Trauma Anniversaries Discussion

[Jade-]

I think this anniversary thing has got to me and I've been letting it spiral out of control. Now that I realize that maybe I can pull myself back up, deal with it and move on.

 

[Jade-]

I almost let the anniversary date take me out of life completely. But by talking to my therapist(and being completely honest), reading almost all of the articles and taking your advice, I feel much better already.

You really know your shit when it comes to ptsd anthony. Thanks.

 

[Jade-]

I have another trauma anniversary coming up in 4 days, on the 22nd. I can already feel myself getting antsy and anxious. I don't want to end up suicidal like I did last month around an anniversary.

I am telling myself that it's just another day, that it's not actually "the" day. I plan on staying busy over the next 4 days and doing things that I like. I'm hoping by doing good/fun things it will change my reaction.

But, should I let myself think about it if it pops in my mind? Wouldn't that be better than trying to avoid it?

 

[Nicolette]

When it pops into your mind, perhaps thinking that "it was something which happened to me and it is in the past" is a suggestion....try removing the date association as a first step. Don't dismiss it; retrain your brain to accept it happened and it is over....by giving it an anniversary you are giving it power over you ever year after the fact. You can do it.

 

[Jade-]

It's really hard to not have the date association because it's also my sons birthday, so I automatically think of it each year.

I'm just going to try my best to think of it as just another day(well besides my sons b.day). I have to do something different though than what I normally do.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Jadebear. I get what you are saying however it is a process of trying to slowly re-train your brain not to associate the two things any more. Bit like accepting a relationship is over and you are no longer with someone but out of habit you refer to them as your husband and you remember their birthday etc etc.... the only difference is this 'date' is associated with trauma.

Let me try and explain what I am trying to say. I gave up smoking on my son's birthday many years ago. For the first few years ever year on my son's birthday I would think I haven't been smoking for 1 year, 2 years and so on. In my own mind, somewhere along this journey it wasn't important to remember when I gave up smoking as I knew I had given up. I didn't need to worry about when it was and how long it had been, the date, nothing as I knew I had given up. I know don't even think about smoking let alone it being an anniversary on my son's birthday.

An anniversary is something you choose to remember. Have you ever forgotten someone's birthday just because you had so much else on your plate or mind or hadn't had contact with them lately and thought about them? This proves we have the ability to fill our minds with our things to enable us to forget so doing something different might be a good start.

Remember, as you are getting stronger, you now get to choose how much hold the past has over you. You remember your son's birthday as it is important to him and to you. Your trauma, while happening on a certain date, is not something that needs to be remembered and acknowledged as you are allowed to set it free and lessen your suffering. It's hard work but I believe you can do it. I have had multiple traumas and if questioned as to when they happened I couldn't remember as I chose to put them behind me in the sense they are no longer part of my life. Yes they changed my life and affect today but I have not given them the power to take an entire day away from me every year. If I did that I could spend half a year in misery. See my point?

 

[Jade-]

Yes, I see your point Nicolette. Thanks for explaining in such detail.

You said "you now get to choose how much hold the past has over you". That's precisely the key to healing , isn't it?

 

[Nicolette]

"you now get to choose how much hold the past has over you".

That is the key Jadebear :)

 

[Jade-]

Not doing so well today with the whole anniversary thing. I was ok and then watched something on tv yesterday that was a huge trigger.

Now I'm having major symptoms and already know things will just go downhill from here unless I put the breaks on somehow. But how do I?

 

[Nicolette]

Perhaps realising you are triggered and how you are has nothing to do with the anniversary as by 'mentally' joining the two you may be inadvertently raising your anxiety/stress levels.

 

[Fragile]

Every single day of my life is a trauma anniversary multiple times over. Year after year, day in and day out, it was trauma, abuse and at a minimum, neglect. It didn't stop when I became an adult either. At this point, it's all I know. So anniversary to me is sort of silly, because of this, but I do have one because it specifically happened on a holiday, and rather violent on such a day.

 

[Jade-]

So anniversary to me is sort of silly

Well it doesn't feel silly to me, it feels pretty fu#king painful right now.