Court Was Yesterday For The Crime He Committed Against Me

[LokiBell]

I posted an introduction a while back on why I have PTSD. My husband who was taking illegal steroids and also has schizophrenia, tried to kill me then tried to kill himself. This happened last September and we are now just getting a hearing. Yesterday was my first day at court and I was supposed to testify. I had a court advocate with me and my sister. I never made it to the court room though. My husband decided he is insane and wants a mental evaluation. So he will be taken to a facility in the state we live in and will be there for who knows how long (months even possibly a year). Once he is found competent he will then come back and stand trial for the charges against him. He will also have one more charge added as he writes letters to me and asks me to not testify against him. I send all of the letters to the district attorney and when he gets out of the mental facility he will have witness intimidation charges filed in addition to the other 3 charges.

I had taken medication to get me through the day so I wouldn't have a panic attack (these happen often). It worked. Although I was extremely nervous and scared out of my wits if I had to see him (thank goodness I did not) I still made it through.

So even though nothing huge happened yesterday I still can't stop crying, and moping around. I feel so heavy hearted and I can't seem to get out of the slump.

I am also starting the process of gathering paperwork together to start the divorce proceedings. I want to get it done but since he was military I have to wait until I am approved for transitional assistance from them until I can sever all ties.

So that's where I am, wherever that is........

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@LokiBell I wont post what I have just typed as from my own recent post I am not really "wired correctly today". What I will briefly reply is that I know exactly where you are coming from as I had similar experience with court case 2 years ago.

I won't put details here but what I believe may help your plight is this.

So that's where I am, wherever that is........

You have been waiting for that "day in court" for so long it feels like forever. To have it come to this, another potentially very long year to wait for the next opportunity to come about to see him face what I am sure will inevitably be a full trial on whatever charges he then faces is disheartening at minimum and distressing as you want closure but will now have to wait again for this day to come back.

My thoughts and (( Hugs )) are with you.

Laurie71

 

[macca]

@LokiBell I'm so sorry to hear that. You worked so hard to prepare yourself, only to have him squirm his way out of it at the 11th hour. He won't be able to do that again. You are doing an amazing job, getting things done despite the state you are in. At least you know that the medication worked, and that's up your sleeve for next time.

 

[Barconian]

So even though nothing huge happened yesterday I still can't stop crying, and moping around. I feel so heavy hearted and I can't seem to get out of the slump.

Yesterday was huge in itself... I hope your emotions settle quickly, LokiBell! It wouldn't help with your husband sending you letters pleading for mercy. Take care :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I understand how you feel. Court cases like yours are very scary experiences. I understand that you seek justice and it sounds like you are doing a very good job of taking care of his harassing letters. I am so sad that you have to deal with that.

For the past year, My daughter has been going through something similar to your experience and I am a witness to how mentally exhausting it is. It just makes me feel sick all of the head games a person can think up to do.

I am so happy to hear that you are fighting for a divorce. It is a very good thing you are doing for yourself to get as free and far away from him as possible. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Thank you for sharing.

Big hugs. Hang in there, keep on fighting for you and do not give up until you are free of him. You have so much inner strength and courage inside of you.

 

[natalya]

Wow. stay strong. You can do this. We are here for you. You are soo brave. I know for dure if I was in your shoes that I couldn't do it. So you are so much than you think you are. Keep it up.

 

[LokiBell]

The encouragement and advice I receive here helps me get through. The slump I have been in is lifting somewhat. The more I think about it, the more I agree that my husband needs to be evaluated. Normal people don't do what he did to me, so I am accepting where this journey is going. I have still been feeling lost all weekend but my oldest son won regionals at his sporting event this weekend and that perked me up. I didn't get to go because I had court, but just knowing he is finding success makes my heart happy. Some days I know the only reason I push ahead is because of my boys. I cannot let go and give up. I have them to think about.

 

[Barconian]

Normal people don't do what he did to me

No they don't :(

 

[Meadowsweet]

Be gentle on yourself, you are doing really well. One of the things that has damaged me in life is being told (and feeling that) I'm doing something wrong when I feel emotion and confusion, when actually, when these really serious things happen, all those feelings are exactly how you're meant to feel. They are normal reactions to the abnormal situation that you are in. He is the one who is messed up for doing what he did, not you for feeling a reaction to it.

 

[LokiBell]

I found out today his mental competency will be reviewed in court in two months. Two more months I have to wait. Sometimes the burden of being me is so overwhelming. I miss being my happy self, the one who gives without holding back, who loves 100%, who trusts and who doesn't cry off and on throughout the day. I miss the old me. I know she will return someday, not the old me but a revision of me. The trauma of healing is frustrating at times.

 

[Barconian]

You need closure and this is a long hard closure, @LokiBell Be patient my friend, be patient, it can only help