Is There A Relationship Between Emotional Abuse And Homosexuality / Lesbianism?

[Alivat]

Do you find members of the same and opposite sex attractive

The answer is yes; I am very attracted to members of the opposite sex, and I am not attracted to members of the same sex, except for sex. I don't look at other men and think I sure would like to do him, so in this respect, no I don't think I am gay. As for bisexual; I am just really beginning to delve into what is bisexualism. Is a bi sexual someone who is equally attracted to members of both sexes, or is it someone like me that is attracted to one sex, but also likes having sex without true attraction to members of the same sex.
I do think there may be an element of punnishing myself for allowing the abuse, or maybe it is an indication that I don't think I deserve to live, and the behavior is somehow self-distructive, no I am not suicidal,

I do not think I am trying to re-create the abuse of the past, and again it might just be my trying to feel accepted by members of my own sex.

 

[Wufuzo]

Bisexuals can be attracted more to one sex or the other, I am at least bi-curious and find women attractive however I don't think I could be in a long-term relationship with a women, unless it was an amazing match, I have a much higher preference to men. My sister is a lesbian however she can find men attractive to look at and find them great companions, but isn't interested sexually in them whatsoever, I think though that she would date a guy but I don't think it would last or go anywhere even if the match was great. I know this sounds very coarse and I don't mean any offense but if you are a guy, surely you must find them a little attractive to be able to get 'it' up? It sounds like you are negative towards the idea of finding men attractive and are uncomfortable about this within yourself. Without meaning to sound too patronizing, it's not wrong to like men whether just for casual sex or more, or just as friends and your choices do not reflect badly on you as a person, or a man. But if you are uncomfortable with choices you have made and continue to make, I would suggest to show yourself some forgiveness and move on, attempting not to make the same choices in the future - unless of course you change your mind.

I don't think that you have to be suicidal to be self-destructive - in fact most people who self-harm would say that they do so to feel alive/to remind them they are alive and the act of self-harming is in polar opposite to being suicidal. Of course I have to tell you what you may know, but not accept - It's not your fault that you were abused - no one should behave that way to another person. It's not a case of I allowed it. If someone robs a shop under the threat of personal injury - you don't blame the shop keeper for giving the money from the register - you blame the perpetrator of the crime. Worse still if the shop keeper got injured as well as robbed you still don't blame him. It's sad, but someone stole something from you and you were injured by it - you are not to blame. You are not less because of it. I hope that one day you can come to accept this fact and also that you learn to show yourself some compassion and forgiveness. You are only human.

It's good that you are aware that you see that you want acceptance from other men and I would suggest maybe leaving sex (especially casual sex) out of the equation with men and women - or just men if you would prefer, until you feel more settled within yourself and just try making new friends. It is kinder to yourself but also them too and is far more likely to acceptance and hopefully an emotional value that only comes with friendship. I don't know if you have ever been in a long term relationship and experienced all the benefits that can bring but maybe that is something you would prefer to aim for?

Also, I think that whether you (or anyone else) were abused, be it by women or by men, sexual or not sexual can damage you and your own self-image and make you question who you are, leave you confused by your feelings/choices and to develop hateful feelings of yourself. I think that yes, that can affect your natural sexuality on an emotional level but personally I don't believe it does on a physical level but if your sexuality has changed because of abuse you have suffered that is ok too. I also believe that your sexuality doesn't matter, you should make choices that make you happy and that feel right/good and whatever choices those are - they are the right ones.

 

[Alivat]

I appriciate all you said, and it is certainly good to get this from a female perspective. I will touch on several things. I am in a long-term relationship that is very rewarding, but she is missing certain equipment. It is the act of sex that "gets it up" not the attraction, I think it is also the risk that is involved that excites me; almost like a adrenalin junky.

I do know on some levels that I could not have stopped the abuse, I think, but if I had spoken up, and told them to stop then maybt would have, but I never spoke up. I never tried to defend myself, and that is my fault.

I do not like it that I have sex with other men, but it is almost a compulsion. I keep telling myself that I am not going to do it again, and the next thing I know I am reading the personals, or going to the local pick up spot. Anyway you slice it it is a wrong way to act, and frankly, I deserve better. I just have not been able to stop it.

I think this friendship I have developed with my female friend is actually helping me sort things out; at least I hope so.

Thank you for your response.

 

[Wufuzo]

Have you tried enjoying it - I mean seeing it as a good thing rather than a bad one - though I suppose that would remove the adrenaline from it - which could be good or bad depending on your view point, again, I'm sure that sounds very patronizing. Also have you ever tried having a longer-term relationship with a guy? It almost seems like you want to not like it so that it will be bad and then seem to be taking out on yourself after. Would your relationship stand up to either casual sex on the side, or would you and your partner be up for a three-way type scenario that could benefit both of you?

I'll stop with the patronising now I swear! ;)

I never tried defending myself either except for two occasions (for years of abuse) and it didn't end well at all - I learned the hard way there was no point and was punished for doing so for times far beyond when I resisted. In a way at least I know but I still feel there must have been something I could have done to escape.

 

[Besit]

I wrote earlier about this strange relationship I have with a female friend. We have discussed this, and planned it but could never get the sechedules to work until today. We are both married and both love our spouses and intend to be married to them for life. But we also recognize that we have areas of our life that we cannot talk with to our spouses, nor can I talk to these areas to my T. So we have decided to talk to one another, be one hundred percent honest with one another and not keep anything uncovered. This is one reason we have decided to have these discussions in the nude. Today we finally made it happen

She invited me over, and after a very brief hug and hello we went out own her back deck ( it is secluded and no one could see us) we disrobed and sat on her blanket. It was the most wonderful two and one half hours I have ever spewith someone other than my wife, and by the way we have made the agreement that we would not have intimate physical relations. We talked, we shared we told each other secrets we have never told anyone else, and we have committed to helping one another no matter what.

I know some of you might not agree with two married people getting naked together and talking, but we both so badly needed someone to be completely honest with and be willing to be vunerable, and we both agreed today was wonderful and very helpful to each of us.