Justmehere
Sponsor
How does someone become sad? Happy? Scared? Joyful?
I believe anger happens like all other emotions happen.
I believe anger happens like all other emotions happen.
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Understanding Anger
- Post starter Survivor2Thriver
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- #38
Survivor2Thriver
Gold Member
True. Lets focus on anger. How does it make you feel and why?
Justmehere
Sponsor
What do you mean, how does anger make me feel and why? I don't think I understand your question or what you are asking me to describe. Do you want me to describe the physical sensation of mild anger like irritation or more anger like feeling mad? As far as what I feel about the feeling of anger, I already described that in my earlier post above.
Maybe I'm not understanding your question?
Maybe you could help me understand better by explaining how anger makes you feel and why you feel that way?
Maybe I'm not understanding your question?
Maybe you could help me understand better by explaining how anger makes you feel and why you feel that way?
- Post starter
- #40
Survivor2Thriver
Gold Member
Do you believe you need to carry your anger around the rest of your life to reach your goal for change?
Justmehere
Sponsor
I hope I never stop feeling what I feel about child slavery. That's extremely different than carrying around anger about it for the rest of my life.
How about you?
How about you?
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- #42
Survivor2Thriver
Gold Member
I have already shared how I feel. Am I correct in assuming you now enjoy your anger and want to keep it so you can continue helping your cause?
I don't understand what your thread is about. Do you want to talk about anger or not?
I know I could talk about it all day long but I don't have to, because I know I have a limit and I believe in that limit. You must have believed in that limit as well since you don't want to focus on certain things.
I was told by my therapists that I am stubborn. From your posts, I'm assuming you are too, right? Come on you know you are. Very determined to prove your point.
Anyway, to make people understand, you have to get on their level. People that abuse and sexually abuse others others don't generally get forgotten or put on the back burner as you are trying to do...and just move on with your happiness.
You obviously have tried and seems like successfully in your mind moved on, but so many others have not. WHat people want to know is how could you just move from someone sexually abusing you as a child like it was another day at the park? Does it register as a different type of activity or are you so accustomed to dealing with things that you can just move on?
I know I could talk about it all day long but I don't have to, because I know I have a limit and I believe in that limit. You must have believed in that limit as well since you don't want to focus on certain things.
I was told by my therapists that I am stubborn. From your posts, I'm assuming you are too, right? Come on you know you are. Very determined to prove your point.
Anyway, to make people understand, you have to get on their level. People that abuse and sexually abuse others others don't generally get forgotten or put on the back burner as you are trying to do...and just move on with your happiness.
You obviously have tried and seems like successfully in your mind moved on, but so many others have not. WHat people want to know is how could you just move from someone sexually abusing you as a child like it was another day at the park? Does it register as a different type of activity or are you so accustomed to dealing with things that you can just move on?
Justmehere
Sponsor
I asked the questions I did because I don't understand how you feel, and you indicated you believe understanding is important. You by no means have to answer them, and that's totally fine. It's a good use of your boundary. It also means I remain without clarification, an in absence of that, I'm not going to try to make assumptions about your beliefs to fill in what I don't know.
No.
I'm not sure what would lead you to make that assumption, but you are not correct in making it in any way.
Justmehere
Sponsor
I'm grateful that when I broke my arm a few years ago, the doctor was able to put on a cast, but I did not enjoy it. Gratefulness does not equal enjoyment in all cases.
I'm going to say something that might be controversial: pain is important. Painful emotions are important. That importance doesn't make them pleasurable or enjoyable. Just because something is uncomfortable or painful doesn't mean it is bad.
People with leprosy often have to have limbs amputated. This is not directly because of the bacteria that causes leprosy, but because Leprosy causes numbness. People with leprosy lose the ability to feel pain. This sometimes happens for people with diabetes in their feet too. If you can't feel pain in a body part, it tends to be only a mater of time before there is an unnoticed injury, one that can be as small as a paper cut, that gets unnoticed and even infected and causes significant problems to the point of requiring amputation of that limb.
Pain is painful - and important for healing.
If you step on a splinter, or get a paper cut, your body feels pain to tell you there is a problem. People with leprosy no longer get those pain signals and they get terrible infections and problems because of it.
When someone hurts me, I feel pain in a variety of ways. Anger is one such painful emotion that tells me there is a problem. Healthy anger goes away eventually after the problem goes away and the person heals from the emotional injury. It goes away when healing occurs - just like the pain of a physical injury goes away when the physical injury heals.
But that doesn't mean that feeling pain with a new paper cut, or anger with a new or ongoing problem is all folly or due to a lack of understanding.
It is healthy to feel pain with injury like a paper cut. It can be healthy to feel anger with a new or ongoing problem as well. Not being able to feel painful emotions in response to injury from the world, including anger, can lead to further problems.
I'm going to say something that might be controversial: pain is important. Painful emotions are important. That importance doesn't make them pleasurable or enjoyable. Just because something is uncomfortable or painful doesn't mean it is bad.
People with leprosy often have to have limbs amputated. This is not directly because of the bacteria that causes leprosy, but because Leprosy causes numbness. People with leprosy lose the ability to feel pain. This sometimes happens for people with diabetes in their feet too. If you can't feel pain in a body part, it tends to be only a mater of time before there is an unnoticed injury, one that can be as small as a paper cut, that gets unnoticed and even infected and causes significant problems to the point of requiring amputation of that limb.
Pain is painful - and important for healing.
If you step on a splinter, or get a paper cut, your body feels pain to tell you there is a problem. People with leprosy no longer get those pain signals and they get terrible infections and problems because of it.
When someone hurts me, I feel pain in a variety of ways. Anger is one such painful emotion that tells me there is a problem. Healthy anger goes away eventually after the problem goes away and the person heals from the emotional injury. It goes away when healing occurs - just like the pain of a physical injury goes away when the physical injury heals.
But that doesn't mean that feeling pain with a new paper cut, or anger with a new or ongoing problem is all folly or due to a lack of understanding.
It is healthy to feel pain with injury like a paper cut. It can be healthy to feel anger with a new or ongoing problem as well. Not being able to feel painful emotions in response to injury from the world, including anger, can lead to further problems.
Meadowsweet
Diamond Member
They have to allow themselves to feel.
However, your questions don't answer the questions that I've asked.
I think anger can be 'seen' by individuals in different ways. When I speak about anger I think of people who yell and scream uncontrollably or someone who is vindictive. That is due to my past background. I feel it is counterproductive for people to get out of control angry who say all sorts of horrible things with the express intention of alienating the subject of their anger. Silence is also anger to me. Something used to punish. This is what anger means to me - from other people.
When others think of anger they may relate it to someone who cracks them against a wall or smashes the crap out of them. When I read the above posts I am observing that there is a debate in the background as to what anger is.
@Justmehere is talking about a type of anger that drives us into a positive and productive place to allow her to stand up for a worthy cause. She got angry and was determined to do something positive to help a horrendous situation.
@Survivor2Thriver I used to claim I didn't get angry but I have a psychologist friend (who is not my acting T) that noted when I said that - that he thought that I may not recognize my anger but I do get 'haughty' about certain things and then my determination clicks in and I go like a pitbull. I don't yell or scream, but his contention is that I still am angry. I didn't realize that anger in me was something that I had defined as what I had seen in others as yelling and screaming etc. You may not see it as anger but I think what people are saying is if someone were to grab your computer and smash it to the ground on purpose - then what would you call the feeling you had for that. It would justifiably be anger. But would you call it something else? If so what would that word be?
I almost felt like I didn't want to use the word anger because I didn't want to 'be like them'. Well, I am not. Easier typed than to be put into practice!
The word anger was not a good fit for me so I learned to identify the word 'determination' as others may use the word angry. Angry was a trigger word for me so I had to give it my own special process to get to the fact that my determination others would have called angry although I stayed away from the word angry like the plague. Now I can recognize that I don't have to beat the sh** out of everyone in sight or vindicate myself in order to be angry. It is MY anger and I can do with it as I choose. I choose to be productive with it or to keep people who are out of control angry out of my life with this new 'recognition' skill. I speak about what disappoints me. Rarely do I say the word angry but I KNOW that is what I mean now. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else except myself :)
So if we go with the post title of 'understanding anger' I almost wonder if we should be defining what anger is to each of us. Healthy anger that moves me forward and destructive anger that alienates us from others, or even repressed anger that boils inside of us that we just can't seem to release until the volcano erupts and everyone in our lava path looks at us and goes 'huh????'.
I guess the question is can people see that there is more than one side to anger? Can anger be a useful tool to move forward towards a new future and healthier lifestyle?
When others think of anger they may relate it to someone who cracks them against a wall or smashes the crap out of them. When I read the above posts I am observing that there is a debate in the background as to what anger is.
@Justmehere is talking about a type of anger that drives us into a positive and productive place to allow her to stand up for a worthy cause. She got angry and was determined to do something positive to help a horrendous situation.
@Survivor2Thriver I used to claim I didn't get angry but I have a psychologist friend (who is not my acting T) that noted when I said that - that he thought that I may not recognize my anger but I do get 'haughty' about certain things and then my determination clicks in and I go like a pitbull. I don't yell or scream, but his contention is that I still am angry. I didn't realize that anger in me was something that I had defined as what I had seen in others as yelling and screaming etc. You may not see it as anger but I think what people are saying is if someone were to grab your computer and smash it to the ground on purpose - then what would you call the feeling you had for that. It would justifiably be anger. But would you call it something else? If so what would that word be?
I almost felt like I didn't want to use the word anger because I didn't want to 'be like them'. Well, I am not. Easier typed than to be put into practice!
The word anger was not a good fit for me so I learned to identify the word 'determination' as others may use the word angry. Angry was a trigger word for me so I had to give it my own special process to get to the fact that my determination others would have called angry although I stayed away from the word angry like the plague. Now I can recognize that I don't have to beat the sh** out of everyone in sight or vindicate myself in order to be angry. It is MY anger and I can do with it as I choose. I choose to be productive with it or to keep people who are out of control angry out of my life with this new 'recognition' skill. I speak about what disappoints me. Rarely do I say the word angry but I KNOW that is what I mean now. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else except myself :)
So if we go with the post title of 'understanding anger' I almost wonder if we should be defining what anger is to each of us. Healthy anger that moves me forward and destructive anger that alienates us from others, or even repressed anger that boils inside of us that we just can't seem to release until the volcano erupts and everyone in our lava path looks at us and goes 'huh????'.
I guess the question is can people see that there is more than one side to anger? Can anger be a useful tool to move forward towards a new future and healthier lifestyle?
Last edited:
- Post starter
- #48
Survivor2Thriver
Gold Member
What I see in this thread are the many ways people try to rationalize their anger.
Where there is anger there is always pain underneath. You have to go to the core. Justme tried comparing it in a psychical sense. OK. Think of a planters wart on your foot. You have to get the very last seed or every step you take will be painful.
Where there is anger there is always pain underneath. You have to go to the core. Justme tried comparing it in a psychical sense. OK. Think of a planters wart on your foot. You have to get the very last seed or every step you take will be painful.
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