn't know that before I went. I think I didn't have that experience with a lot of Japanese men I met because I didn't have that expectation. I didn't know I was supposed to.
That's very interesting.
I really do think there are loads of different personalities and styles amongst any group of men anywhere.
I think so too, but obviously there is a part of me that is strongly invested in thinking otherwise.
There may be cultural tendencies but even these could be as much to do with our individual expectations and experiences. I wonder at how many British and Italian men I know who seem overly attached to their mothers, but someone else might not have that perception at all,I don't know. And, many places have a lot of cultural diversity anyway (perhaps it's mostly monocultural where you live, I don't know.)
Well, I have massaged an Italian male who definitely did appreciate the motherly aspect of me wiping the oil off them with hot towels. Other non-Italian males gave me the feedback that it made them feel like they were a baby in a nappy being mothered, and didn't like it at all...which is interesting.
I think there are probably quite a few around. I do think this is perhaps more about what you've been feeling and projecting in the past, and less about the sorry state of Australian manhood as a whole. (I hope that comes across as hopeful, which is how I intend it.)
Yes, I think you're probably right. It's good to expose these limiting beliefs. They seem real to the person, but often they are, as you say, a projection from the past that may not be relevant in the present. Thankyou.
