Delay In Processing Emotions?

[EverOnly358]

but it is the quality which makes me the person to call in a crisis. I can deal with abnormal circumstances with greater than average efficiency. Think first, feel later.

Oh my goodness... see, I think having suffered trauma that was bad enough to cause a lot of dissociation does make us better in a crisis. I'm always good in a crisis. Personal life, work life. My job for awhile was just going into companies and dealing with one crisis situation after another, because I could put all my emotions aside and get stuff fixed in record time. Of course, the emotions all came back around eventually. There's no getting away from them. They will eventually have their say.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Oh my gosh, I am so glad you posted this thread, Bell! I have exactly the same problem and I thought I was the only one. I never even made the connection with my PTSD.

In situations of danger I completely freeze, which can be very inconvenient (I once almost got hit by a taxi and instead of jumping aside I stood still in the middle of the road!). And I too have found that I handle emergency situations extremely well. It's kind of weird when you think about it; I can get triggered by a person walking too closely behind me, but in serious emergency situations (I witnessed an explosion a few months ago) I can be completely calm and rational and only get a lot of adrenaline in my system.

But I also definitely recognise those "rocks" of emotion. I always rationalise everything and I was just thinking about it today. I do not know when a certain emotion is appropriate, especially with the 'negative' emotions like fear or anger. I don't feel anything unless I give myself plenty of time in a friendly environment to figure it out.

In a way, this is really interesting. I'd love to find out how this works.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Me too! I guess I in some way linked it to PTSD, because I do not think it was that way before my trauma happend (4 years ago).

I hate it, it is one of the symptoms that makes me really vulnerable and the delay makes my emotions and reactions seem unvalid and misplaced and therefore difficult to understand for my surroundings. The delay in emotions and my reaction to them was actually one of my former narcissistic 'friend's' favorite manipulation tequnices used against me.

In short, she convinced me that I better fully rely on her intrepretaion of situations, as I could not properly 'feel myself'. "You can clearly not tell the difference between piss and shit!" She often said that to me.

 

[franciemarnie]

I remember watching The Housewives of New York and there was a troubled character on the show. One night she said in response to some big life event - I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.

My first reaction was intellectual. I thought, That's nuts. You feel what you feel.

But then I realized I'd said that often in my life because I felt nothing but knew I should feel something.

So much emotion buried since I was a tiny tot. Physical pain is what has forced me to focus on feeling what's going on in my body. Coincidental with being diagnosed with PTSD. I use mindful meditation and focusing and learning pragmatically so that now I have a key code of body sensations and what emotion that is.

It is hard man!!!

 

[Abstract]

I do not think it was that way before my trauma happend

That is extremely interesting. I had thought of it as needing to occur developmentally when it is pervasive like this.

it is one of the symptoms that makes me really vulnerable and the delay makes my emotions and reactions seem unvalid and misplaced and therefore difficult to understand for my surroundings.

Once I realised this being cut off from my emotions or cut off from knowing the content of what has happened makes me feel extremely vulnerable and exposed. It has meant that I have gone from avoiding my feelings to obsessively attempting to correct that and keep in touch with my feelings and what is happening to me.

It is near impossible to react in an appropriate protective way when you don't feel anything, don't know what you are feeling or don't know something has happened in the first place. Its one of the main things I would wave away with a magic wand if I could.

Thanks to everyone for sharing and sorry you all experience this. Whats worse is when I first started figuring it out my inexperienced and under-qualified t just treated me as if I was delusional and told me it wasn't possible. Repeatedly. That really made me feel and be extra crazy. Not good for someone attempting to piece together some slither of self awareness for the first time through masses of self doubt and disconnection.

 

[bell]

Whoa! Thank you all for your lovely answers! (How 'bout my "delay" in responding, eh?)

What set all this off was someone else telling me that they had PTSD yesterday. Since I only know 1 other person (in real life) who has it, it was like meeting another alien or something. On the one hand, I felt so terribly sad that they, too, feel what I feel. Yet, on the other, I felt selfishly happy to have met someone who "gets" it.

As today has gone on, I've just felt so very sad for them. And have wondered perhaps if some of the sadness is layered with my own grief over having something so insidious. I have much more to say on this (and to respond to your answers), but am still processing all of them, really. (Quel surprise, no?!)

And thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your stories and making me feel very much less alone.

 

[bell]

Okay, I started quoting bits of the responses that sung to me, and *literally* there was something from every single one! Yeesh!

There appears to be some form of highly efficient gating system that prevents emotional overload being passed into the conscious brain which I believe is the principal trigger for PTSD developing in the first place.

If only I/we could find a way to blast through the gate like in action movies. Just hit the gas petal and blow through it! The only thing I can think that triggered me the other day was an intense grief and intense relief that someone I had met was just like me.

For me it involves addressing the fear that is attached to letting these emotions come to the surface. We have to learn to go where we dont want to go (mentally).

Yeah, I feel like if PTSD could be boiled down to one word it would be "fear." Only I fear (ha!) that categorizing it as only "fear" would give people the impression that we are stone cold wusses!

And several of you mentioned having to be in a "friendly environment" in order to sort things out, which I completely agree with!! I just feel like sometimes that would mean I would have to stay hermetically sealed in my apartment for days on end in order to sort out each and every thing, a luxury that I don't have. So what's a girl to do? (No, really. I welcome your thoughts here.)

Also, I just found out last night that something I wrote about me and PTSD is going on a popular website, so this morning I'm trying to process that in a few days, it will be actually, truly "public." And I think that sharing it may bring some relief (well, if people like it!) that I'm no longer hiding everything from people in my life. Just like several of you mentioned, writing about it helps process and uncover what I'm feeling, so maybe I ought to get back to doing more of that, too.

And, interestingly, now that I've kinda processed what the emotion that was the "rock" I was referring to in my original post, I feel like I'm waiting for it to roll away or something so I can digest the next one, but that seems to be stalling, too. Now I'm scared that they will build up again and that I'll become overwhelmed and withdraw from the world. Again. And all my progress will just fade away into a distant memory.... which is causing anxiety, which is helping no one... especially not me!

 

[quic]

Maybe we all are emotionally constipated.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Now I'm scared that they will build up again and that I'll become overwhelmed and withdraw from the world. Again. And all my progress will just fade away into a distant memory.... which is causing anxiety, which is helping no one... especially not me!

I know how you feel. You know what it's like to have those horrible anxiety attacks and such and you don't want them again. You're afraid of the way they make you feel and that it will hurt you so bad that you'll be back at square one before you know it.

One thing I've learned is that even the smallest bit of progress should be embraced. You opened this thread and you've already gained new insights. No way that will all be lost. The strength it took to ask advice about what's bothering you, and to open your mind to what other people have to say.. That is not the PTSD talking, that is you. That kind of progress has to come from somewhere, doesn't it?

One thing I like to say is this: PTSD is what I have, not what I am. And I think that every step forward, is worth being cherished.

 

[bell]

@quic, that's the crux of all this really, isn't it? That our ways of processing emotions are messed up (to differing capacities)?

@Snowwhite, many thanks for your kind words. Making "progress" sounds so much better than what it often feels like... "stalling." Today I'm back to "robot mode," where I feel little because I don't want (it's hard to admit that I don't want to process anything right now, y'know?) to feel anything, I want to just get on with my to-do list and stop trying to process everything.. which is kind of what got me in all this trouble to begin with! Gah! And "square one!" Such terrifying words! :)

 

[Mybirch12]

Another YES here!

Three years since my trauma and I'm experiencing the same thing! Where I used to be a loving, doting and emotional person (in a healthy way) it appears to have been replaced by a major GAP between my emotions and intellect.

I am aware of where I 'should' be emotionally, however it is near never where I actually am.

I remember being able to be very sad and cry, have emotional release in a healthy way (that relieved feeling after a long cry) and on the other hand be joyfully happy when beautiful or wonderful things were going on around me.

I feel like the "stone" in the stomach is similar to being in an emotional limbo? Does anyone here agree?

I am SO happy you posted this thread, it shines light on a very important issue not only for those of us suffering, but the people around us who we love.

You are not alone, clearly! I certainly hope for all of us that we can find our way back to our emotional selves!

 

[bell]

I feel like the "stone" in the stomach is similar to being in an emotional limbo? Does anyone here agree?

Yes, I agree!

Sometimes I long for when I was numb to everything as it just seems like so much "work" to feel! But, then again, I know that "feeling" means joining other humans in this thing we call life, so I also know that it is worth the work. Well, I know this most of the time... just not so much right now, today. Gah.

If only there was a way to speed up this process so that I don't have to spend days trying to figure out one darn emotion!

ETA: After writing about this, I'm finding myself wanting to just stuff my face. Eat everything. And I can see the clear correlation between eating and processing and literally "stuffing" things down, which is even more annoying and frustrating. I'm finding myself in tears because there's so much to process and I just want to ignore it and eat instead, which is no good for me. Damnit!