If The World Is This Messed Up, Then I Don't Want To Be In It.

[cdg]

My projects at work can take anywhere from minutes to perhaps three months.

I don't see how anyone works with this. I can't even focus.

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock, that's exactly what my therapist suggested to do during moments where we feel like this. I just had my therapy session this morning and I was advised to remember to take it one step at a time

It is a good way to go. Have you read about mindfulness?

I encourage you to continue doing as you have been: one step at a time.

I am trying snappy turtle.

Weird how therapy is kind of like hitting the "reset" button on feelings, huh?

It is snappy turtle.

 

[snappy_turtle]

Have you read about mindfulness?

Actually, when I had my first episodes of suicidal ideation while combating years of depression, my therapist at that time had suggested that I enroll in a mindfulness meditation class that met for 3 hours once a week because it's been proven to help prevent relapse once you're in remission from combating depression. I took the course and I have been practicing mindfulness ever since then.

What I have learned recently about myself is that through some rough times, I exercise every skill I've learned to combat issues as they arise, and I'm always practicing mindfulness in my own behavior and how I choose to experience experiences. After my trauma, every day has been like this and I've been putting those tools to use at their fullest. However, I get tired. I get so worn out of all of this, I mean ALL of this work, stress and self-repair that on occasion I just want to BE. I just want to sit and stew in my feelings for a little bit. I discussed this with my therapist earlier this week and she thinks it's healthy to want to sit in my feelings for a little while once in a while, otherwise all my constant mindfulness makes me feel like I'm just being passive about all the feelings I get and all the things I experience in my life (the whole catch and release).

Being mindful all the time gets very VERY exhausting when the whole reason why you've been mindful that constantly is because you're pushing through the trauma and trying to cope the best one can.

snappy_turtle said: ↑
Weird how therapy is kind of like hitting the "reset" button on feelings, huh?
It is snappy turtle.

My therapy sessions don't feel like that often anymore. It's good. I feel like I'm nearly whole again. Instead, now it feels more like I'm talking with a friend.

I'm sure that the reason why my therapist felt it was okay to say that she agrees that this world can be really messed up, is because I had told her about how I am actively aware that no feeling is permanent and it too shall pass; that I actually now know know for the first time in my life what it's like to have my happiness come internally despite how messed up this world actually is. I don't deny that fact, though.

It's funny because I feel like lately my therapist has been baiting me to see my perspective on things.
She'll pose a statement like "it's okay for you to go home today, reflect on the trauma and say 'poor me. look at what's happened to me'." and I tell her, "no, I'm not going to pity myself. It's not something I want to do. I have no urge to do that or think that way. I've accepted the things that have happened to me, whether or not I believe I deserved them is a whole other issue, but I don't pity myself for it because of how I turned it around. There's no good that will come from pitying myself.".

Another instance is when she said "this world is really a dark and twisted place at times and it's just so incredibly messed up" and I tell her "yes, but so much good comes from these problems. It's what makes it a better place."

 

[ms spock]

Actually, when I had my first episodes of suicidal ideation while combating years of depression, my therapist at that time had suggested that I enroll in a mindfulness meditation class that met for 3 hours once a week because it's been proven to help prevent relapse once you're in remission from combating depression. I took the course and I have been practicing mindfulness ever since then.

That is really inspiring!

 

[snappy_turtle]

I think it's probably the ONLY good that came of that therapist was her suggestion for me to take that class. :) It was nice, too. With such a busy schedule while still in school, I had 3 hours once a week to just focus on me and my well being.

 

[Pietro]

Today, you can find all sorts of books about homesteading, going off the grid, primitive living skills, dropping out. I think there's something about all that that's healthy for us.

As the human population expands, there's less and less room for us to "spread-out", less place for people to "hide", get away, etc. We are becoming more and more packed together, living on top of each other like a nest of rats. This fact, alone, is probably a large cause in the increase in psych problems being seen in our societies.

Add to that the ever-increasing stress of daily life. Companies wanting people to work as fast as computers. The myriad activities and responsibilities in raising children -- especially in single-parent and dual-working-parent homes. With my kids, I go from 6 in the morning until 9pm at night before I get a break, daily, and sometimes need to work on things for the kids past that. Not a great way to live.

 

[Jenfa]

Neeeever be sorry for being an animal in distress. Humans are extremely social monkeys whom place upon themselves these impossible tasks and ideals and this guilt that has no place in any creature on this planet. You're never going to become more than a creature of this Earth. I hope you will not see yourself as a failure. My entire body hurts, but guess what. Suicide doesn't bring relief, if that is why some people may find it to be an option.

About a half hour ago, I really wasn't sure how good I was going to be. Withdrawal from an old med(s) rather quickly. My mother and son are in beautiful Las Vegas, and I'm sitting here like a goat tied up as bait for sasquatch. Most people would love to be alone but as we all know, being alone is the worst you can do. So, I'm here alone, but not really. see.

Mostly, I had to get over the rage that my child was the only reason I was hanging around. But after I got to know that boy, and over the years, if I could take every inch of his sadness and absorb it, I would ..And now that I know I'll be without him for a week, I don't know what's going to keep me glued. In fact, I'm not fearful of hurting myself or anyone else.. but I am fearful that my existence in this way will just get worse.. like a ghost.. except I just didn't die yet. I don't want to haunt my family anymore. That's my mom's job, and hell.. she can keep it.