Deep Damage Of Rape

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think some people would think dying is worse but honestly I would rather die then be raped ever again. It is so...against nature to be raped. But why is that? Is there something within us that makes being raped able to destroy us? Our bodies, minds...our souls? Is it so invading and so wrong that it kills a part of us that we can never recover?

There is something deeper the humans rights and laws that makes rape so wrong...I wonder if it's deep rooted in our minds that's it's wrong and that is why it does so much damage. It reminds me of the Harry Potter books where the bad guy (Voldemort) kills people and every time he kills it rips his soul because it is so very much against nature to kill another person.

I am probably explaining what I am thinking badly. Sometimes I am not very eloquent.

 

[cherryblossom]

I completely understand what you are saying. However, I don't have an definite explanation for it.

However, rape is a physical, unwanted intrusion to our body, so of course it feels wrong. It is instilled in us that sex, should be special and intimate, between 2 people who have feelings for each other. That is should be consensual and enjoyed by both parties. So when it doesn't happen that way, it's deeply invading and feels wrong on every level.

On a more primal level, sex is about procreation, and throughout the animal world, female species choose their partners. They choose who to mate with. The males show off with mating rituals, and the females then choose who they will allow to mate her. They are looking for the strongest and fittest of their species in order to create strong, healthy offspring. But they seriously fight off any male they are not interested in. The female species gets to choose which male they will allow to penetrate her.

Obviously, humans throw emotions into the mix. And for us sex isn't only about procreation. We are also open to the idea that sex is about enjoyment and pleasure.

Rape takes all that away. It takes away our choice about who we let penetrate us. It takes away our choice about who we might choose to procreate with, and it takes away the pleasure of that sexual encounter.

For the perpetrator, yes I think there is a certain amount of sexual gratification, but mostly it's about power. Power over someone. If you want to feel powerful, the easiest way is to take on someone who is weaker than you, and if you can get some sexual gratification from that, then all the better. Rapists are weak people who get a sexual kick from gaining power over someone else, whilst taking on little risk that they will be hurt themselves.

Also fear plays a massive part. Most rape victims are scared of the perpetrator. They feel threatened, either emotionally or physically. That sort of associated fear is really tough on the psyche.

Rape invades both mentally and physically. It is wrong on every level, and despite my efforts, it is incredibly hard to explain why it's so wrong.

 

[shoulderblades]

Unlike a physical death, rape is an emotional and psychological death. A part of me died every time I was raped or sexually assaulted. I can never regain those parts of me, doesn't matter how much I learn to deal with what happened to me. Those parts of me that died belonged to ME, not to my rapists, not to my abusers, yet they stole and killed a part of me as though they had every right to, as though my body didn't belong to me. I never had a say in what happened; I didn't consent or agree to having those parts of me destroyed. I will never know what it's like to feel whole and to feel completely human because of what people have done to me. Death is at least definite and final. Rape, on the other hand, is like a disease that you have to live with for the rest of your life.

 

[The Albatross]

I rationalized my rapes so that they were preferable to physically dying. I had traumas where I quite literally fought to remain breathing though.

 

[sessie]

I think there's something about the bodily violation and also something about how something that should be joyous & full of love turns to something used to punish destroy.

Hugs to you!

 

[lala]

I agree that revulsion to rape is deeply rooted in our brains. The experience of rape is so revolting partly because we are evolved as social creatures. The act of rape has huge social and reproductive consequences. In our ancestral world, being raped could result in unwanted pregnancy (a huge reproductive cost in raising a child with possibly lower quality genes without paternal and familial support).

Rape also has an historical connection to social ostracism. It was not uncommon for a woman who had been raped to be cast out by her family and tribe.

Given the huge stigma and risks associated with rape, I believe the brain is wired for revulsion to the act.

 

[Hashi]

I don't think it's helpful or appropriate to compare rape and dying. Dying as an escape from something else is against nature too. In fact, since our single most primal and dominant of all instincts is to survive, I could argue that it's more against nature than anything else. I could also argue this from experience - I had the chance to die rather than be raped again, and I fought not to die. It's difficult for me to see this presented as a potential "choice". If it was, then I would have "chosen" to be raped.

I doubt that it was anyone's conscious intention to compare one trauma to another, but I feel that's happening in parts of this thread. I don't see it as any different from expressing a preference for being in a car accident/experiencing combat trauma/whatever rather than being raped.

Whatever the circumstances of the death, and whatever you believe about what happens afterwards, the process of dying for unnatural and desperate reasons is a trauma. In addition to that, I'd ask people to consider that if there's a choice between dying and being raped, then the dying option is hardly likely to mean peacefully at home. And it may be something that others have come very close to experiencing, or even have had to make a "choice" about.

Without that aspect, I think this is a very valid thread. Is it possible for the thread not to consider whether rape is preferable to something else, or to compare it with anything else, but simply to talk about why rape, like every kind of trauma, has it's own particular horror, and what that is in the case of rape? I know that's what some people are already doing.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I don't know if it is dissociation that makes me feel this way. But somehow a rapist seems to completely own the body, like it is a possession, objectified and separate from any sense of the person in it.

Also, the person doing it gives off such mixed up emotional signals - if someone gets angry and punches, it makes some kind of sense because anger and punching add up. But the emotions showing in the face of a raper don't make sense - they are so far removed from normal. Rape is mixed up in love, control and pleasure and pain, even nurture. It doesn't make any sense. And I think that's what makes it so difficult to process what happened.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Sorry, I did not think about how it might come across as comparing traumas. I have had both happen to me.

So I guess what I meant/mean was that I am not sure I could take being raped ever again. I don't think my brain could handle it or that I could recover. Something would break more deeply in me and I don't think it would be fixable.

 

[.Bubbles.]

I don't really have any answers. There's just something about that violation. They think they have the right to take what they want, use and control your body. You are ignored. You become like an object. Not a living human being with feelings and rights. It's disgusting and the damage is forever.

But that's just obvious.

 

[Abstract]

I happened to watch Karla Mclaren because of a link posted and she had something interesting to say about this, briefly. Its quite long and the first few minutes are all about Empaths. Personally I think part of what this is about is very graphic symbolic boundary violation and having ones humanity taken away. As well as how mixed it is. Its not just straight forward aggression. Totally messes with ones head.

 

[rightkindofme]

I can see how some people feel upset by the idea of death being preferable but I strongly feel that way. I have been raped many dozens of times. The last time I fought to the point of serious physical damage. If it ever happens again I don't think I will recover. I think I'm done. I don't really care if that bothers someone else. This is my life to lead.

It has been interesting to understand what that means for me though. It has meant that I have carefully gone through each person I know and decided who I am still allowed to know and under what circumstances I am allowed to be near them. I am drawn to sexual predators.

I don't believe that all rape is about power. I have talked to too many people who have found out after the fact that what they thought was consensual sex was not actually. I have seen deep devastation on the part of people who were not told "no" explicitly but who missed body language signals.