I Need Every Bit Of Help /advice I Can Get

[cherryblossom]

I'm struggling massively. Far too much has happened over the last the year, but particularly the last few weeks.

My stress cup has been overflowing for a few weeks now, and is just completely flooding my brain. My head is a mess, I am a mess. I haven't slept for more than an hour or so here and there, for I don't know how long.

All my PTSD symptoms are heightened beyond anything before- (depression, anxiety, insomnia, intrusive thoughts (think that's the worst along with dissociation), jumpy as anything, nightmares when I do sleep, etc, etc).

I feel hurt, and angry, and guilty, and . . . I don't know, just completely overwhelmed, and I don't know where to start, to make this any better. It feels like I'm going crazy, because my brain just won't stop for a moment.

My therapist can see me in about 3 weeks. But at this rate, unless I get myself together, I won't be able to see her then, because I won't have any money to pay her.

It feels like all rational thoughts have gone, to be replaced by nothing but constant hell, and self arguments.

I don't even know if this makes much sense. My diary explains what's been going on and I don't want to repeat all that here.

I need suggestions, anything that might help.

 

[digger]

Would Victim Support or Rape Crisis be able to offer you any interim support, emergency counselling, until you can see your therapist. I know your GP was wary of giving you sleeping tablets, but it might be worth going back and asking for even a couple of nights worth just to get some sleep.

 

[Caterpillar]

Can you see a medical doctor for an emergency prescription for an anxiety medication? I don't know about the UK, but in the US GPs regularly provide anxiety meds for patients going through a difficult situation. Benzos are the obvious choice, but my doctor put me on Trifluoperazine, which is a potent anxiolytic as well as a dopamine inhibitor and has the advantage of not being addictive or as heavily controlled a substance. It also, at least for me, works better than benzos. Sleeping meds would also probably be in order.

I think, when you're that overwhelmed, short-term meds are almost a requirement. You have to be able to reach a place where you can participate in therapy in order for it to help, and like you said, you need to work so you can pay for therapy.

I hope you're able to get some help quickly.

 

[digger]

You probably already know this but Link Removed

 

[Justmehere]

Lack of sleep can make everything worse - it can sent the body into quite the fight or flight survival mode state and then that can trigger more insomnia. I agree with others about seeing your doc. Also getting some physical exercise and doing anything that feels even a little safe, or helps remind your body it's safe now, might help. I have an alarm (the sound of birds chirping) that goes off on my phone 5-10 times a day to remind me to stop, take a deep breath, and take a moment to just mindfully notice how I'm feeling. This actually helps my body relax a little over time.

Hang in there, it may feel hopeless right now, but it will get better, hopefully sooner than later.

 

[cherryblossom]

Thanks. Sorry. I can't be here.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw Dear @cherryblossom - YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS (-not shouting). We're with you too. :(

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Meadowsweet]

Hang in there - you can survive this. I don't think there is any advice, just keep going.

Apologies if it's a bit cliched, but it's a saying that kept me going through a bad place a long time ago - just when you think you can't take one more step, you've gone gone half as far as what you are truly capable of.

 

[cherryblossom]

Thanks all. I went to the out of hours Doctor, and got some diazapam, and zolpidem. I've been dependent on zolpidem in the past, although to be honest, it didn't bother me. I was just grateful that I was able to sleep every night, meaning being able to think more clearly, and actually function, and work through stuff in therapy. And my GP at the time could see the benefits, so continued to prescribe them. When it came to stopping taking them, it wasn't that hard, just cut down gradually, and because my head was in a better place, and was doing stuff during the day, natural sleep returned.

My current GP won't prescribe them, but the out of hours doc gave me a week supply. I'll see how I get on, and maybe go back to my GP practice, and try to see someone different, get another opinion. I know that with some sleep, I can function so much better and process my thoughts better. After days of virtually no sleep, I just end up in an anxiety ridden, panicky mess (like yesterday :oops:). And one of the worst things when I feel so bad, is the suicidal thoughts, which in the past I have reacted on impulsively. I don't want to do that again.

The difference today, having had some rest and sleep is pretty obvious, my brain just functions better, and I feel more relaxed and able to cope. It's almost like 2 different people. I find it quite scary how lack of sleep can affect me so drastically. (Oh, and I'm sure it's not just me that happens to, or maybe . . I don't know, am I freak?!). Obviously, I still have a massive amount of work to do on myself to even begin to figure out all that has gone on, but with some sleep, it feels more possible.

I was a bit wary of the diazepam, (being potential addictive), but just a small dose yesterday, really helped to calm me down, when I desperately needed it.

 

[scout86]

or maybe . . I don't know, am I freak?!

No, it's sure not just you! from what I understand, lack of sleep can cause all kinds of things, up to and including hallucinations. Sleep is a wonderful thing. Too bad it can be so hard to come by!

 

[Caterpillar]

I'm really glad to hear you got some meds and are doing better! :)

You're definitely not the only one who gets crazy from lack of sleep. I get paranoid and even start to hallucinate when I can't get decent sleep.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hmm. thanks. The positivity didn't so long . . which is really frustrating.