Need The Pain In My Chest To Go Away

[Fadeaway]

It is not pain from anxiety, it is not physical, that I know. What I do know is that it is always there and never goes away. I have lived with it for years. The problem is that sometimes, especially if I am upset over something it becomes unbearable agony. It is the worst feeling in the world. I would rather break all my bones.

No one seems to know what I am talking about when I try to describe it. At least not my husband or therapists or Dr.s. It is in the center of my chest and is agonizing. It feels like death and hollowness. I can't stand the way it makes me feel. The feeling drives me to cut or or self harm. When it gets that bad, I feel like I have to self harm or I am going to die. The desire to feel glass shatter in my hands, embedding it's self in my skin is overwhelming.

My husband refuses to allow me to cut when I get like this, so I become more panicked and more afraid. I know I need to do something but I don't know what that is? I feel desperate, I need to make this pain go away and I don't know how. I need to run, yet I am paralyzed.

I just need to know how to make it go away. I don't know how much longer I can go on with this feeling. I can live with it when it is mild, but I don't want to anymore. When it gets bad though, well, I live in fear of when it gets bad. I have to find away to make it stop.

I am so frustrated, because no one seems to understand when I try to explain the pain to them. I know it isn't physical, even though people constantly suggest that it is, because I feel it in the center of my chest. I think if i could properly explain it to them they could help it to go away. It feels like a sickly hollow feeling deep within my soul (if I believed I had a soul). I just know that it is agonizing, and makes me feel sick to my stomach. (the sick to my stomach is physical, but only a result of the non physical pain)

Last night I had a dream and the pain was gone in my dream, but then I got woke up. I was so desperate to get back to that dream but when I fell back asleep it turned into a nightmare that there were evil spirits guarding that happiness and keeping that happiness from me. After feeling that short amount of time of not feeling that pain, even though it was jsut a dream I would do anything to get back there.

 

[ghotiff]

I don't know if this is helpful....but it reminds me of a pain I get in my chest that is like my heart is being squeezed and crushed and then its like a black hole where the rest of my chest is being pulled into it. For me its typically strongest when I think I have done something wrong, or I have made a mistake, or I almost made a mistake.

Not a real example, but if my child fell over a toy on the floor and hurt themselves, I can get this feeling because I 'should' have picked up the toy and made my house safer. Even though in reality, it was their toy and I told them to pick it up and they are not that hurt (they'll be fine in a few minutes). I also can get this feeling not at the time but later in the day and not know why...if I can relax enough and create openness in my mind I can sometimes link the feeling back to an event like this from earlier where I felt that I made a 'mistake'....from that knowledge I can sometimes reduced the intensity of the feeling, because logically with young children they will fall regularly and they weren't damaged, just felt hurt in the moment.

Does this resonate with you, or am I way off?

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so sorry you are struggling with this.

If you have not tried somatic experiencing or somatic body based therapies, I would suggest maybe looking into it.

I had an emotional pain with physical components that wouldn't go away and always got worse when I got upset and somatic therapies really helped (while everyone else just looked at me funny when I asked them about it.) It helped with my urges to self injure too.

I could be totally off track though. I hope you do find something that works for you.

 

[franciemarnie]

I think it is trauma energy. Maybe the original trauma, and it needs to be released.

I get chest pain. Also crushing weight. A horrible hollowness below too, but it isn't there all the time - not to the nth degree anyway. No organic cause either.

Somatic Therapy is helping.

Also the following which sounds ridiculous possibly, but I will try anything to feel better. I rub the upper chest (above breast area) in a loving way, as if I were comforting a small child in a reassuring way that everything will be all right, and I imagine the child and really feel love. When I do this the pressure and pain go away and I can sleep.

 

[Hashi]

I don't know what type of therapists you've talked to, who haven't understood it. Do you mean regular psychotherapists? I can imagine someone with only a talk/cognitive approach wouldn't be able to help much.
.
I'd suggest somatic therapy, Focussing, body psychotherapy and/or working with imagery (with a therapist who's experienced with trauma).

 

[In Exile]

The first couple of times my chest hurt, I thought I was having a heart attack. I get this pain right in the middle of my chest. I've had extensive medical checkups and my heart if fine. Mine isn't constant like yours, though.

Are there things which have helped you in the past? What makes it worse? Have you been able to identify these kind of things?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I too get these hollow almost oppressive feelings in my chest, usually when on my own and I am triggered.

I have never tried Somatic Therapies but will definatelly be researching them now.

I wish you every success @Fadeaway with your progress.

:hug:s Santa(laurie71)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I get a pain similar to that. It is near the side of my chest and I used to think it was actually my heart. I went to a doctor who thought I was just looking for attention so I stopped investigating that route. I learned about panic attacks and thought at first it was like that, but I get a different feeling when I have panic attacks. Since my accident, I have had pain in my shoulder that is not because of an actual injury. I know exactly why it hurts now and my therapist talked about trauma energy and stuck energy, but I had no idea what that meant at first or how to deal with it. I wasn't ready yet. I am only just beginning to realize what that means and connect it to being the same kind of pain as the chest pain. I have started investigating somatic therapy.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am sorry i haven't respond before now, it has taken me a few days to get myself together enough to post. I was in a very bad place for a few days.

I looked it up, and I think somatic therapy would be very helpful. I know that it not physical, and the pain I feel with panic attacks is much, much different. Trauma energy seems to make sense. When trying to explain it to my husband, I tried explaining it to him as energy once. I told him that when the body dies, the physical body no longer feels pain, but this feels like it is something that would carry on with me after I died in the form of energy that can't dissipate.

I am aware of it to very different degrees throughout the day, but it is stronger when I am upset, no matter what caused the upset. What really set it of this time was an irrational fear of a need not being met. It started an argument between my husband and I because my constant need for reassurance was getting on his nerves due to my lack of trust. It was a combination of flashbacks and guilt I suppose. The pain just became more than I could handle.

The only coping methods I have at this point is cutting and breaking glass in my hands or passing out. It took a lot to get me to pass out due to the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I ended up taking extra seeping pills on top of one and a half bottles of wine and I am not someone who drinks, like ever.

 

[Alfred.Greene]

I know what your talking about.

It's a dull black liquid blanket that rots the insides away. It's like there is a gaping hole in my chest, and i just want to reach my hand through and pull all the gunk out. It hurts a lot, but keep ahold of yourself.

Start self-talk, start journaling, start interpreting you own dreams. It's all self-communication your trying to tell yourself something. Please don't hurt yourself. Please.

PM if you need to talk.

I hope you get better.

 

[Ryn]

It feels like a sickly hollow feeling deep within my soul

It is in the center of my chest and is agonizing. It feels like death and hollowness.

When it gets that bad, I feel like I have to self harm or I am going to die.

I just want to say that I resonate so much with these feelings. I don't know if what I feel is similar or not, but I have used these same words almost exactly to try to describe the hollow pain I experience in my chest. For me sometimes it gets so bad that I want to physically pry my ribcage apart and viciously claw out whatever is in there, but it feels it is so deep within me I could never reach it. I too self-harm just to relieve the tension, and once I found myself literally trying to claw my chest open because it hurt so badly. I refer to it as the "claw-out-of-my-chest feeling."

My psychiatrist gave me a small dose of risperidone to take on an as-needed basis when I feel like this, and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. It usually just makes me very tired and sometimes that makes the adrenaline go away. I find that sometimes stimulating my body in other ways than self-harm can help - such as exercise, eating something (sometimes, funnily enough, a piece of crunchy toast can help because it seems to "scratch" my throat and chest), taking a hot shower, wrapping a soft blanket around my shoulders, hugging my dog, and so on.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Crayon]

I feel EXACTLYwhat you're describing here. It's horrible horrible horrible. No idea yet what it is or how to get rid of it. When it gets worse I need to hurt myself or it won't go away. My therapist thinks it's emotional pain.

I'm trying to find a way to get rid of it, when I do I'll report back. Maybe it will go away when therapy is complete? Don't know.