Ect Therapy

[TimeToHeal]

I think we are all hearing you, and acknowledge your feelings of desperation. What we're trying to help you see is that what you are saying you are after - for the traumatic memories to go away - just isn't something that any type of therapy is capable of doing. And as I think someone else has mentioned, even if you could somehow erase the bad memories, your other symptoms would likely remain.

I hear your frustration and recognize your efforts. I also hear that your current therapist is not a good fit.... And I've been there. As much as it may not seem like it right now, there IS someone out there who you will "click" with and who you will feel comfortable working long term with. I say "long term," because unfortunately there is no quick fix for PTSD, or anorexia, or depression. Yes, it sucks, and no, it's not fair! You haven't found a therapy technique that works for you, or a medication that works for you, but that doesn't mean that they're not out there...you just have to keep looking and trying and reaching out.

It also sounds like you are very overwhelmed by your current circumstances. I understand how important school is....but being unable to focus and study, failing classes, all of that which you've mentioned, only serves to add to your stress and desperation and feelings of failure and being out of control. I don't know your specifics, but it sounds like maybe you would benefit from taking a step back for awhile....dedicate your time and energy to healing and getting yourself stable. As someone else also mentioned, there are inpatient as well as outpatient partial hospitalization programs specifically designed for trauma and eating disorders. Perhaps one of these such programs would be helpful in getting you to a more stable place. They are designed to help you make more progress in a shorter amount of time, as they are constantly monitoring your medication effects and side effects, there is much more therapy than you can obtain from a one hour appointment once or twice a week. I don't know where you are located so I'm not able to recommend a specific program, but they are out there!

I'm sorry that you are struggling and feeling so desperate. But we do hear you and we are here to support you.
:hug: if you'll accept them.

 

[Hashi]

@PandaBear, I think people are listening you. We're trying to help you, not upset you.

That might include challenging your thinking on things. Listening to your views and then questioning them isn't the same as not hearing you.

If you still think ECT might be the answer for you, then there's nothing to stop you consulting a psychiatrist about it. If it's considered appropriate and safe, then it would be your choice whether to go ahead and try it. Whatever other people's experiences and opinions are, if it's offered to you then it's your choice.

 

[Echo]

@PandaBear12212 - I used to teach various courses in different universities in the UK. I'm wondering whether a good deal of your stress is ALSO coming from the pressure of your college work. I wonder whether you have thought about giving yourself a bit of a break and shifting to doing your course on a part-time basis. You might not think it is possible, but, although universities and colleges might not advertise it, or let students know, it is usually possible, on health grounds, or if someone gets pregnant or has all sorts of other reasons for doing so, for a student to take one or more modules (course components) a year, rather than the whole thing. Or to spread essay or project submission over a longer period than other students. I'm suggesting this, because it might make you feel a bit calmer and more able to deal with the really difficult aspects of your healing, those really bad down days or hours when you can't concentrate on anything or just feel too desperate to manage anything at all.

There would be absolutely no shame in doing this. At least it might be worth finding out whether it is an option for you. I know I wouldn't be able to deal with a full-time course at the moment; some days my brain is too dissociative, or too tied up in flashbacks or somatic energy is whizzing around and driving me nuts, or memories emerge and take all of my brain space and emotional capacity.

If you could take some pressure off yourself in this way, your body might not react in crisis mode, like you are experiencing. Feeling hemmed in and out of control by external things might be mirroring your traumatic experiences and triggering you to think about or feel other traumatic situations when you were constrained and out of control.

Anyway, it is just a thought. At my universities, we would have been very open to discuss such things confidentially with our students and to find solutions that allow a student to stay on the course, but in a less pressured way. You would just need to contact a course director (whoever heads up the academic administration of the course) or someone who has a pastoral role for students in the faculty (usually a member of staff who does this alongside teaching, or someone whose only role is to support students when they have difficulty, for reasons like this, with completing coursework or courses). There is usually also the opportunity to defer a year altogether, so you don't lose out financially, but it might do you good to feel you were progressing in some way and remain connected to the structure of college life.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that people here do in fact care. I think we are listening to you.

There is no magic wand you can wave to make it all just go away. I get the feeling that you are desperate to make the memories go away, but the truth is that you've got to keep pushing forward with the coping skills and processing. I know some can shove it all down and muddle through things, but I don't know of anyone who has healed in any capacity who hasn't learned coping skills or truly processed the trauma.

I hear you say you've tried various coping skills. What is the extent of "try"? I ask because many of us have to practice, practice, practice before a skill really helps us. I had to practice meditation for the better part of a year before I felt that it really helped me. Now I can calm myself within seconds. It is one of my most powerful tools. But, if I hadn't worked for such a long time to perfect it, I'd never know how to calm myself when the anxiety hits me or I'm in an emotional flashback.

Please try to understand that we are trying to help you.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I hear you, my post came at the same time you posted so sorry if that caused you more concern, but I don't know if you are hearing us - what you want from ECT is extremely unlikely at best and impossible to say that you will get it. I think that my life would be greatly improved by winning the lottery as I'd be able to move away from my abuser, pay for the treatment I want, have good and secure accomodation etc, etc. The fact remains that me winning the lottery is next to impossible and whilst there is some very small chance, I wouldn't hang my hopes on it. Wanting it won't make it so.

But go ahead, try and find someone willing to give you this therapy and I truly hope you get what you want.

Good luck :)

 

[PandaBear12212]

Try as in have been trying the techniques for AT LEAST a year. I'm not being impatient here like it seems you all think I am. I just don't have an exact written out timeline with a written list of treatments I've tried. It's just not working for me. That's it. Not everyone will find help from the different therapies like you did. I feel like I'm being hounded just because I'm desperate for something to work. Yes ECT isn't the best choice but I've tried multiple other therapies and they just simply are not working. This was just a thought I wasn't planning on making an appointment for ECT yet.

 

[digger]

I don't think it's that people aren't hearing you or listening to you. You asked what we thought about ECT and people have been honest with their answers. I appreciate the answers aren't what you wanted to hear, many of us do know how it is to be in the desperate place you are in now, but I don't think you are going to find anyone here who can say that ECT fixed that for them, or that they think it is the best course for you to follow up on. Of course if you want to, that's entirely your choice.

People aren't saying what they're saying to hurt you or add to your distress though. Two things you can expect from this forum, honesty and support, but you need to be open to people seeing things different ways sometimes - personally that is something i really value about this forum. Sometimes when I am caught up in my own issues it is hard to see them as objectively as others do and I appreciate that (although not always straight away;))

I really hope you find something that helps. I hope if/when you read this thread back at some point you be able to appreciate some of the good and genuine advice that's been offered here.

 

[PandaBear12212]

Two things you can expect from this forum, honesty and support, but you need to be open to people seeing things different ways sometimes - personally that is something i really value about this forum.

That isn't what is bothering me. I appreciate honest but just the way people are saying it makes me feel like I'm not trying enough or that I'm impatient or crazy for wanting to try ECT, when it's just something I saw and was curious about. That's all.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I don't think your impatient, I do think your desperate. Actually I do think you're impatient but in my opinion that's more than understandable - You need to find something to stop this because you can't cope and keep on like this - something NEEDS to change. I hope you find something that works whether it's ECT or not. So many people here have had 30+ years of therapy or are over 50-60 years old, I'm 24 and already find it so painful to think that things might never get better or they will take that long to, the thought is inconceivable and unbearable. I don't know how old you are but you look young in your picture and I know how it feels to be looking at a life of not getting better and the gaspingly desperate feeling that I need to get better soon or my whole life will be this - and then what's the point of living it, because it's so painful.

I don't think you're not trying enough or crazy for wanting to try ECT but that the chances are so slim of it doing what you want and the risks of other life-ruining complications are so great. I think that it was a great idea when you had it, I don't think it's a good idea now. I think that our opinions are just that - our opinions - which you asked for. If you don't like them then you don't have to listen to them. Maybe you can do your own reading and come to your own conclusions, maybe you will find something different to what we have shared. I do applaud you for looking into alternative solutions - your curiosity is very good and helpful and maybe it will help you someday to find something that will help. I only warn that in my experience, I've spent ages reading to find a new medication or a therapy or just anything and so far nothing has turned up - now I believe eventually a time comes, when you've exhausted all that has always been there and only new things can shed new light.

I really do wish you luck and peace with all of this, I hope you find your solution whatever it may be.

 

[Justmehere]

That isn't what is bothering me. I appreciate honest but just the way people are saying it makes me feel like I'm not trying enough or that I'm impatient or crazy for wanting to try ECT, when it's just something I saw and was curious about. That's all.

I could totally understand it if you were frustrated at others honest responses. You were clearly excited about ECT as a possibility, and no one really supported it and myself (and others) were frank about our honest opinions that it's not a great next step. That sucks to hear!

I don't think you are crazy. It's not crazy to want to do anything you can to heal. PTSD can feel like a giant grizzly bear is chasing us all the time. That's pretty much how our bodies and minds are responding! It's hell. You want to be ok, and you deserve to be ok and no longer have PTSD. I don't think you are so impatient, but exhausted from working so hard in school and against the PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nobody said you were crazy....

You should understand that we periodically get people who come on here and say "nothing works, blah blah blah" and the responses are always the same. Learn the skills and process your trauma. We know of no other way out. So in effect, (not to be mean), but you may be up a creek without a paddle if you can't find skills to help, a way to process, or medication to ease symptoms. Sorry, but that's kind of how it is.

 

[PandaBear12212]

I have learned the skills they just don't help me, I've taken the pills and they don't help me relax or feel better. I know how to process. I've tried.