Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[new gamma rays]

I'm at the end of my rope for sure. I never even imagined myself living this far. After a two year entanglement with hospital ERs and this state's mental health spider web, I'm out and back home. But I never thought I'd get this far. I always thought I'd kill myself before I had to start dealing with my flashbacks and trauma on a day to day basis, and now that I'm back home, and have no distractions they are flaring up, and I don't have any way to dispel them. Just the constant fight or flight feeling. Feeling like there is no way I can keep going on in my life if this is the way my brain is going to make me feel.

 

[Tinyflame]

I never even imagined myself living this far.

..on a day to day basis.. Just the constant fight or flight feeling. Feeling like there is no way I can keep going on in my life if this is the way my brain is going to make me feel.

Was there anything provided or taught in the 2 years you can bring forward that helps? Is there even one thing that reduces it?

I do relate, hope there is something for you even small that helps.

 

[new gamma rays]

No, not really. Besides the grounding techniques on this board, and a few things I've read in a PTSD workbook I really don't have much skills to handle it. I really got no treatment in the past two years, just a continuation of the problem. And being at home compounds the problem because there are so many unsolved scores, slights that my mom did leading up to hospitalization that sometimes I feel like I can barely control myself. She is the one person in the world I pretty much hold responsible for this mess, whether that's completely rational score keeping or not.

It feels like for the first time in two years I actually have enough downtime that all the horrible places I spent at just come back to my mind, like I'm still there.

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe new gamma rays you can just concentrate your focus on what you need to put some distance between you and it, at the same time that will emotionally detach you somewhat from your mom as well. Focus on things you like or that are true to you?

Best wishes and peace.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well, I was just thinking this morning, there is only one activity in this job I cannot face, cannot imagine remaining in it as it will be required likely within 1 year. Second worse thing that can happen here. But then I thought, after getting all stressed out and sick at the thought of it, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Only to find out tonight I'll have to do it 3 afternoons plus every evening, every shift, beginning tomorrow afternoon, indefinitely. :( I feel sick. I feel incompetent in that one area, not to mention it's nearly impossible because of my size and at best even if accomplished- which is going to be a daily horror story- also back-breaking. Legally 2 people are required- in every company but mine. :( I'm not even going to say what I feel or rather what I feel like doing.

 

[ms spock]

Sending you my best wishes Junebug.

Sounds like a difficult situation.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Ms Spock , it's appreciated. It's a no-win situation and I really can't bear the stress, fear and exhaustion any more. Or don't know how.

:hug: to you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks again @Ms Spock , for helping me to hang on. I am very thankful to say, there has been a positive change thus far as of today, and I have my suspicions it was because another worker had the courage to speak up, perhaps vehemently. Which I think has taught me, not that I didn't have the courage (I didn't have it)- but that is, courage was not the issue but having a mindset that I had to accomplish the impossible, was. That's about all that occurred to me, not that I had a 'choice'. Whereas the other worker called it for what it was- impossible. So maybe those times the stress is out of sight, can be because the requirement and relevant conditions are not feasible, and that is what needs to be addressed.

So I still have to face it each day but the expectation is down-graded (for now at least).

I am hoping one good thing might come out of it, I have wanted to try to quit smoking, but couldn't with the stress. Now I see the stress as always present but relative; I thought I had a lot of stress before, but the way I see it now I had a lot less 'before' than from monday night onward, so I am going to try.

Hugs to you Ms Spock, thank you :inlove: :hug: .

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Junebug))))))

 

[Tinyflame]

Sweetest @BloomInWinter , you are always in my heart a ray of sunshine and strength. (And your timing is impecable :) ).

(((((((((Dear dear sweet Bloom :inlove: ))))))))))) , :hug: always.

 

[BloomInWinter]

The same applies to you, amazing lady!

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw Dear @BloomInWinter , I don't know how, but thank you! :inlove: ((((((((((Bloom, xox)))))))))