Anxiety And Therapy

[Leanne1]

On the days I have an appointment for meeting with my therapist, I have so much anxiety!

It is 8 am, my appointment is at 1pm, and I have having a hard time breathing, and really panicked.

I really want to work on this stuff, but the thought of sitting in that chair, talking, remembering, moments of feeling....... It makes me want to run really fast and really far, maybe to a beach somewhere, and just sleep for a really really long time.

I had the worst nightmare of my life yesterday. It kept happening even after I woke up.

My therapist always asks if I had any dreams during the week. She feels its my subconscious showing what I could work on.

Might not mention this one. It's to much.

 

[arfie]

This was a recurring phenom in my own healing journey. The meaner and nastier the dog, the stronger my instinct to leave it be. Except that it was not really a dog. It is a series of memories and responses that had grown into a singular psychic vampire that was sucking the life out of me. Turns out that slaying that "vampire" took allot less energy than was consumed in my years of running from it. So it was for me. Changing the habits remains tougher, but at least I am sleeping well enough to have the energy for changing habits.

Gentle support while you figure out what is best in your unique journey

 

[Hashi]

Does your therapist know how much anxiety you're feeling? Have you discussed it with her?

 

[Leanne1]

@Hashi I have mentioned, and I'm pretty sure she can see how much anxiety I am experiencing pretty constantly.

She recommended a doctor for some possible help with medication just while I am starting therapy. It ends up that clinic got fed up with dealing with medical coverage, and only accepts cash. It's very expensive.

I am going to need to find someone who accepts my coverage. I saw my holistic doctor and he has prescribed a very low dose ( that's all he is compfortable prescribing) of an anti anxiety medication. But it isn't helping at all.

It's xanix, and each pill is .25, and I can take a total of 4 pills in one day max.

I'm not big on taking medications, but have no judgements on people who do.

I am really not able lately to function very well, so I may have to go that route for a while. My heart has hurt so much all day today from all of this panic. Starting to feel really unwell.

 

[Hashi]

I have mentioned

Good, if this has been made clear.

I'm pretty sure she can see how much anxiety I am experiencing

This doesn't count. What you think may not be anything like what she thinks. You need to tell her. Apart from that - she doesn't know.

 

[Leanne1]

@Hashi
I will be meeting with her on Thursday. I will talk about how much anxiety I am experiencing.


Today I tried to make an appointment with a psych. Doctor to try and get some help but there is such a long wait list they aren't taking any more names until June to be on the list.

I considered going to the hospital today. Not managing so well these days.

 

[Hashi]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

I don't like taking medication either, but I do take it occasionally for anxiety and it helps me. I find beta blockers in particular (I take propranolol) calm me down enough to be able to use techniques like deep breathing exercises, walking and guided relaxation, and then I'm able to get enough benefit from the techniques to continue with those alone. But sometimes I do need the medication first.

I'm concerned that your anxiety seems so closely linked to doing trauma work in therapy. You might need to work on more safety and containment in therapy, and think about how you work together (eg the approaches you use) as well as the pace. That's why I think it's important for your therapist to be aware of the effect that it's having on you.

 

[Leanne1]

@Hashi
Yes, I do feel the therapy I am doing right now is greatly effecting the anxiety I am feeling. We are doing emdr, and right now " targeting" the worst memory I have.

Actually, it's not even the memories. Right now she is just directing me towards being able to connect to the part of myself that experienced those things.

Then she says to put all of those things away until next week. I am supposed to call her if anything comes up when I am not directly working with her. The problem is that it doesn't go away. I connect with one thing, allow myself to feel, and then get flooded with so much stuff.

I have such violent nightmares. They stay with me all day. It seems silly when she says to call her if I am having a hard time. I am always having a hard time. I'm just used to it, and have a very high tolerance for extreme discomfort, physically and mentally.

I think I am going to request not processing stuff with emdr tomorrow when we meet and just talk about what the rest of my week is like in between sessions. Thanks for the advice.