Is There A Relationship Between Emotional Abuse And Homosexuality / Lesbianism?

[Ulel]

I am asking this because I struggle with this in my life. I am physically attracted to members of the same sex, and have had sexual experiences with them. I feel deep down that I am looking for acceptance.

I do not want to be this way. What are your thoughts?

 

[Fazuzu]

I don't know? If it was a question of sexual abuse, personal experience tells me the confusion of my first sexual experience being with the same sex did in fact cause me to sway that way for a bit. But as for emotional abuse, I don't know? Interesting question.

 

[Ivum]

Do you mean you're looking for acceptance from someone of the same sex because you didn't get acceptance from someone of the same sex earlier in life?

I think anything's possible in terms of how experiences affect our behaviour. I don't think they change our actual sexuality.

 

[Abico]

Yes I think I am trying to substitute the lack of acceptance I felt as a youth. And I am looking for it now. Deep down I think the feeling of not being accepted, plus the emotional abuse has pushed me in this direction.

I know I have enjoyed the intimate experiences, and that is a factor, but I don't understand why I am this way. It is the complete opposite of how I am in every other way

 

[Fucu]

I'm struggling to understand what you mean by it being the opposite to how you are in every other way? Do you mean in relation to your sexuality, who you find attractive? Or the need to seek approval?

I don't think anyone can answer this, just give their personal experiences. I am attracted to the same sex and I was abused by members of both sexes (physical, sexual, emotional). I will never be able to say if the two are linked. But I am not worrying about it, I fall for who I fall for.

Why do you 'not want to be this way'?

 

[Paduv]

I have found that I love having sex with another guy, and I am married. I fantasize about it, and do it. I love being oral with a guy.

 

[Alivat]

For me, the originator of this post, I am not really looking for a relationship, romantic, with another guy. It really is about the sex. I guess I am just wired this way.

 

[Pabu]

From school... Only in a case by case / squares & rectangles way.

Meaning that abuse MAY affect one person's sexual identity. But it also may not. It's not a causal thing, even though it may be correlational.

Meaning if you're gay/straight it MAY be a reflection of sexual abuse. But not everyone who is gay/straight is so because of sexual abuse. In fact, most people's sexual identity is in no way related to a use.

Just like rape makes some people freeze up sexually, and makes some people kick into high gear sexually. But not everyone with a super high libido or a super low lobido has been raped. In fact, most haven't been. It's just their natural baseline.

My understanding is that the "switch" usually only happens to bisexual people. People who at their natural baseline are bisexual, trauma can cause them to strongly prefer one or the other when their baseline is more ambivalent.

 

[Alivat]

My understanding is that the "switch" usually only happens to bisexual people. People who at their natural baseline are bisexual, trauma can cause them to strongly prefer one or the other when their baseline is more ambivalent

Thank you for this. I was not sexually abused, but emotionally. Who knows how it rewired me. I am bi. I enjoy the company and intimacy of women. I don't seek an emotional intimacy with men, it is just physical, and just for the record; I hate this about myself.

 

[Alivat]

I don't think anyone can answer this, just give their personal experiences. I am attracted to the same sex and I was abused by members of both sexes (physical, sexual, emotional). I will never be able to say if the two are linked. But I am not worrying about it, I fall for who I fall for.

Here is the difference between us; When you say you fall for who you fall for, it implies an emotional attachment to the person. With me I am not interested in an emotional attachment with a member of the same sex. For me it is strictly the sex. And I don't like the fact that I will have sex with someone there is no emotional attachment for, and frankly I don't like the fact that I am drawn toward sex with members of my same sex. In all other aspects I am hetersexual. I prefer the company, and the emotional bonds I have with the opposite sex. I want to do things with the opposite sex that I have no interest in with the same sex. I would never move in with a partner of the same sex, I am not interested in that, like I said for me it is just the sex, and perhaps one other thing, the risk. More on this in the next post that I am getting ready to write.

 

[Alivat]

I have a rather strange relationship with a friend of mine. My friend is a female, a member of he opposite sex. We have made a decision to be completely honest with one another and hold nothing back and keep no secrets. We have decided to do something radical to demonstrate this; when we need to talk, and share something that we cannot tell anyone else, including our spouses, we meet together, and get completely naked, and talk.

We decided on this rather radical method because being naked allows us to be both physically and emotionally vunerable to the other. We are also metaphorically saying we will not keep anything covered or hidden. We do not have a physical relationship beyond hugging, or holding one another when we are discussing something difficult. We are friends, and have chosen to not be friends with benefits because we enjoy good physical relationships with our own spouses, and we do not want the physical intimacy to affect what we have.

Having the relationship has forced me to think of the things I do and the way I feel. I realize now that part of my engaging is sex with other men is the need to engage in risky behavior. I am not sure why risky behavior is a byproduct of abuse. Are we trying to punnish ourself for what we allow to happen? I just don't know.

I also have made the decision, that while I enjoy having sex with other men, I am not gay. I have no desire to have a romantic relationship with a guy. I like women I like interacting with them, and if I hold someone's hand, other than comfort, I want it to be alady.

For me, this is good news. Because if what I do with men is only for the sex, then perhaps I can find a way to curtail the desires and stop it. Don't get me wrong; if you are gay and enjoy all of the relationship aspects of that with a member of the same sex, then great for you. For me the sex ties into the need of acceptance and the need to tak risk, and perhaps I can work through those, and come out the other end.

 

[Dopamu]

Perhaps subconsciously you are trying to recreate your abuse (even if it was not sexual) and take ownership of it? Perhaps you are continuing the cycle of abuse -or feel that you deserve to be punished and this is the way you do it? Perhaps you are bisexual or gay but are uncomfortable with the idea of such? Do you find members of the same and opposite sex attractive, do you feel that you deserve to be loved by a member of the opposite sex and do you want to be? I know these are a lot of questions (and I could add more) but maybe they will help you understand your self.