General Ptsd Break Up

[aj1]

@Solara might sound harsh, but it really is the unvarnished truth. I would be better off if I believed all the other first hand accounts I read here. Ours was not any different or more special. Love does not conquer all.

As terrible as this sounds, once you have made your case, you have to drop it and walk away. It is the best thing you can do for yourself. You have no idea how many things tried to draw me back. I would give her space, and think it has been long enough. Then something would pop up and make me think about her non stop. I would reachout and receive radio silence. I kept out hope over the holiday seasons that we could rekindle our relationship.

In a sense, I kept reliving the pain. Don't do that to yourself. If he wants to talk, he knows how to find you. I'm sorry it has to be said.

 

[Tswevnz]

Thank you all for the awesome posts. It has been a wake up call to read about all the pain and suffering caused in these situations.
I have done these withdrawals on numerous occasions to family and friends..... Justifying it by telling myself I'm so insignificant they won't even notice.
I'm not worthy of being loved.

However deep down I know it's not true ... But I convince myself , otherwise I would feel even more guilty for not being the 100% best person I could be.

With that said .... I sometimes feel that PTSD gets to much credit. Yes we may have had traumas and yes we struggle with life ..... BUT .... We can still be (excuse the language)
Assholes that should be held accountable to our actions.

The way your partner treated you was a true asshole behavior.

Getting closure by not getting closure SUCKS - been there done that. Unfortunately time and moving on may be the only closure you get.
Just saying .... Sometimes excusing our behavior with ptsd is not fair & I think sometimes we need to get a wake up call making us realize what our selfish struggle does to other people!
So thanks for the post !

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Tswevnz- thank you for that. I struggle a lot with my anger at him and my compassion for him. It's sometimes hard for supporters to know where conscious choice plays in some PTSD issues, especially isolation and avoidance.

I know my anger is real, it is mine and it's valid. However, it doesn't feel the same as a non- PTSD man just choosing to be cruel and heartless. I don't know if that makes sense.

But, thank you.

 

[Tswevnz]

I understand what you mean.
When someone with PTSD says:
-It's not you , It's me...
They genuinely mean it.

If someone else would say it:
- it's not you , it's me....
Then you know they are probably talking bullshit and the anger is warranted .

PTSD explains our behavior BUT it doesn't exempt us from responsibility to treat others kindly and with respect ( and whatever else that may entail)

 

[kyara]

PTSD explains our behavior BUT it doesn't exempt us from responsibility to treat others kindly and with respect ( and whatever else that may entail)

Tswevnz, being conscious of both behaviour and thoughts already tells a lot :)

 

[atthree]

If I had to explain something, in the back of my mind, not to hurt you anymore than I already have. I would have done the exact thing. "I'm sorry" is all I would be able to say.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

An "I'm sorry" would have meant the world to me. I'm sure a lot of others in similar situations would feel the same. It would be a validation that we also have value and deserve respect.

Just my opinion.

 

[Tinyflame]

That's so sweet @BewitchedBewildered , thank you so much. :hug:

 

[atthree]

I think she recognized me and my a PTSD is triggered by a simple hello from her probably. All I did was smile back. Should I've try to say something after learning I had PTSD, to the perfect girl more than 20 years?

 

[kyara]

PTSD is triggered by a simple hello from her probably

My partner with PTSD said to me in email, "your expression of care is a trigger of my stress"... I believe him as I have seen him break down and said to me, "you are scary". I am completely shattered it hurts but I know, that is the dark shadow that has engulfed him talking at that moment, and it hurts because I know he must be in so much pain and darkness.

I know I am not the cause of his stress and I love him very very much. I believe we can work things out because we have a very strong bond. Right now, there is no communication at all so I don't know what is happening, but I would genuinely encourage you, please don't give up and talk to that perfect girl in your life.

The "perfect" person doesn't come around all that often in a lifetime. Don't give up any chances of that person slipping away. Take pride in approaching her and whatever happens next, you have taken that step forward, and that is what counts!

My partner said to me, "If I find a way out of this situation I am in, I will contact you if you still want to be in contact with me." I hold strongly to this last promise, and every day that passes is a day closer to hearing from him. I don't know what will happen, but I am certain whether we are together or apart, I want him to be a happy man.

I am sorry for sharing my story on a post that blondie has started. I hope that my sharing will harness strength in those who share similar situations, and offer reassurance and comfort for those who are struggling with ptsd.

 

[AJJ]

Hello...My story is quite similar in parts. I met a man on-line and he said he was in the army, I didn't have any intention of meeting him mainly because he would have been away a lot and I wanted someone who I could date regularly. After talking we decided to meet and it was fantastic. We both felt a very physical attraction and planned to meet the following week. This was amazing too but he had to go away, during this time we had communication but there was a misunderstanding and he never showed up for the next meet. I never knew what happened and sent umpteen texts and voice mails but no response. The hurt was like nothing I had ever experienced, someone who was so loving and keen was ignoring me completely. I hung on in there but stopped contacting him.

After 6 weeks he contacted me and it all began again, we met it a few times it was lovely then the same....disappears for 3 months, by now he had opened up to me about PTSD so I waited thinking he must have time to get better. Again and again he came back and it was like we had never been apart each time. Now he has gone again, no contact for 3 weeks. I have text him saying I understand etc and he knows I will wait but I worry this is how it will always be. I have always thought of myself as a strong person but this kills me every time it happens. Do military actually ever get better or is it something he will always suffer with. I have never asked him this as I always try to be positive and say "when you get better"

Any help would be gratefully appreciated.

 

[kyara]

and he knows I will wait but I worry this is how it will always be. I have always thought of myself as a strong person but this kills me everytime it happens

Hi AJJ, I relate to the pain you feel. My understanding of PTSD's response is "fight or flight" and I apply that to myself when I feel that pain. In "fight mode," I try to address where the pain is from, feel it, work through it, manage it to get through the day. In "flight mode," ... and I haven't had one yet, I guess I will drop everything and leave. I think our hearts and minds have the wisdom to know when we can "fight" or when we need to "flight". It is just what we are made of, what the relationship gave us. It is not a scale or yardstick of how strong we are, or who we are not.

In another relationship with a man I had loved and open myself to, he was a rebound guy and long story short, he came in and out of my life and there came the time, I said to him, that's it, I am walking away. How he takes our relationship forward will be his choice, whether we can be friends or not, but I am walking away. He then did something that caused me a lot of pain, and I told him how hurt I was, then we did not speak very much ever again. This person, now lives with his girlfriend right next to my unit, under the same roof. It was liberating to walk away and to feel completely disassociated with this person after a about half a year.

I think when the time comes, when I "have to walk away" from my relationship with PTSD involved, it will be similar to any other relationship I have walked away from; it is a reflection of the compatibility of 2 people in a relationship. In my life so far, I have walked away from an abusive relationship, and I have walked away from this rebound guy who is now my neighbour, and so far I am still quietly fighting my relationship with a man with ptsd. It has just been 2 months and counting, the silence. Leaving the 2 previous relationships was the best choice at that time, given what I knew and how I felt then and it just has to end.

I hope my sharing will help you work through your thoughts and feelings. The decision will come to us, and it will be best decision because it was the most appropriate at that time.