Lost Trust In The Forums

[Dacul]

When I came to the forums, I was worried about speaking, like most people probably are. But I did speak, and I started a trauma diary and started sharing about my trauma, and I enjoyed the feedback I got.

This time last year, I went into the chit-chat forum and made an effort to be more sociable, and I felt part of the forums enough to join in the kris-kringle thing.

So it's a year later now and I feel like I've gone backwards. I feel it's unfriendly and full of strangers, not a place where I would be welcome sharing. Or not a place that anyone would care to support me, because I don't fit.

I know the forums haven't changed, it's me who has. But I can't work out what's going on with me. It's happened so gradually and unnoticed. There's been a few small things that I've not been comfortable with. But I do recognize that that's normal and to be expected. But it seems like maybe every time something to challenge my trust happens, I don't get over it - my mind marks it down as reasons not to trust until it adds up, and I don't feel happy being here at all.

As I say, it is me, it's not a criticism of the forum. But it is an issue that I'd like to address and get over. So I'm asking for help.

 

[Lanu]

I think it's Natural to feel some sort of bond to those you've conversed with, and then when people leave it's hard to trust again. (Having said that, I'm not of that sort as I know people's issues to a degree but I don't follow their issues all that closely or form bonds with them).

Chat has been quite quiet lately. I've been around for awhile but my posting has gone way down, and I've noticed the same for others. Maybe it's just a part of the cycle? Who knows.

I guess I don't know what kind of help you're looking for?

 

[Zene]

Sorry I probably haven't explained very well. I guess I'm trying to find why I feel this way, analyse and hopefully find a fresh way of seeing the forus as somewhere to dare to share, and find support again.

 

[Etazat]

JMHO are you able to set boundaries for yourself? Sometimes we pull back feeling vulnerable from comments made by others.

The comment can strike a nerve even when not directed to us personally. Are you able to recognize what emotion you felt that brings you to this outstanding opportunity to reach out.

I wish you clarity and strength! I do hope you are proud of yourself for taking theses steps forward. Hugs if you accept them :).

 

[Rosumu]

JMHO are you able to set boundaries for yourself? Sometimes we pull back feeling vulnerable from comments made by others.

I don't know if I set boundaries or not. I tend to pull back and I feel that that's what i've done, but I've done it so much, I feel too far away for it to be worth being here.

Are you able to recognize what emotion you felt that brings you to this outstanding opportunity to reach out.

I'm not sure what you mean here? Do you mean what emotion I feel now, or what emotions I've felt when I've pulled back?

But perhaps in either case, I feel fear, I feel like if I tried to put boundaries in place, that I would be attacked and not supported. I feel unsafe in a group situation, because there are too many people there to judge.

 

[Ebis]

Do you think it's because you're here and others you were familiar are no longer, which you've told yourself they're doing better?

 

[Etazat]

But perhaps in either case, I feel fear, I feel like if I tried to put boundaries in place, that I would be attacked and not supported. I feel unsafe in a group situation, because there are too many people there to judge.

(((((((((( :hug )))))))))). I recall you saying it was not the forum, the comment of "people there to judge"; is painful to hear.

I know the forum allows freedom of speech, opinions and such. A direct attack or judgement by another is wrong, no matter what circumstance.

Fear of the unknown can be scary. I sincerely hope you are able to review what boundaries will give you a safety net! We all deserve respect and compassion on our journey.

We also have ups and downs through life, sharing in a safe environment is important. You are likely very missed by many members, some might be afraid to ask why you have been away. Really it is no ones business:).

Most members truly want what is best for each others health and future. Please try to make a baby step forward for yourself. :hug:

 

[Wuha]

Do you think it's because you're here and others you were familiar are no longer

No, I was never close to anyone, and I'm not aware that anyone has left. Being part of a group has been a problem for a long time, but I was trying this time last year, to get through that.

You are likely very missed by many members, some might be afraid to ask why you have been away.

I don't think I would be. I've never been part of a clic of members.

The first time I kept away for a long time, was because I became aware that there are lots of smaller friendship groups within the site, and that scared me enough to go. Then there was a time when a few different people were saying stuff like isolation is abusive, and people who isolate themselves are abusers. Those accusations, though not directed at me personally, knocked my confidence here a lot. Then, I think perhaps since the development of the anonymous function, there seems to be more attempts to negatively categorize people according to their circumstances.

I think that's what I mean by feeling that people are waiting to judge. Because I'm not in a friendship group, I feel vulnerable to small groups of people colluding about who's acceptable and who's not.

That's the fears that are stopping me from sharing.

 

[Haho]

My only suggestion is that if you want to share then you say something about feeling a bit vulnerable and you specify what you want. For instance that you would like support but you don't want suggestions. That you are worried about being judged even if no-one would judge you.

It makes sense that you feel cautious. If you say in some way that you feel like that then there's more chance people can respond in a way that feels OK for you.

I hope you can work this out.

 

[Rosumu]

For instance that you would like support but you don't want suggestions.

But I do want suggestions, that is what support feels like to me. And when I have written threads, I always ask what I can do to deal with the problem.

On the threads that I have written, there has only very occasionally been any direct judgement of me. But there are amny threads that judge by stereotyping. And there's nothing I can do, but sit and be judged or keep quiet.

Sorry if I sound negative. I had another blow to my trust from my therapist today. And I'm feeling lost in trust issues in general .

 

[Ime]

I had another blow to my trust from my therapist today.

Oh I'm sorry. That's sounds beyond hard. Sounds like you're really going through a lot.

This is Haho again. If I understand right it's not that you are worried about people posting judgment against you directly in your thread. It's seeing judgment on the forum about particular things and feeling that there is judgment here. Is that what you mean?

 

[Rosumu]

Yes.