General Need Insight-husband With Combat Ptsd, Heart Attack, Still Potential Widowmaker Attack Looming

[Sugra]

My husband did 21 years and retired. After each deployment, I watched him loose himself more with each one. After 5 deployments, he decided to retire. His home life isn't beaver cleaver's...crazy wife(ME) step kids, autistic kid, other peoples kids...etc. Back injury during next to last deployment, surgery, lots of nerve damage to spine. Two years after retiring we moved to take care of ailing parents. He was willing to leave an excellent job to be here with me. Four years into it he isn't being the number one to me. I was really busy trying to my parents and stepdad get well. My stepfather finally passed away.

The week he was dying my husband was bedding down another woman, when he needed to be with us. During all this we had a baby come live with us. He loves this child. Then he went after me with sledgehammer, VA lock up, the heart attack, depression. Stint put in, but he still has a blockage on the main artery , which is called the widowmaker heart attack when it happens. He can't get a job due to morphine in his blood on drug test. Never wrong levels but no one wants their employee to test positive. And even though if you are in the peramiters of your prescriptions, labs still tell them. UNEMPOLYABLE! more depression.

I am the root of all his evil, he seems to think. I love this man. But the pressure of trying to care for him and everyone around in overwhelming. I am not sure how to help him. He goes to therapy. But I am not sure he is open. He is a great bs thrower. I guess it is just great to read others are going through similar. He says all the time, If I just died..Not I am gonna kill myself. I mention it to Va, and all they do is mess with his meds, which causes he more moody issues and rage. I love this man, but I am slowly feeling like I am on sinking ship. He tells me to leave. then never really says I want you here he just keep reaching back out. Could I be enabling him?

 

[yaya]

I'm not gunna pretend to understand everything you're dealing with and hopefully someone will be able to give something better than this but I feel that we all deal with issues and some are worse than others and yes some people deal better in some ways but nobody has a right to be a jack ass and make anyone feel less than. It seems to me that if your husband thinks you're his problem than the problem should find herself somewhere where she can be appreciated and not told mean and spiteful crap because he feels inadequate. You didn't give any indication that I could see that you are enabling him to be an ass except the fact that you seem to take it so why would he stop? Idk, like I said, I can't say for sure because I don't know everything but he just sounds like an ass.

 

[kahlan]

Both yall seem to have a ton of stuff going on! That's stressful on a person without a disorder! That said, if its abusive to the point it looks to have gotten from my understanding of your post, get out! Safety for you and the children should be your priority. Abusive behavior especially to the point of violence has zero excuse.

 

[Toria]

Sorry - but I have to ask???

beaver cleaver's

;)

Like Kahlan says - you do both have an awful lot on your plate. I was once told that you can't save someone if you can't save yourself and was given the analogy of the parent putting on their own life jacket before putting on their child's. Does that make sense?

Infidelity is :poop: and his timing was even more so.

Personally I would say you need to look after you first and foremost and once you are on more of a level, then you can start to look after him.

Take care of yourself x

 

[kahlan]

I want to makr a quick comment right now. please use your heads and research claims of a quick fix to ptsd or any other disorder. Making claims of curing a disorder when actual research and genuine scientific studies have yet to come up with said cure at best is reckless. Do your research!!!

 

[kahlan]

Overlooking the growing list of "supporters" (anyone can toss a well known name on something it seems to catch attention---dr. oz for example suing people for using his name without permission) Spamming every thread with claims of a blanket miracle cure is reckless. I'm concerned with what could happen to someone in a particularly bad place grasping at straws for help, and either it doesn't work or worst case the spamming has a more nefarious purpose. Not to mention calling the medications used "placebos"

I'm totally open to alternative therapies as many have a relaxing effect thereby alleviating some of the symptoms, however if there truly were a cure for ptsd and all the other disorders/mental illnesses you are claiming there wouldnt be a need for this forum or anyone here to be here. Kindly stop the spamming. Even if intentions are good, its reckless. Thank you

 

[Nicolette]

AnD as been banned for promotion.

 

[Sugra]

A long time ago, there was a show called Leave it to Beaver. It was about a perfect family, perfect world, perfect kids,etc. I am not sure where the spamming issue came about. Never mentioned placebos in my thread. I am in bad place but I have tried to keep life here going. I was very excited to find this place. Not that anyone can change things here, I realize it. But reading here does help. I have been winging this combat PTSD with my husband for years. Learning and reading all the post isn't gonna do anything but reinforce that people do find a way to cope not a cure. Never was looking for a cure. Balance maybe, but no cure. Still glad I found the website.

 

[kahlan]

A couple posts by a spammer were removed from not only this thread but a few others so those replies look a bit disjointed. :$

 

[Toria]

Never was looking for a cure. Balance maybe, but no cure. Still glad I found the website.

Hey Sugra - I was a bit confused too!!! Thank you Kahlan for explaining!

All you can do is arm yourself with information and do the best you can - it's all any of us can do.

I like the sound of the Beaver family... maybe one day eh? xxx