Relationship Now I'm Having Bad Anxiety

[kacee129]

He is suppose to be leaving Monday morning. Everything is happening to make it hard for him. No money, car issues, no place to go. Everything he tries to do something gets in the way. Yesterday he said he thought it was time to end it all.

So today I wake up and I'm feeling really bad. I almost want to tell him to stay, but that would not accomplish anything. I keep telling myself maybe this will be his bottom. Maybe he will seek treatment and follow through. Still I'm feeling so guilty.

Now to make matters worse (for me) I rescued a dog a few weeks ago. She is a special needs. Was totally neglected, only had one eye, skinny as heck. She was suppose to be 4 years old. Took her to the vet and was told she was much much older. OK , that's fine. She had a bad upper respiratory infection. We got that cleared up, but she drinks water constantly. I almost can't keep the bowl full. Her blood and urine work came back as the vet said "surprisingly good" So now today she has started "leaking". Sometimes while she is walking, sometimes while she is laying down. I know that is not a good sign. I lost 1 dog to bladder cancer, and another to kidney failure. So I am panicking. Of course the vet isn't there today, and this really isn't an emergency. I know I can't afford thousands of dollars in vet bills. (Thats what I ended up paying with my other 2 that died) Its just that I am already stressing, and now this. I want to sit down and cry.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Kacee - you already know what you need to do - you've stated it a few times.

 

[Hashi]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Anxiety can be really awful and you're under a lot of stress.

Have you got any strategies for dealing with the anxiety? Talking to a friend, going for a walk, deep breathing etc? There are some good suggestions in the sufferer section that I think are helpful whatever the cause of the anxiety.

How would you feel about ringing a helpline for support? I don't know about your location, but sometimes there are helplines specifically for anxiety. I've found this very useful. A general helpline can also help by offering a sympathetic listener. `I think the more help and support you can get for your situation the better.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

@kacee129 I'm sorry if I was a little harsh with the post above. I should have said you are doing the right thing, and I'm sorry about your dog. Is there a local group that helps animals that could help?

 

[kacee129]

You were not harsh at all. You were telling it as it is. I respect that. Yes I know it is the right thing. I just wish it was me leaving because I would be gone already. But since it is my house he has to leave and it will be a few days more.

And thanks for the kind thoughts for my dog. She will be going to the vet on Monday and I'll go from there.

 

[kacee129]

I wish I knew of a helpline number I could call. I have to hold back from crying. And I keep telling myself I'm one poor excuse for a "supporter".

 

[p-no]

You don't have to hold back from crying, kacee. I value crying as an outlet a lot. I don't know where I would be if I had kept from crying many times.

Also, you can not support someone who does not want to be supported PLUS who treats you like he's been treating you. Supporters are no doormats.

Wishing you good luck for the vet's tomorrow.

 

[kacee129]

Crying is something that "he" doesn't like me to do. It makes him feel bad. He feels bad enough. I don't want to make him feel worse. Also growing up my mother always told me "why are you crying? There's nothing to cry about" - So I just hold it in.
I still wish there is something I can say to him. I want to say "get into treatment" - but that is me telling him what to do not him wanting to do it.

 

[Nicolette]

I don't want to make him feel worse. Also growing up my mother always told me "why are you crying? There's nothing to cry about" - So I just hold it in.

I don't believe this is healthy for you as you too are repeating childhood behaviours which are not reasonable. If something makes you sad it is good to cry as it's the body's natural response. Stuff it down and you may create a set of problems for yourself.

 

[StarChild]

Crying is something that "he" doesn't like me to do. It makes him feel bad.

Deat kacee, if I remember right, you wrote in a former thread that you're 64. Well, how hold do you have to be, until you're allowed to cry, allowed to have your own feelings, and your own rights? And why tiptoeing around a man who constantly blackmails you with his egoistic suicide-threats?