Criterion A, Loopholes And Denial.

[Springer80]

Thanks Jac, it's been quite a tough time and I've previously been so go-getting and now I feel like a joke really.

 

[Abstract]

Thank you

Thank you Ninja. It helps a lot when I know there are aspects of this that others experience too. Especially as I mostly just think I am crazy. Or fine. :O_o: Over the last year I have spoken a few times about my weird reactions and it is getting a little bit easier.

 

[Abstract]

SOL,
I can understand why you said what you did. Believe me I say much of this to myself all the time. Well not really actually as my version is way more extreme.

One thing I have never been guilty of in my life is not pushing myself enough. I am extremely determined and single minded in what I do and it has taken me through a lot in terms of my mental health. It took until the age of 40+ before I even considered trauma may be a factor though.

At a certain point with this stuff pushing never worked. It made walls come down and things implode until I could not see anything at all. What worked before no longer did and I have had to learn a whole new way of approaching things where I factor in self compassion and pacing/balancing. It took much support of others who advised me for me to even consider that way of dealing with things as it is totally counter intuitive for me.

I certainly never asked anyone to diagnose me and never would. All I asked on this thread was for explanations of criterion A or personal experiences.

My brain is like a swirling storm of black opposing shards of thoughts and feelings and all I am trying to do is gain any tiny bit of factual information to help me find something fixed or solid to fight the confusion with.

As I am sure you probably realise I continue along regardless. I work on making things better in my life every day and am the last person to want to be a victim. Thats possibly part of the problem.

 

[Abstract]

Lucaster,
I think that would actually benefit me. I can't use my normally very logical mind with this stuff. Its like way too chaotic and turbulent inside my head when it comes to this. And there seems to be a part of me that is out to destroy me whichever way I head. I am glad your t helped you with it.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Movinon,
I think if I could really believe this is denial and not just me being crazy or something else then that would help. If I could see that stuff was stuck all over my house and I needed to clean it up then that would help. Rather every time I look at something stuck on the ceiling 20 other totally different things paste them selves over and next to it and I can't tell where to go to first.

I cannot think of anything worse than this battle inside me. I have been told by others that it is still a defence against what is lying behind it and that that would be worse but I cannot imagine that. At least there would be clarity even though it is painful.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Janic,

Yes, ultimately denial doesn't work, but if you have lived many years, since the event that began everything, by intellectualising it all then denial is a very hard habit to break.

But, if the emotional load of the trauma is too heavy to bare, then maybe some degree of denial might actually help healing, by allowing by small manageable bites to be released at a time.????

This is very much what others have said to me before and it did save my sanity a bit and get me to this place where this is issue is about half as intense as it was. Where I felt I would literally go insane.

I have not lived my life thinking that any of this belonged to me and it seems I am absolutely programmed into my way of thinking and reacting.

I think you sound like you are mostly in charge of your denial now and use this healthily and what you are doing sounds healthy to me.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Apologies. I just see you as trying to get others to feed into your world of denial so that you can justify it. I'll bow out now as I see you appreciate their feeding as opposed to my calling you out.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Springer,

Thanks for your input. It hurts that I am not able to use my rational mind. It has been one of my anchors through my life. And yes intellectualising only gets one so far and I was shocked to realise a few years ago that one needs to actually feel things. And doing that helped me a lot in improving aspects of my mental health and processing things. With this stuff though it is just plain chaos.

Thank you for saying I haven't lied. Its such a shameful thing.

Springer80 said: ↑
Denial operates on levels cos we cant cope with it all at once.

Thank you. I just wonder if I will ever move forward. I am 45 years old. I want to be finished already. Just when I thought I was finishing my journey - getting rid of 30 year long eating disorder and learning how to deal with depression and finding a sense of self; discovering and improving dissociation - I am hit with all this.

What makes you think that you are in control/have power over the rate at which your denial lifts?

Because I have always been in control. I thought. :O_o: I have never felt as totally powerless as I have in the last years. Trapped.

I am very sorry your house has been taken over and you are stuck in the basement. Unable to walk from what you have said before.

Maybe being forced to give in will precipitate new healing for you. I think when we are forced into something opposite to our usual way of being much can happen even if painful.

 

[Abstract]

SOl,
From the tone of that I wondering if you felt unappreciated. Please know I appreciate all replies and suggestions. I am not sure what you think others are saying to feed my denial if that is what this is but I hear you that that is what you think is happening.

If you have advice on how to deal with the specifics of what I am dealing with then I am open to hearing it.

 

[Abstract]

If anyone feels they can or are willing to answer me then how do the following fit or not fit criterion A? They are things that are fairly often discussed and yet there is a tone to certain things others have said that seems to negate their possible impact.

Any unwanted sexual experience that does not include guns, knives and even direct threats. Being told about the unnatural death or near death of a family member. Neglect. Physical "punishment" that did not directly threaten death and where bones etc are not broken. Invasive medical procedures that are not life threatening.

I have often heard members say PTSD is about death and the first example has nothing to do with death really. Thoughts.

 

[Jacnic]

Hi abstract,

I think that the key to criterion A is the emotional response of "intense fear, helplessness or horror". I do not think anyone can easily come up with a list of events that will or will not cause this. Every individual will react differently.

For some people, your list of events will not cause any problems, but for other people they more than sufficient to meet criterion A.

To often, people try to find a simple formula that can be applied to all cases. This doesn't work successfully when we are actually evaluating unique individuals.

Am I making any sense? Maybe it is time to try to get some sleep.......

 

[JustBe]

"invasive medical procedures" (many, over a period of years)..."intense fear, helplessness or horror".

This is part of what caused my PTSD.