Grief And How Death Affects Us.

[fly away home]

I have lost many friends. This week I lost my boss of 13 years. I can't quite understand if I am grieving for him or am I also feeling my other losses too and confusing them? Have they all compiled into one? My ptsd originates from death so there are huge emotions involved already. So big that I'm blocking them for fear I will lose control. I feel like I don't have the right to grieve for him and I don't understand why. He was more than a boss he was a good friend. I'm not glorifying him but he was a man of utter integrity and honesty, sometimes that honesty would cut like a knife! He supported me in many aspects of my life not just work so I do miss him dearly and if I miss him why am I not allowing myself to feel the loss? Does it not rightly belong with him? Does it have to be boxed for each person? Why do I want life to be tailored like this? Rationing out my feelings for each loss only if it's justified. Am I trying to control things too much? Why can't I just let go and embrace the sadness? Appologies if this is slightly confusing, I am feeling overwhelmingly confused.

What I think I'm trying to say is that I'm scared to feel it because it will hurt and also because I'm scared others will criticize how massively I think I'm going to react. I'm holding it in cause people will say Oh she's carrying on but he was just her boss.

 

[Seasounds]

I've found:

• If I lose a person, it can easily 'open the door' to other losses that I've had.
• I've benefited from finding safe people (therapist, friend, etc.) to grieve with, and safe ways to express it (writing, etc.) rather than to let my grief build up, over time.
• It has worked out best for me if I do NOT share my level of grief with my coworkers. They are likely to either use it as gossip, feel personally burdened with my emotional process, judge my emotional process, or report to a superior that I am having a hard time-that reflects negatively on my ability to do my job.

 

[fly away home]

Thanks change for your reply. I probably didn't explain... there are only 6 of us at work and five of them have worked there longer than I have, the loss to my work mates is massive and therefore I feel safe to cry a few tears with them but cant really let go, we are like family and have always felt comfortable to drop round at each others homes unannounced, they know my history, we are all very open about our failings and it has made us a strong team. We are all very close but I feel that they have more right to grieve than I do. The restraint really comes into play at home when I am with my partner, or around my mother. Here I am lost.

If I lose a person, it can easily 'open the door' to other losses that I've had

Thanks, I am glad (but saddened) to hear that. I thought I 'shouldn't' allow losses to intrude on each other, it feels unjust. Like I am taking from the dead something which is theirs and handing it on to my boss who should have his own, and does, but is getting a whole lot more thrown in...now I sound down right balmy!