General Can A Breakup Really Be This Overwhelming? Sheesh!

[felicia]

@Gingerly, I don't know what to do? I don't know what to say? Do I give him an ultimatum? Do I just take my things and run as fast and far as I can? UGH

 

[Al_Lurker]

I'm going to say you should tell him how you feel. I'm guessing it will 'provoke further discussion' so be prepared for him to go defensive and an argument. From my point of view - and that as a man that has no contact with exs - for a man to do such things shows a lack of respect for you as a person. It's sounds as if the ex is making an attempt to win him back and he's at least tacitly allowing it. And he's using it to try to make you jealous. It's ok to be friendly with an ex wife, even essential when there are children involved but he should be 'defending' you by at least telling her that what happens in her life is no longer any of his business unless it involves the children. He shouldn't respond to anything else in any way other than to delete it.

And @Gingerly is right... we do have times when we just don't think. It's cost me more than I could ever have imagined but I still haven't learned after a half century.

 

[felicia]

@Al_Lurker THANK YOU! That is my point dead on because he does have children. He should have been defending me not pretending I don't exist. That is why I am so upset. You don't even know how good that felt to see those words on the screen from a man.

As far as discussing it. I have, and he says he only does it because he doesn't want to make her mad and her keep his kids away from him. He has a court order agreement that he gets them on his days off. She cannot keep them from him. He needs to seriously set some boundaries because he is being so disrespectful to me as his companion.

 

[Al_Lurker]

I will admit that he has a somewhat valid argument... I know there are women in the world that will use the children as emotional weapons and it sounds as if she is one of them, a near a certainty if it takes a court order to reach agreement on having their father in the children's lives. I completely understand his feelings for wanting to be a part of his children's lives even though I have none of my own **BUT** this does not relieve him of his responsibility to respect and defend his relationship with you. You are a part of his life and the children's as well and at best he's setting a bad example of how to treat one's 'significant other' for them to follow. If you aren't important enough to him for him to acknowledge who you are and what you mean to him 'in public' then you really don't mean that much to him. I can't tell you to stay or go because I don't know you but it seems to me you need to find some time to take care of yourself, find happiness within yourself and let the relationships sort themselves out as time passes .

 

[felicia]

Thank you everybody for all of your responses. They have given me some inner sense of strength and knowledge.

 

[Al_Lurker]

... inner sense of strength and knowledge.

Which is where all things good originate.

 

[Gingerly]

@Gingerly she sends pics of some girl her now ex cheated on her with asking my bf if he thinks she prettier than she is.

Who says this?? His ex sounds a bit immature to me. I think she's playing with his head. If she knows about you, I'd venture to say that she's playing with your head too. I would ignore it if you can. Maybe give him one more chance?

 

[felicia]

@Gingerly you're very right. She definitely knows about me. She is being very immature and disrespectful and I know she is trying to play with his head and she obviously got to mine. She doesn't know it though. I'm not about to let that happen either. I refuse to stoop to her level and let her know that I'm upset. That would only add fuel to her fire. I just need my bf to acknowledge that she needs to stop sending stuff like that and photos of herself and their past family photos. I know she's just trying to break us up.

 

[Gingerly]

@felicia I think if you say something to him, he may defend her instead of sticking up for you. So be ready for that. She's just being a "betch". Say nothing to her.

 

[felicia]

@Gingerly, I already brought it up yesterday and he didn't defend her but he didn't say much either. He says he doesn't want to make her mad and then she keep his kids from him. They have already a court order he gets his girls. I understand his kids come first but c'mon!

 

[Al_Lurker]

@Gingerly.... he didn't say much either....

Defensive mode engaged.

Silence can say more than thousands of words sometimes. Or maybe it's "actions speak louder..."

 

[felicia]

I guess you're right @Al_Lurker and I told him that same thing.