Starting To Get Afraid Of People Again

[wolfie205]

I don't know why but somehow having people say unkind things to me or really hating me such that they treat me like I don't exist triggers intense feelings of fear for me and I can't shake it off. I don't know if it's paranoia or hypervigilance or if people really hate me and are really out to get me. When things like this happen, it makes me feel like I can't trust anyone around me and I don't feel safe. I don't think it's just all in my head, maybe some of it is but not all of it. Someone turning away just to avoid your glance on purpose and just ignoring you pretty much tells you everything you need to know about what they think of you. I am not being sensitive. Just tired of people hating me for reasons that I had no control over. I don't even know why I'm obsessing over it because it is jut making me more and more anxious. Then even at the place I see my T, the staff keep making comments about me and sometimes they do it so I can hear it. I mean if you want me to stop going there, just tell me. Don't pretend to be nice when you see me then say all these things about me. Feel like everything is just spinning out of control and my life's such a mess I can't do anything about it.

 

[bell]

I don't know why but somehow having people say unkind things to me or really hating me such that they treat me like I don't exist triggers intense feelings of fear for me and I can't shake it off.

I think that this is perfectly normal to feel this way, as people having those feelings towards you is not normal.

Someone turning away just to avoid your glance on purpose and just ignoring you pretty much tells you everything you need to know about what they think of you.

However, how do you know that these actions are directed at you? I.e., how do you literally know that someone is "turning" to "avoid your glance on purpose" without them telling you that that's the case? Some of the most important advice I've ever gotten was this, "It's not all about you." I say this not to be unkind, but because it's the truth! We're all wrapped up in our own worries that sometimes we offend people by accident. Therefore, asking yourself "why would this person be doing this to me?" might be helpful.

Then even at the place I see my T, the staff keep making comments about me and sometimes they do it so I can hear it. I mean if you want me to stop going there, just tell me.

If people are actually talking about you, then maybe it's time to find a new T environment. Alternatively, if you feel like it's okay, you could ask them about it or tell your T about these feelings.

At any rate, be gentle with yourself and, if you can, identify with any good feelings you may have about yourself, even if they're wee and tiny, so that you can find steadier ground to stand on.

 

[presentjoy]

I am not being sensitive. Just tired of people hating me for reasons that I had no control over.

I pulled out this couple of sentences because I'm wondering if you can say anything about what the reasons are that you have no control over?

There are judgmental and mean people in the world, although not everyone is, and I know that the ways I feel about myself influence how I carry myself around, which can in turn affect how I seem to others. Which isn't blaming myself, it's more of a recognition that the whole thing is a feedback loop. This can help me understand how my own anxiety is affecting my perceptions and those around me.

Recently someone hurt me, and I've increasingly become afraid to go out. Since I recognise this, I'm trying to tell myself my feelings make sense but not let them spill out to my interactions with others. (If I saw the person who hurt me I would get out of there quickly)

I think part of what bell is getting at is, whether you can elaborate on what the evidence is that they're talking about you, and if they are, then that's not a safe environment for you and talking to your T about it is a good idea. It's not really so much questioning whether it's actually happening, as trying to help you suss out what is accurate perception and what might be anxiety-driven perception. From there, you have choices you can make.

 

[just keep swimming]

Try giving them or anyone a big juicy smile. I've been where you are at.

Whether they are or not talking about you, sod it. Give them or anyone a good reason to look or talk. Take it into your control and smile, have fun with it, own the power to make people look funny at you or say what they like. Its so wonderful when you get one back.

Yes, talk these thoughts and feelings over with your T. For now try to tell yourself, if its you or them SOD ITT , this is temporary thing no matter how long its been with you. It will leave and thats how I did it.

I'm gonna take my own words and heading out to get dinner. I'm gonna smile and giggle at peoples whatevers.

I'd forgotten this myself, thank you for helping me remember by reading your post.

Regards, a survivor.