Hello Friends, I Think I Could Use Some Help Right Now.

[jd9900]

I am going through a rough period in my life. However, that is the easy part. What I think I need help with is this - there is someone in my life very close to me, and she is in danger of losing her father and her grandmother in the same week.

Her grandmother likely will not make it through the evening.

The father, the grandmother's son, has lost a lot of his cognitave abilities, and nobody is even sure he understands what is happening to his mother right now.

I've dealt with my share of loss and pain, God knows we all have here. But it is really hurting me that all I can do is sit on the sidelines and watch this happen with no ability to....help.

I am there for her as much as I can be, but even that is becoming hard as she is just (for obviously good reasons) emotionally draining me because she needs support.

I am trying as I always do to strike a balance between what I have to offer and what is starting to hurt me as a result. And I just feel bad I can't be more "there" for her.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, or even just wants to say they understand, I think it would help me not feel like a failure right now for watching these events unfold and not being able to do anything about them.

Thanks as always for listening.

 

[Madhather]

jd9900 that is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place and I feel your pain. I wish I had words of wisdom to share but all I can say is if you don't take care of you first you won't be able to take care of anyone else. Sending lots of positive thoughts for you and your friend during this difficult time.

 

[jd9900]

I feel very selfish even bringing this part of it up, but her and I had a vacation scheduled for this weekend and now I don't think it is going to happen. And the selfish part of me is really sad about that as well, I mean... if I didn't have faith in her or love her I would question the timing, but I know she isn't that type of person.

I just sucks all around.[DOUBLEPOST=1390259300][/DOUBLEPOST](And thank you for keeping her in your mind, any support is very much appreciated.)

 

[keifer]

Just take one step at a time, might be very small steps. Far easier said than done. I guess here we get to see our humanity or our interconnected to each other which society tends to ignore but it's our greatest (can't find the word).

 

[Deleted member 20280]

JD9900 if you will accept them, as a practicing Christian I would like to keep your pain and situation in my prayers tonight x

Hugs from where I am to wherever you are in the world. Having been where you are as a sufferer and where she is from losing very close family members my heart and prayers are yours and hers tonight.

In Jesus

 

[jd9900]

I will gladly accept them laurie. And how incredibly gracious of you to do that - thank you.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

JD9900 The lord does not judege anyone of us. I am no saint and I dare any man/woman to claim they are blameworthy. My affection and love goes out to all. I found this Forum when I was at my lowest psychologically and spiritually. ( I woke up in ICU with a respirator keeping me alive)

I thank God that I am still alive and he has plans for me. If my prayers can help anyone in anyway they are given with love.

massive hugs

With Jesus's Love

Laurie

 

[Deleted member 20280]

A prayer.

Sandara Sandomi Mi Dara Saey Ah Deamo Dracaem AMEN. ( Lord and Saviour protect my soul from the devil, amen)

 

[Madhather]

And the selfish part of me is really sad about that as well

I don't think that is selfish, it is human to be disappointed when something you have looked forward to is postponed. You are still there supporting your friend when it is draining and difficult for you, that is not selfish. That is compassion and caring for another. Be gentle with you this is a difficult situation for you both. More prayers coming your way.;)

 

[Barconian]

I don't know if this will help... I'm am in the position that your friend is in. My closest friend has only a few weeks left of life, caused by Kidney cancer, which has spread through out his whole body! All I do is help him do things he can't do for himself, listen to him as he vents about how he feels and discuss his illness openly and in a practical manner, leaving emotions aside as best we can. The hardest thing for me is watching my friend suffering the level of pain he is in!

My brother has stage 4 lung cancer... He is still at the early stages and is doing different types of chemotherapy to try and reduce the cancer before it spreads to far! His wife has asked me to support her to get through this as she isn't a strong person and is very afraid!

My little sister has breast cancer... She is currently in hospital in the ICU ward because the drugs she has been taking for her cancer has blocked her bowel causing the blood to stop flowing around the bowel and the parts of the bowel had died! The doctors had to remove parts of her bowel! The chemo has reduced her immune system, which is worrying the doctors, that she may not survive!

My mother is beside herself that 2 out of 3 of her children are on their death beds and can't understand why she and my father are 70 and 80 and will probably out live their kids! My mother talks to me about her feelings and how she isn't coping and all I can do is encourage her to stay strong and help where I can.

Is it draining? My bloody oath it is!!! But I am not the one dying a horrible death and if I were to be selfish and ignore them, then I would never forgive myself for not doing what I can to support my family and friends :(

 

[bell]

I agree that you need to take care of yourself first and make sure that you are emotionally healthy before you can truly help her. I know that when I was in a similar situation (2 very close family members were ill for a long time simultaneously then died on the same day), there were times when I had to step out of the room/house for a moment alone because there were always so many people around and it was somewhat triggering. Or times where I had to escape to the bathroom because I didn't have any more energy to give. Years later, I know that it was taking these little moments for me during all the chaos was what allowed me to be there and more present for my family. Best of luck to you.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Is it draining? My bloody oath it is!!! But I am not the one dying a horrible death and if I were to be selfish and ignore them, then I would never forgive myself for not doing what I can to support my family and friends

Barconian my offer of prayer knows no bounds.

I lost all four grandparents to cancer and my father to COPD at a young age. When my father was dying he did not call my mother or older siblings who lived in the same town. I took a call from his Dr and traveled throughout the night to be by his side. My father wanted ME his furthest living away son to be with him. When I walked into that hospital ward he was trying to fight a nurse away who was only trying to help him. I was having a really bad time 10 years ago with my PTSD and had tried ti commit suicide only a week prior to his call. I put my desperation aside and was there for him MY DAD!. The one man never to hurt me but I still struggled.

When we need so urgently to put our PTSD in its box for just a short time we can. It takes a lot of strength to do and will we will more likely regret it afterwards but we will be rewarded psychologically in later life. My prayers and love to all sufferers who can find even the smallest moment to put our PTSD aside and concentrate on loved ones who need us even for that short moment to just be there for THEM!

Laurie