Fight Or Flight Response

[Samantha_38]

I was young when my dad would abuse me too. Yes, flight is exactly all that is possible at that age, and for many years after. I'm still always in flight. When he shows up again, I still don't fight back. I don't know how common that is, but I'm mostly in flight and never in fight as well.

 

[Lucycat]

I was young when my dad would abuse me too. Yes, flight is exactly all that is possible at that age,

I too was abused at a young age by my father. Flight was not an option. But I could not fight either. That left - freeze and dissociate - ie flying away within my head.

 

[The Albatross]

Brought back to my attention because of an alert... I neglected to say, if cornered I will fight myself out in order to "evade". That's the fight response for me. I fight for my right to withdraw, detach, or avoid the aggression like my life depends on it.

 

[Samantha_38]

That left - freeze and dissociate - ie flying away within my head.

I did this too. I should have said flight was all that was possible out of those two choices. Dissociate I did. Flight was maybe possible, but only to the extent that a child can run and hide from their parent.

 

[Mercy]

It suggests to me your subconscious has a great will to live.

Thank You so much. I have had a lot of false but powerful guilt about surviving when other children around me died. But if survival is non voluntary, I have had a recent experience of this. When in a hosptial, I was deeply sedated because cleaning nerve tissue off bones hurts a lot When the long surgery to repair my ankle with steel plates and screws I was brought to my room. I reacted to the command, 'Hit the dirt' by standing up in my hospital bed and diving flat to travel on the floor as far as I could. I broke my wrist too. I will have to mull this over. The will to survive is unconscious, not in my control, is not in my control then , in childhood and not now.!!???

 

[Mercy]

It suggests to me your subconscious has a great will to live.

I think you are right. 'A great will to live' are words I can easily accept. They don't carry any hint that I was mean and selfish because I lived and others didn't - false guilt and survivor guilt. I can't be even moderately happy in the here and now if I am a survivor ( I hope my point of view doesn't insult you, as it is part of your name), even though that is a true statement for me too. "A great will to live" goes with the vow I gave myself when I was about 5, 'I will do no harm." Which translates to they will never make me one of them.

I can't thank you enough, Survivor2Thriver, for reframing the way I can relate to being alive. I'm guessing that small childen can only gain a strong will to live because it is inborn and a good thing. It is going to take a while to adjust my self condemnation, for having lived when by rights I should have died along with the other children who did die.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

@Mercy. Pinecones: Mother nature is beautiful. It thinks of everything. Always prepared for the worst. Humans are the same. There are certain pine cones that will burst and release their seeds only when they are exposed to extreme heat. In the middle of a raging forest fire..(death destruction and the dark-side of life) life is already beginning again.

You're more than a survivor.

Your "seeds" are hope love compassion and all that's good in the world. :)

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

"A great will to live" goes with the vow I gave myself when I was about 5, 'I will do no harm." Which translates to they will never make me one of them.

Amen.

I'm guessing that small childen can only gain a strong will to live because it is inborn and a good thing.

Yes,I believe it's innate. It's a very good thing the human soul/spirit is designed to thrive. Once you get past the horror of what happened to you,you can't help but want to understand what happened to your abusers. What caused them to fail and go against life itself? Perhaps,its a great thing we don't understand! Ha!

The responsibility is not yours to bare.

By "rights" every child or person should never have been exposed/forced to endure abuse at the hands of the soulless. You were/are able to adapt appease and overcome. At those odds we have an opportunity to feel a greater peace that cannot be fathomed by those who don't understand the hell we managed to survive.

 

[Mercy]

Thanks, Still pondering..Saw my T for EMDR thursday and we worked with your theme and one senario where surviving has always meant at the cost of other children' lives in the same senario. Survivor guilt and false guilt have kept me frozen. But the freedom inherant in "a great will to live" is creeking open doors within me, long locked and rusted from tears. This is a profound paradim shift. I seem to need a lot of sleep. I guess time for the subconscious to do adjusting too. I really cannot thank you enough.

 

[Woof]

I think my flight-response goes back to the original traumatic event of my childhood. 5 year-olds can't defend themselves against an abusive parent -- I would try to get up and walk out of the room when my dad would be screaming at me for a long time, but whenever I tried to leave the room my dad would say something like, "Where do you think you're going, I'm not done with you yet."

For years and years, my "Flight" response was working as designed.....I took "Flight" every chance I could. As years went on and age began to take a foot hold....My "Flight" response began to tire....I got tired of constantly running, physically, mentally, emotionally and or chemically (not to mention the expense of continued "Flight")

Now, and for the past several years, my "Fight" response has kicked in....with a long over due vengeance! Although our abuses sound a bit different....there is a similarity. One where I simply had to "take it" and "take it" and "take it". Running was not an option. Fighting was not an option. I simply endured.

It seems there is an over compensating factor in my life today. I FIGHT. I fight, not physically, but mentally, emotionally...and to what end? I can get so caught up in the "FIGHT"....I literally forget what I am fighting about, fighting for....no longer does it matter if I am right or wrong....what matters is that I FIGHT.

I see many with an aversion to the FIGHT....I see just as many that have an attraction to the FIGHT. Regardless of whether there is an aversion or an attraction, there is still a relationship with FIGHT.

Very interesting these "Fight/Flight Responses"...How they work, Why they work, Where they work and When they work. So I am left to wonder, will the "Flight" cycle return once again after I tire of this FIGHT....after all, I am getting older...aint no body got time for this mess!

 

[Leeum]

I had a motorcycle accident just over a year ago where a car pulled out on me from a junction, spotted me after pulling out and slammed the brakes on completely blocking the road. I was travelling at a considerable speed and was severely injured (still have broken bones). Before the accident I was a typical bloke with no understanding or patience for mental illness, didn't feel as though I needed anyone for anything. I had a bit of a rough upbringing bullying/abuse (which I put to bed a long time ago) but it taught me to look after myself and as I grew older learnt I didn't have to take crap off anyone and I don't.

Anyway, after the accident I developed PTSD and WOW was that an eye opener I keep reliving the crash as flashbacks along with all the other lovely things that comes with PTSD. I'm currently having CBT which I feel is helping but I'm having real trouble with my fight or flight responses. I'm constantly on edge and jumpy everywhere including the safety of my flat but more so around busy roads (my flat is on a major busy road so maybe that's why). It seems to be getting worse and its taking longer for my brain to realise there is no threat, by the time it does its sometimes too late and I've already reacted. I don't go out much as I'm scared to leave my flat but must brave the big bad world sometimes for hospital appointments and to go food shopping ect; When I do go out my anxiety goes through the roof, sometimes I have panic attacks sometimes I don't but I'm always on edge. Countless times now as I have been walking down the street something has happened, like a car pulling over to park and before I have realised what's happening I've ran full pelt halfway down the street. After doing this I feel a bit embarrassed and stupid for running away from nothing and usually laugh at myself later on. Other times its a bit more serious, twice now somebody has walked out of a shop right in front of me as I'm walking down the street and twice I have punched them before realising what's going on. Luckily both times this has happened my victims have been lovely understanding men even went for a coffee with one of them as way of an apology. Afterwards I feel ashamed of my self for hitting an innocent person, what if it happens again? what if next time its a lady or a child? what if they don't understand or if I really hurt them. I try to leave it untill as late as possible before I go out to avoid these situations but I cant do that for ever.

I know the things I am doing are unconscious decisions but is there a way of desensitising your fight or flight response? or a way of leaning towards flight instead of fight? I'm increasingly worried that I may hurt someone out of the blue, or end up in a street fight which I want to avoid at all costs as I am a big fella and I do have anger issues at the moment, i dont know what would happen if i were to get into a fight im scared ill just see red and go crazy even though its me that started it.