Binary, Or Black And White Thinking...

[Deleted member 23044]

I myself believe that it is better for a person in the long run to face the pain of a trauma, connect the emotions to a trauma, feel the emotions that were birthed from a trauma, in order for a person to truly heal and move on.

In my personal experience and understanding of dissociation, traumatized people disconnect from their emotions revolving around a trauma and while this is... understandably, a survival mechanism and I'm glad for it(specially for children, as children can not intelligently understand what is happening during the time a traumatic event takes place), I feel that until all the emotions can be felt, accepted, understood and connected to where they belong... the initial trauma can't be fully "processed" as there would be missing pieces. If one continues to stay disconnected emotionally regarding a trauma... then there are missing pieces, so to speak, and the trauma can not be fully processed...? Even if the dark days upon "waking up" puts the person or others at risk(in which case they should be watched closely/admitted/helped for the period of time that this connecting goes on).

In this way I understand where your life coach is coming from. It seems that some people are SO drugged up(prescription-wise) and their attitude about it is... essentially, escapism, and or hoping that drugs will fix them. It's an easy out, just pop a pill and feel better! Right? And this kind of drug use can essentially keep a person disconnected from themselves(because they focus more on medication to try and help them instead of emotionally and mentally connecting themselves). But I myself am not opposed to prescribed drugs, either, like you. Sometimes I do believe it's needed, as I am open to the idea of an anti-depressant if I should ever become scarily dysfunctional and feel that I need the extra help. I would not want it to be a permanent thing, though.

Sorry if this offends anyone!

I think your life-coach meant that it's case dependent and in order to carry on he'd need specific details about everything involved when he said "if we're not talking about a hypothetical situation." You could, if you wanted to support your side, find case's(articles and etc) where medication truly helped a person process their trauma, and that person is healed today, or something like that. Idk though! I think, like you said, he already agreed that it depends. So... maybe it's over.

 

[franciemarnie]

It kind of sounds like he attacked your thinking to put you on the defensive because he couldn't admit you had a point.

I think he needs a life coach.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think he needs a life coach.

This made me lol.

 

[scout86]

This might get kind of long, but I think I know what he was talking about.

Some time back, my therapist told me a story about a kid he was working with, who has test anxiety (among other things). He told the kid to picture a situation where he was confident and relaxed, Create that feeling in himself. Then he told him to squeeze his knee with his hand and make the feeling more intense and less as he moved the pressure up and down. Then to practice that until he could do it reliably and to use it when he went in to take an upcoming test. He called this an "emotional rheostat". My homework assignment for the week was to think about other ways that could be used. He actually specified in "non-dangerous situations. There were reasons for that, but it doesn't pertain to this. Anyway, I went on about my day, thinking about ways this could be used. I kind of liked the idea and honestly had never really thought about it.

Not long before that, I'd had someone do something incredibly stupid while I was trimming a horse's feet. He caused a wreck that could have gotten me hurt. My first reaction was kind of homicidal rage. My second reaction was to realize that killing him would be going too far, so I did (wait for it!) "nothing". So, being who I am, I decide to try to picture ways I could use this new "emotional rheostat" idea in dangerous situations and it suddenly dawns on me that there were RANGE of things I could have done that day between "killing him" and "nothing". (Duh!) But, THAT idea actually never entered my head.

The following week, my T told me a story about a tribe of Indians who have 2 words for color, "blue" and "not blue". We talked most of the hour about how limiting that is and how nice it is to appreciate all the wavelengths of light. And how, if you don't have the names for the colors the colors are still there, you just don't recognize them. I thought it was an interesting story. (And wondered if he was making it up!)

Several hours later, a light came on (AGAIN!) and I realized that what he wanted me to see was that I kind of operate that way a lot of the time. I believe "binary thinking" is kind of another version of the same thing. He went on, a few weeks later, to tell me that he thinks I have something called Alexithymia, which is kind of related to all this too.

For me, the moral of the story was pretty much that you sometimes don't learn to pay attention to stuff because if you notice it you have to deal with it. And, yet, as an adult anyway, it's probably better to both notice and deal with stuff. Besides, the world is a more interesting place with all the colors. I don't know where your guy thinks it creates problems for you, but maybe he does. It isn't really about being right and wrong as much as it is about appreciating that there may not always BE an absolute right and wrong, or that there may be more than 2 options.

 

[Valentino]

Everyone is susceptible to black and white thinking.

And within black and white thinking, there's a lot of gray area in how it can manifest.

It can be extremely hard to recognize it in ourselves, and probably near impossible when we get emotionally triggered. Once triggered, our limbic survival mechanisms kick in, and that forces our attention to see things in the simplified way of black and white, all or nothing, safe or dangerous, right or wrong, blame other or self, total responsibility or innocent, etc.

There might be some black and white thinking going on with the rush to judgement and attack towards the life coach or old bf. I have a friend who I suspect is borderline or codependent, and often times when I see him go into Black & White thinking, I feel that his internal trigger statement is 'How Dare You!', and then starts to defend his position irrationally or attack the other.

Communication starts to go black and white when things get defensive and judgments come in. Suddenly it's about defending a position or attacking the other. What is dropped is attempts at communication: What is the other person really trying to say? What was their intention? Does he/she feel heard? How did the other person understand what I said? How was I heard? Was I heard at all? What was I really intending to communicate?

Communication and socialization might be inherently violent, NVC (Non Violent Communication) likely takes a similar stance. Interacting with another fellow human being might be naturally aggressive in nature, with communication we're just using language, thoughts, ideals, stories, beliefs, judgments, blame, shame, guilt, etc. as the weapons.

 

[Philippa]

I feel the same way robotdaily. I was not trying to say that it isn't the better option to go drug free and feel everything, in order to heal. That has always been my actual stance. My argument with him was that there may be certain cases where this may not be the case.

I'm the one who was saying with certain individuals stopping self medication may be destructive for the person and anyone around them when they start to connect with their rage, if unsupported appropriately. He was the one saying that everyone who takes drugs is preventing their own healing.

I just woke up and logged on to find his reply and it's even more bewildering.

Apparently now he thinks I am trying to extract free advice from him on behalf of third parties, since I mentioned that I knew people who were in this situation, or had been at one time, and he refuses to give advice for reasons he won't go into??

Evading the question much?

All I asked him was if he could offer any other options, that I may have overlooked, to argue the point that I am thinking in a binary fashion???

I think he has assumed I am acting on behalf of people I know and is paranoid of legal repercussions at this point? Crazy.

 

[Deleted member 23044]

All I asked him was if he could offer any other options, that I may have overlooked, to argue the point that I am thinking in a binary fashion???

Oh, I think I misunderstood! In any case... I would not worry myself over it anymore. From what I can tell, your mind is a good one and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for it! You are sharp, you are caring, and that ain't hard to see from here. :)

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

There is not much gray for me. Black and white... right and wrong. I do not believe that this makes me less intelligent by any means. I could probably be more imaginitive. I just think of it as having a strong moral compass. I usually am the person who speaks up when i believe something is wrong. I think to much gray could lead to a person being easily manipulated. Thats just my personal opinion. However, since i am a binary thinker i may not be seeing the gray...Wow! I may need to think on this a while longer:confused:

This. Exactly. So true. I was all about gray areas back then. Now, I swing from black to white because I was severely manipulated in my last traumatic experience. I totally relate to this.

 

[Philippa]

Oh, I think I misunderstood! In any case... I would not worry myself over it anymore. From what I can tell, your mind is a good one and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for it! You are sharp, you are caring, and that ain't hard to see from here. :)

Thanks robotdaily. Nice to be reassured sometimes. I'm not bothered by it now...just initially I was having trouble with it. Thankyou all for your time and input about this subject.

 

[Philippa]

Aaaaah...joy. I just wrote out another paragraph of the latest wackiness, and then erased it with a slip of my finger. Yay!

I will start again.

So, apparently now I am this sinister person manipulating him into giving 3rd party advice (that I didn't even ask for) and wasting his time, for asking a simple f*cking question and trying to see if he would concede that it might be an exception to his rule.

He launched into a 271 line layout of how I am manipulating and playing mind games with him and that he thinks I'm some 20 something kid trying to justify my drug use and that of my friends.

I'm 39 and I never said I was friends with the people I knew...just that I knew people who were living in this scenario. I was mainly speaking of people I know here, whom I have read their stories and how they are taking drugs and cannot afford to have therapy. His assumptions are truly incredulous.

I think he's a nutter!

 

[WillowMarie]

He launched into a 271 line layout of how I am manipulating and playing mind games with him and that he thinks I'm some 20 something kid trying to justify my drug use and that of my friends.

Wow.... I have often noticed that people that can't even try to understand things from anothers point of view, tend to lash out at others and try to make them feel bad or wrong. Try to guilt the other person into saying maybe they were not right.

I am very glad you can see that he was "nutters" and that it says nothing about you, just that he isn't open to even trying to see things from another point of view. :)

 

[elisabeth]

I believe you took the high road in this one!

I'm 39 and I never said I was friends with the people I knew...just that I knew people who were living in this scenario. I was mainly speaking of people I know here, whom I have read their stories and how they are taking drugs and cannot afford to have therapy. His assumptions are truly incredulous.

I think he's a nutter!

. That speaks much of your good character. I agree he is probably a jerk. Good for you though.