How To Stop Sickness Caused By Memory Of Oral Rape?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I don't whether this is Flashback/Anxiety or Therapy related - so if staff think it should be moved please feel free to. I had a rough therapy session today and went further into the one memory that we've been working on, than I ever have before.

At one point in this memory I was being orally raped, I couldn't shake the physical feeling of gagging and choking simultaneously. At the end of the session, I rushed to the toilets and was sick, then after I signed out and went outside, I had to run back and was sick again. I don't think I have anything else to bring up now, but I still feel this feeling in my throat and I keep burping and feel the need to throw up (gag reflex?).

I'm not entirely sure if it's some form of somatic re-experiencing/ flashback or if it's panic/anxiety causing the sickness but I can feel a very physical parting in my throat that is unnatural, uncomfortable and distressing. If anyone has encountered the same, how have you managed to alleviate it?

Thanks in advance

 

[mytai]

I've experienced it a few times at my T's office, she brought me a garbage bag to puke in if it got that far. But for me I was able to control it myself and breathe through it although I felt on the verge of puking for hours after. My T was really nice about it, she said that sometimes that happens in therapy and it isn't always related or associated to a memory but it is your bodies way of purging out the negative feelings. She told me that when she was going through her own healing process she would puke for months in therapy but then it stopped.

So yes I've encountered this, sometimes it has been because of memories but most of the time for me it comes when I have a complete overwhelm of negative emotions. I have a huge fear of puking, I don't do it often so I always end up leaning over to far and having it come out my nose as well - so I have learned a few tricks that usually get me past the point of feeling like I'm physically going to puke, to just feeling nauseous. I usually sit on the floor with my head between my knees and breathe really slow and deep, in through my nose, out through my mouth. Having something cold on the back of my neck helps suppress the need to puke. If I'm at home I will actually lie on the cold tile floor in my bathroom with as much skin touching the tile as possible while still lying on my side. I know some of these aren't possible in your T's office, but my T has ice packs handy if I need them.

 

[Echo]

@Kas_Can_Fly - I have also really struggled with this. I hate being sick with a passion, because when I start I tend to go on for 18 hours at a stretch and end up in a pathetic state. My therapist also says it is totally normal when we've been through this kind of thing, and she says she would be totally unfazed if I did so at her office. She said that we shouldn't try and stop it if it comes out that way. I did though, before she told me that, spend one whole week feeling utterly sick, refusing to actually vomit, but it took all my energy to hold it inside. I found ginger helped - a slice of fresh ginger in hot water with the juice of half a lemon, a little bit of ginger chocolate or a sip or two of ginger cordial. You are not alone in this.

 

[arfie]

I have been validated in this reaction under many names. Call it whatever works for you, but it is real and not uncommon. You are not alone. It is tough stuff.

It might sound silly, but breath mints are my solution. I am known across three continents for being a reliable source of breath mints.

 

[open eyes]

I've never thrown up from my memories but I did have somatic flashbacks. One of my traumas was a sexual assault in which I was held underwater, & multiple times I woke up in the middle of the night coughing & choking because I felt the water in my lungs again.

Since the sickness is coming from your head, really, rather than a physical toxin, there's no sure way to stop it. Sometimes it's best just to let it run its course. The more you work on the traumatic memory in therapy, the more desensitized you will get to it & some day it won't make you that sick.

 

[zeckster81]

Oh I wish I could cut this feeling away from you. I know it all to well. Try some grounding techniques. I find that distraction helps for me. I have gotten sick in Judd's office (well his bathroom which was attached to his office). It takes time but it will pass. I distract myself by playing with my pets, playing my guitar, drawing, anything. I'm allowed to bring my cat in the office though. As for my guitar I have never brought it in the office but have used it at home. Even watching TV has helped. I hope you find peace and comfort quickly.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

have a huge fear of puking, I don't do it often so I always end up leaning over to far and having it come out my nose as well

Oh dear, that sounds awful. Thank you for the advice. Luckily I'm not scared of vomiting, but it's still thoroughly unpleasant.

I found ginger helped

breath mints

For some reason I couldn't remember these things despite knowing them, so thank you! When I felt able to I had a soft mint (the only mint I can stand). I've also been heavily distracting myself all day - (@zeckster81) the TV's been on all day, I've also been doing puzzles to keep my mind on other things. As soon as I stop, it's all right there, ready to intrude. Luckily I haven't had to cook or anything and my family have been very understanding (and thankfully haven't asked any questions). I'm just worried that feeling will come back, I still feel very uncomfortable about it.

The more you work on the traumatic memory in therapy, the more desensitized you will get to it & some day it won't make you that sick.

First I'm just trying to get through the whole memory, but I look forward to a time where I won't be so distressed by it, I think. Right now, it feels impossible not to be distressed by it and that not being upset by it is so wrong it's confusing!

Thank you all for your support.

 

[Rumors]

I can be sick thinking about certain things too. It is awful and although I have never thrown up in my therapists office, I have felt like I could or I call beforehand and cancel. Nothing worse than that sweat that comes over your neck and brow only to feel the deep, hot burning in your tummy. I keep nausea meds around for those instances. If your doctor will allow, get some zofran dissolvable tablets. They are quick acting and can really help in a pinch. There are times when you can't miss work or other appointments! Sorry you are feeling like this!!!

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

The thing is, it wasn't just like sickness (caused by anxiety) - I was gagging and choking - which did in turn make me sick, but it felt like it did back then and then after it just felt like "it" was permanently in my throat and it hurt and I couldn't breathe properly. It stuck around for hours, even after I calmed down from talking about it and it keeps coming back (though going again much sooner)

 

[Echo]

@Kas_Can_Fly - it is horrible, beyond horrible, that we have to have flashbacks somatically as well. It is bad enough to have to go through the vile stuff originally without having to replay it constantly in our bodies. I hope it passes for you very soon.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Thank you @Echo

 

[arfie]

Mine is like that, also, Kas. It is like reliving the entire experience, all sensory recordings replaying full volume. I have multiple versions and perpetrators to relive. Serious yuckination!

When I first started sucking on hard candy to retrain my responses, I hurled the contents of my stomach along candy quite frequently. Eating was a problem for me in those days, so often I was hurling pure stomach acid. No fun. At the time I did not think of it as "retraining my responses." I was only trying to get rid of some genuinely vile tastes in my mouth. These days I do believe my breath mints really do retrain my muscular reactions. Being known as a reliable source of breath mints is a surprisingly fun perk, too.

Gentle hugs to you, Kas. I have no doubt that it is horrific for you. Healing hopes.