How Would You Describe Living With Ptsd?

[Geevee20]

I have had PTSD, paraonia, agoraphobia for over 10 years it's the worst experience in my life unable to work because I trust no one I think I'm constantly being watched and someone will murder me eventually. I lost my mother and 2 close friends with in 5 year span I love to be alone free from being judged and or treated less than human

 

[Geevee20]

Living in terror that it could happen again (or even something worse), while trying to forget what happened, but it crowds your mind which is totally out of your control.

 

[Geevee20]

I lost my mom and 2 close friends of mine with in a 5 year span and my PTSD has gotten worst as the past 2 years I don't work because I don't trust anyone I have found peace in being alone.

 

[Geevee20]

I would describe my PTSD as painful, terrifying, and heartbreaking! A lot of days I describe it as the Devil or hell! Good days for me are far and short, usually more like an hour here or there actually! I feel like I am fighting something that is so strong and powerful that it's trying destroy all that I was and want to be. It's this invisible monster that I can't see to fight back and regain my life! Just talking about it can cause a panic attack and tire me out to the point I have to go lay in bed. It's a nonstop struggle for me. It's suffering and I felt guilty at first because I don't have it for what most know about PTSD. I didn't serve in the military and go to war. So I used to have panic attacks if I did see someone in uniform because I didn't want them to know I had it and then feel like i didn't do something brave and faced such terror like a war and being shot at. I had a surgery and it was a big deal but nothing as big as what they faced. I finally admit I have it to my family and friends this last winter and so I am still taking it in so its hard. I fear I will never be able to relax again and panic attacks are a face of life that wont change. I want to feel alive again but that seems like a stupid dream most days. I could go on forever about what my PTSD is like but I avoid it as much as I can right now because it hurts too much. I can feel my eyes watering and my throat getting tighter and my heart ready to speed up and I can't handle these feelings when I am alone. I miss being independent and free and how much I love life and lived it with little fear before! I was so happy!

S

 

[Geevee20]

Always on guard for the next thing, which maybe, hopefully, will not happen. Because I already have too much stuff on my plate, multiple traumas.

 

[Geevee20]

My PTSD has parinoa in it also but my fear keeps me from working and I hate crowds it is quite kaotic for me in crowds

 

[Geevee20]

its like being in a prison with invisible walls emotions constantly ups and downs anger at myself anger towards people who don't understand anxieties constantly. I like to call it (the war with on)

 

[Deleted member 29961]

Hell, yes most definitely Hell, being tortured with the horrors from my past.
Pain...
suffering...
confusion...
why am I so f*cking weak?
anger, Anger, ANGER! violence, Violence, VIOLENCE! More anger, more violence, mayhem...
AAARRRGGHH!


God, why me?
why me?



What the f*ck did I do to deserve this?

 

[InvisibleSun]

"When your dreams become reality, and reality becomes a dream." I read this somewhere not too long ago and it really it home for me.. I have many more words to describe living with PTSD but if I had to chose a single phrase, this one really hits the nail on the head for me.

 

[RussH]

living with PTSD and other effects of long-term trauma means feeling like everyone else matters, but you don't. It means never knowing if people actually like you, and suspecting that they don't really, even if they do.
Living with PTSD is the fear that someone, or something is going to trigger you to the point that you fall off an emotional cliff so far that you will not recover.
living with PTSD means hating yourself and not knowing why.
Living with PTSD means watching someone laugh at themselves and envying them.
It means seeing two people talking quietly and being convinced they are talking about you.
And these are the good days.

 

[Me Myself and I]

living with PTSD for me, is like living with many other different roommates (All parts of Me) in one small room. The strong one, the weak, the young, the adult, the scared, the brave, the hopeless, the positive, the fighter, the surrender, the good, the bad, the mean, the kind. A daily constant control battle. Each one of those MEs are trying to set their own rules and wanting to control that small room (my body and mind) and run it their own way. One day I think nothing can stop me, the other everything can. One minute I believe I can do anything I set my mind to do, the other I believe nothing at all. some days I can feel all these parts as one, others I can feel myself as being a 100 girls in one head, one mind! It can be tough, difficult and hard to manage, but it was never impossible. And after a while, all of us "roommates" managed to find a compromise. A way to live and share that small room all together.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Unpredictability is the name of the game.