Poll Would You Describe Your Life As Productive

[TLight]

Yes, I don't think people know what to say. But I thought it was kinda 'blah blah blah' kind of comment.

Hum, that's the second time this week someone has said they are afraid of 'setting me off.' First was I guy I had three dates with and said he was 'falling for me' and 'we' could rearrange my apartment so 'we' could have a place to cuddle. I put a big whoa on it explaining that I felt that was too fast and my boundaries were being encroached.
He said he was afraid to say anything to me in fear of 'setting me off.'

Good week.......So I have an opinion, something someone says seems 'off' to me and I state it and suddenly people are afraid of 'setting me off.' Great.

 

[TLight]

Now I'm 'set off.'

 

[januarys5]

I said no. I miss the person I was before PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@TLight,
I'd be weirded out by a guy saying "we" could rearrange MY personal, private & safe space so "we" could have a place to cuddle. But then again, I'm overly protective of my personal space because of safety issues. I don't think he gets it, and I suspect that those without safety issues ever will. (Sorry if I seem to be projecting the safe issue on you, as I'm not trying to, rather I'm saying this would be my personal reaction!)

 

[Mayday]

That comment would piss me off too. So presumptious and basically dismissive of what you've been through. I wonder how she would feel if someone referred to slavery as 'productive'.

I ended up voting as undecided. I havent done much with my life so far but I have helped out with an animal rescue and adopted a special needs pet that would otherwise have been put to sleep. I do think those were productive, good things I've done with my life.

Edit: And yeah, if someone wanted to rearrange MY space after just a few dates...ugh I find that creepy.

 

[TLight]

Thanks Solara.

I sat with that comment for some time, like I did something wrong asserting my boundary. Someone saying they are afraid of 'setting you off' feels very hurtful to me, like I'm some kind of raging mental person whose dangerous. Things make me angry sometime and I think its healthy to say that instead of reacting in anger. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that her comment kinda made me angry, even though I know she didn't mean to, it still is a feeling I had and I'm proud of myself for accepting it and not reacting.......I'm practicing accepting all parts of myself, even the negative parts.........I think that's pretty healthy.

ok, I'll let go of the comment now. Just didn't appreciate it.

 

[Loner]

That comment would piss me off too. So presumptious and basically dismissive of what you've been through. I wonder how she would feel if someone referred to slavery as 'productive'..

Ok, I'm being a smart alec, but slavery was indeed productive, that was the whole point! Immoral, detestable and such of course, but productive for sure.



Also, I know it sucks to feel like no one understands your pain, its isolating and people say things that hurt and feel invalidating, I have felt that same anger and alienation before, but at the same time, most people are doing their best. I feel like I read a lot of things on this site where my fellow PTSD sufferers seem to expect non sufferers to have a great amount of patience, understanding, empathy, and tact, for something they have no experience with, but we sometimes don't even think to attempt to extend those same things to non sufferers for not responding to our idiosyncrasies as perfectly as we would hope. I say this because I have noticed this attitude in myself before. Most people, sufferers or not, are doing the best they know how.

 

[TLight]

Ha ha.......I should pm her that! But I won't. I understand she probably meant well.

That's so true Loner. So hard to practice though.
Sometimes I think that if I had cancer or a limb blown off or something and I'd get more support and empathy. Then I think of the people who have those things and I feel bad for thinking that way.

It's a double whammy. No real understanding, sometimes even judgment. And everyone seems to think that going to therapy will make you all better. All it really does is gives you ways to cope. It isn't a cure. Plus with multiple life long traumas, you have all this other crap going on, like attachment disorder, etc.
It's so lonely.

 

[Hope4Now]

I voted undecided. I have been over productive my whole life. Meeting others' needs and trying to live up to some vague notion of perfectionistic expectations that are some ugly combination of self-imposed and engendered from my childhood. Then I guess I ran out if gas but continued to run on empty. Since the proverbial s$&t hit the fan I have been living in terror of my decreasing productivity defined by my own standards which require me to run myself ragged so there is nothing left for me. I'm still doing that too much...but trying to slow down and figure out who I am and what makes/would make me feel like a whole integrated person who is not perpetually exhausted. So, if going to therapy 2x week and meditating and resting daily and writing in my journal about all this and spending inordinate amounts of time baring my wounded soul on this forum is productive, then I am productive. If it means meeting other external obligations in a timely way and with a lot if positive energy, then I am definitely not productive. Basically hanging on to the sheer rocky cliff with my ragged fingernails.

 

[The Albatross]

I just know that if I focus solely on the lowest times, traumas and adversity that it leads to a life of diminishing returns. I can't work 8 hours but I adapt and adjust to what I can do. I can do up to 5 hours before I hit my limit in mostly one on one environments So that is what I do. It takes me 7 days to get 35-40 hours. It takes a lot of management. But the reality is, that unless I am willing to adapt to my circumstances in a way that is generally beneficial, life will continue to deal me more of the same problematic people/places/situations.

I did not always have this outlook..I almost died from alcoholism because my summation of my life was a lot like yours is TLight.
In the end I found I was more willing to do the work of recovery than I was to continue the slide.

My life is not what I would like, but it is indeed the only life I'm going to have so I am careful about the messages I tell myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

This site is not who I am... and that is what people must remember. This is no different than trying to define anyone's life based on a possession or act alone. Life is much more complex than that... and I believe some above understand that more than others.

I am actually not surprised @anthony of your vote. I think what you said really draws light to '"What do we define as productive?"

I would say no, I am not, by society's standards. But in some ways I recognize society's standards are not all of what I want, the most important to me, or would fulfill me.

I think we struggle a lot with ptsd (due to the nature of dealing with it it is required), but maybe the most productive part ('to produce') is that it opens us up to challenging our own or society's viewpoints of what is most important, or how we 'should' think, or what we should do. They say it's no more helpful to get to the top of the ladder and find you are on the wrong ladder. :eek:

I think people are most productive (in their own ways) when they are true to themselves and their likes, natures and characters.

@TLight , (and others), what you've done to deal with the consequences of the trauma after the trauma(s) I think is very productive. Good people who have continued to fight, but with an awareness of others around them.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Has my road been productive? Yes, but....

My trauma and the resulting PTSD has severely crippled that productivity in every way I would measure it, except one aspect and that would be spiritually. If I were to maintain a positive spin on it, I would say it has redirected my productivity, forcing me to take paths I would otherwise have never considered, but such is very slow going. The only area in which I feel it has actually sped my productivity so that I am moving forward in leaps-and-bounds is my spiritual growth.

Finances, career-path, education, relationships, parenting, etc have all suffered, and it often feels like I am treading through a swamp, struggling for every step I take. There are times also where it seems, despite all my hard work I am simply stuck or even moving backwards.

Have I made progress? Yes, but... it is most definitely a struggle. A struggle that would not have been were it not for my trauma. Perhaps it is, in a way, a good thing - as it forces me to build my character, strengthen my weaknesses, and challenge myself, but any time I make comparisons to where I was before my trauma, the things I've had to let pass me by, the places I could have been.... I feel very, very unproductive.

I am an optimistic person and I do believe my struggle has been a blessing. As I said, spiritually I have been growing dramatically. I believe my struggle has helped me focus on what really matters. It has humbled me, opened my eyes to people around me and made me more compassionate, and strengthened my commitments to God, church, family, and friends. Sometimes, when I make those comparisons that make my lack of progress so very obvious or the road I'm taking seem so very very hard, nigh impossible, it is hard to maintain that optimism, but despite everything I do remain "cheerful", or rather "hopeful".