Understanding Anger

[Survivor2Thriver]

It is not about my feelings.

 

[Powder]

Survivor,

Dissociating one's anger is common from child abuse trauma. Anger can become an "all or nothing" split, which I don't assume in your post, but which resonates with me. I hear "All Anger/No Anger" splitting, and hot or cold with anger ego states, not a complete integration of the emotion yet. But then I also hear the truth about seeing a traumatic situation from a non-emotional perspective, which I agree is part of healing from trauma (called "re-framing" or "neutralizing"). Seeing a situation from that non-emotional and rational perspective of deeper understanding is one way to neutralize a trauma memory to make it less toxic. That is what you appear to be talking about.

It sounds like you are in a phase in which it seems necessary to distance yourself from your angry child and integrate a more calm, rational adult perspective, and it sounds like you are gaining much awareness of the polarization and are working through it to find a place (the View from the Mountain Top) in which you have a higher perspective. This is fine to do and a part of healing and learning the handling of a particular emotion, anger.

But it doesn't follow that others need to be in this phase. This IS "your gift" today; it's yours. Some of us know what you are talking about from going through to that part of healing.
Your phrasing seems to push this perspective toward others, which people find too forcible. I have done this, often. I wonder if it's a kind of dissociating, saying "not me/not mine" but somehow the healing I'm doing is actually "yours" : here, let me heal you.

Remember that all healing is already cooperative and it's necessary to love the self and own it as your healing process. This is ALL about you, and that's okay to acknowledge. I agree with you up to the point at which you say this is not about you. That tells me this healing is not fully conscious yet. It's happening in the background. Please let your healing be just for you, as you are fully worth it.

Maybe journal it, take it into therapy, draw or paint it. Love it, create it.

You are worth the work; it doesn't have to help others yet. Don't make it about us yet. That will come later. (Hugs)

 

[Seaotter]

If you do not feel anger. do you feel joy?

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Oh my!!

I freed my anger years ago. Sometimes during the abuse itself. That IS why I feel joy!!!!!!!

They picked the wrong little girl and they know it.

With understanding cometh peace.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

You must learn to get in touch with the innermost essence of your being. This true essence is beyond the ego. It is fearless; it is free; it is immune to criticism; it does not fear any challenge. It is beneath no one, superior to no one, and full of magic, mystery, and enchantment.”
—Deepak Chopra

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I find this post to exhibit a complete lack of understanding of the healing and/or grieving process. We don't control the emotions that we feel. We simply feel them. And at times this can be very scary. But to discount them and to look down upon a single emotion, well, I see that as a bit unproductive....err, not quite sure if that's the word I'm looking for, but I think it gets my point across.

Why the need to bash anger? Why do you have such a problem with anger? Do you fear it? Is it too scary for you? Like many of your other posts, I see a "I am too good for this" sentiment that is echoed throughout. If anger isn't for you, fine and dandy, just move on, but don't bash it and make everyone else feel less than because they actually feel this very real and natural emotion.

Edited to add...
I don't think you care to understand anger, merely dismiss it. The title of this post is a bit misleading as it is contradictory to the content of the post.

 

[Powder]

Survivor, what does your therapist or Dr. say about the special gift that you gained in childhood that allowed you to experience good emotions and not bad despite abuse being done to you? I read that you discussed it with a trusted friend and posted it here, but have you been honest with a trained therapist?

 

[ghotiff]

I struggle with anger. I am very frightened of it in other people. I haven't really felt anger yet in this healing process, but I'm thinking that it might come and I hope when it does that I can feel safe while I ride it out.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

We don't control the emotions that we feel.

Sure you do. You are controlling your emotions at this very minute. Matter a fact your emotions have determined your attitude and negative vibe in your post. LOL

We can't control PTS...that I'll give you.[DOUBLEPOST=1399689889,1399689729][/DOUBLEPOST]@Muse. I cannot answer your question because it doesn't describe how I feel.

 

[Powder]

Sorry, @Survivor2Thriver, I'm not trying to imbue your post with more meaning than is there. I am wondering if you have been open about your hypothesis regarding anger in other contexts outside personal friends and this forum and have been willing to submit these ideas to the scrutiny of someone you consider qualified to comment professionally.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Yes,we have discussed anger. I don't have anger issues. My T understands I understand the grief process. My family is batsh!t crazy. I accept that. I have always accepted that. That is half the battle. You cannot control people you can only understand them. Why anyone remains angry over something they have zero control is baffling to me. It hinders growth. Vent the anger and let it go! Last time I mentioned my T someone started a thread putting words in her mouth too. Therefore,it won't happen again. I don't want to put myself in a position to defend my T. Sorry. Our sessions are focused on dissociating with EMDR being the goal.

 

[Meadowsweet]

It is not about my feelings.

Is it about logic? Or about other peoples feelings of anger?