Emotional reasoning ..... an ingrained cognitive distortion

[Tinyflame]

Funny you should say that @Abstract (post #23), my friend that is a priest said we can't change God's mind about (that) He loves us or loves us so much or always feels that way looking at us- we're not that powerful. I guess I am tempted to think 'well then God must be crazy', as per myself, but I am trying to change that by trying to accept who God is, and God isn't me. Even if I don't feel that way about me. I guess too if we are effective at pushing others away we figure we can do that to God too.

 

[Tinyflame]

Also, not just pushing others away but being abandoned I guess. Or no help, as Psalm_23 said. Or no help if we asked or begged. All 3 ways could affect the conclusions and beliefs we end up with in our heart.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Really those feelings of shame and rage aren't ours to start. We need to hand them back to those that they belong to.

Exactly! With the exception the "God complex" is the driving force of the abusers. A very toxic and skewed form of God. They desperately want you to bow to them. As a child I prayed to God to stop the insanity. He didn't. :( On the bright side. He made a peaceful warrior out of me. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

That's sweet @Survivor2Thriver . You are very strong. :)

@Lionheart777 , I only once heard the word "(you) must have felt abandoned". It never occurred to me til then as a concept pertaining to me. My thoughts followed that 'yes, and I rightfully deserve it'.

I think it has had a large play in how I think, or feel about myself. If I was abandoned, and deserved to be, then self-harmful behaviours, life choices, or SI seem like just 'cutting the burden away (me)', the dead-weight-of-me. So yes, ill-health I would 'deserve'. It is like finishing-the-business someone else began.

 

[Lionheart]

I just received word from my doctors office that my blood sugar is high and I need to have more fasting blood labs drawn this week to determine if I am diabetic. However, there is no moral self-judgement involved here and consequently, I do not think I am being punished for being "bad", so there must have been something else at play when I was ill with the flu. (suffering)?

I wonder if the original childhood belief that I was bad and deserved the abuse is what is really being triggered here in the case of illness and emotional reasoning (for me) ?. The childhood logic would follow that if I feel bad (poorly) then I must be at fault. Of course, as a friend pointed out to me today, this is crap and totally untrue.

The thoughts are intrusive and distort the truth of the situation. I think Abstract nailed it ie; it is an attempt to feel in control / less out of control, and if I am to blame then I must also be able to control the outcome of the situation. Hmm....much food for thought!!!

I also like what Junebug said about finishing the business someone else had begun, because I used to think/feel that way a lot.

Maybe when bad things happen no one has to be to blame and I only need take responsibility for doing something about it to change it for the better. Beating myself up for being ill certainly isn't fun and is not a behavior I wish to continue. I will create some positive affirmations for when I am ill and add it to my self-soothe kit, then when I am ill I will stand a much better chance of minimizing any emotional reasoning that may crop up. Or at least this is my hope!!!

Maybe, recognizing that physical illness is a trigger for me, could be the first step in correcting the problem. When I was a member of A.A. we were often warned to be wary if we were to become hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT) as this could result in a slip back to old behaviors (drinking). I could also apply this to PTSD symptoms and add the category of being sick/ill. I think it may come in handy. *(crosses fingers)

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@Junebug I so relate to cascading thoughts preceding physical sickness. I'm the poster child of that as well as abandoning huge things and fleeing lol Thanks for sharing that. I really feel validated.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I wonder if the original childhood belief that I was bad and deserved the abuse is what is really being triggered here in the case of illness and emotional reasoning (for me) ?. The childhood logic would follow that if I feel bad (poorly) then I must be at fault. Of course, as a friend pointed out to me today, this is crap and totally untrue.

I wonder if the original childhood belief that I was bad and deserved the abuse is what is really being triggered here in the case of illness and emotional reasoning (for me) ?. The childhood logic would follow that if I feel bad (poorly) then I must be at fault. Of course, as a friend pointed out to me today, this is crap and totally untrue.[/quote]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when I read this part, I thought on "this is crap and totally untrue." That's true in the mind of an adult, but what about the child who feels those feelings?

In my own personal journey to process my childhood, I realized that . . .you know how when you're a kid and the world seems so big whereas when you're an adult, that same childhood place can seem so small? Well, I started thinking that maybe emotions are the same way for a child. Humongous! And because our feelings were so often ridiculed or because we couldn't express them or we might die, they stayed humongous and keep on being humongous in the present.

So, I started acknowledging the little girl inside of me (and I was so against the whole inner child thing at first lol I thought it was completely hokey and dumb, no offense to anyone) and over time, I learned that for me, it played such an important role in me integrating.

When I had those childhood feelings, instead of intellectualizing (I most often did because I was like "OMG! I'm a grown woman. This is ridiculous!!!), I acknowledged them as little me and had several conversations with her about it. I told her she was safe and whatever else I wanted to.

Again, I felt completely ridiculous, but it ended up being paramount to integrating the "I feel bad therefore I am bad".

 

[Lionheart]

Hmm, I think that I need to validate and acknowledge my inner child's feelings and respond to them with compassion and adult reasoning in order to integrate the "bad" feelings and negative thought processes.

I hadn't previously considered that emotional reasoning made perfect sense to my child-self and that it was in fact logical for a child to think that way. Thank you StrongerNow, what you said made a lot of sense for me!!!

No wonder the world was such a scary and painful place in the past, everything was magnified and a lot of the trauma would have overwhelmed even an adult person.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Right, and an adult person can comprehend it, process it, put up boundaries, etc where as a child could not so the child hides and determines "I feel bad therefore I am bad". The child had to do that in order to survive because expressing emotion was not safe.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Also, you already have the adult reasoning. The adult reasoning maybe just takes up so much space (defense mechanism) allowing no space for the adult to respond to the child with compassion?

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Right, and an adult person can comprehend it, process it, put up boundaries, etc where as a child could not so the child hides and determines "I feel bad therefore I am bad". The child had to do that in order to survive because expressing emotion was not safe.

Sometimes the very abuse itself has a counter affect/effect. I was forced to say "I'm sorry I was born." I was made to say this before I was in kindergarten. I vividly remember wanting to live.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

(((Survivor2Thriver)))