Relationship How To Give Space???

[Iamhere]

My sufferer hasn't contacted me since over a week ago. I bombarded him with calls and text that he finally replied but all he said was that I needed to stop. At least that told me he was fine. A part of me feels like an idiot for hanging in there hoping he comes around. I have been trying to keep my self busy, but no mater how "busy" I am he is still in my mind every second of the day.

So my questions become: How do you know it's the PTSD that's keeping them away??? Or maybe they are taking the jerk kinda way out of the relationship and just walking away without letting you know??? How long should I wait? If he cared wouldn't he send me a text saying he's "ok"?? What if he's moved on and doesn't want to tell me? What's the longest you have waited??

 

[amcen]

Hello Iamhere,

I remember we chatted in the chat room about a week ago. I am so sorry that things didn't improve since last time :/

I think that it is not possible to know about what part of PTSD his behaviour comes from and what part does not. So many reasons are possible from what you tell us here. I would suggest that you meet a counsellor or a therapist who may help you clarify the situation and decide what is the right thing to do for you (and who knows, for him).

I wish you good luck and hope from the deepest of my heart that things will be sorted out.

 

[Iamhere]

I am so sorry that things didn't improve since last time

Actually as of an hour ago I finally heard back from him. I texted him this morning just letting him know I was still here for whenever he was ready. He kind of when off on me, on how him going MIA had nothing to do with me and that I shouldn't be calling and texting him. And of course I apologized for doing so. Yes I do feel like an idiot for apologizing but I feel that if I don't he will become upset and cause an unnecessary fight. Anyway I know this is going to be a hard road for me to walk on but I really can't imagine how much harder it is for him to feel so alone in this horrible thing called PTSD.

 

[KyGirl31]

Hey there! The longest I waited was 2 weeks and I made the mistake of texting to much as well. He never replied once until I sent him a final email saying I was moving forward and that would be the last time I would try to contact him and that very night he contacted me. I do not recommend doing that! That's the thing with us, we're 5 hours apart and when I don't hear from him for a few days I'm left thinking okay.. Is he working, is he done and just not saying, is he going through something and needs space. Just so many things..I mean I think I'm a very reasonable woman, if my man is busy.. fine. I have no problem letting him do his thing or if he needs space, I can do that to. It's just never knowing what exactly is going on. Then I get a text after 3 days and I'm then feeling like being taken for granted, stupid and questioning everything. So then I go into being less than my usual sweet self and there ya go! Staying busy is key I know but he is always on my mind.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You can't know. Sometimes it's the PTSD and sometimes it's not.

If he told you to stop, then stop. Not just for his sake, but for your own sanity. Not only will the repeated attempts at contact irritate him if he is isolating, but for every text and call he doesn't return, you are going to get more and more upset. But now that you know he is OK, it is time to concentrate on yourself and stop worrying about him.

Only you can decide how long to wait before you give up. Just keep in mind that just because he has PTSD, he doesn't have the right to treat you like a doormat. You deserve better than that.

I'm sorry you're hurting Iamhere. This situation sucks.

 

[KyGirl31]

So glad you heard from him! I know how you feel I want to be there so much for my guy and I can't imagine what he's been through. I will not even ask questions even though I'm curious because I don't want him to think about it. I just never know where we stand. I'm a very strong woman who could probably take it if I lived closer but unfortunately I just don't! How did your talk go?

 

[felicia]

Our stories are one in the same. The difference is my dude and I had broken up for 6 months before I got the nerve to text him. I was so scared he was going to ignore me. He didn't though, we talked and he told me that he loves me and all that good stuff and things were great. I told him I was joining the AF and his script flipped. He said "what am I supposed to do? Be a military husband?!" and I'm thinking oh he wants to marry me? lol. But he is just worried about my safety I think because He was in the Marines and has bad PTSD. So he stopped talking to me. I still love him and I know that next month is going to be really rough for him...so I am in debate with myself to contact him again or not but he is always on my mind. Its frustrating.

 

[Iamhere]

I mean I think I'm a very reasonable woman, if my man is busy.. fine. I have no problem letting him do his thing or if he needs space, I can do that to. It's just never knowing what exactly is going on.

Yea that's exactly how I feel. I think that's only ok in "normal" relationship that don't include PTSD. I just hate having to "walk" around in eggshells. I know I'm not crazy or "psycho" as he may portray it to be, if anything I'm a huge pushover especially when it comes to him. I feel dumb for apologizing but yet I apologize for making him feel "cornered". I just don't want to add to his troubles.

 

[KyGirl31]

Omg does he tell you that your crazy and psycho to?

 

[Iamhere]

You can't know. Sometimes it's the PTSD and sometimes it's not.
If he told you to stop, then stop. Not just for his sake, but for your own sanity.

I did stop as soon as he told me to. This is all new territory to me and I'm confused about how to go about it. This forum has really helped in trying to understand him and PTSD.

 

[Iamhere]

Omg does he tell you that your crazy and psycho to?

No he has never told me that, but I do feel that that's what he thinks. Lol.

 

[KyGirl31]

I only ask cause my guy calls me crazy or psycho and he only does it when we have a disagreement or he feels like I'm walking away I guess.