Good question, and I dont know the answer. I have a 26 yr old daughter that has physically abused me 3 times when she gets very angry, but has been verbally and psychologicaly abusive for over 10 yrs. I hit my limit about a year ago. Instead of trying reasonable talk when be screamed at or controlled or being told what a piece of shit I am and all my shortcomings, I began striking back. I feel triggered and short tempered myself, and have gone for her juggler. Things have come out of my mouth that I cant believe-like I am another person. While I am ashamed of my reaction, and my reaction becomes out of control (verbally, never physically, but I have a tongue like a snake and I cant let it go for hours or days. Its like I am in another world.
In this past year, I have also gone off on a couple other people where I am completely out of control verbally. I am so broke (mentally, psychologically, emotionally, physically, and financially) that I snap-seems like a defense mechanism for self preservation. I cannot be called one more name, ruthlessly criticized, told what to do, how to think, what is wrong with me, lied about and lied to-and the devil comes out. The longer I let the abuse go on, the longer I abuse back after they have backed off. I experience an extreme fear of sorts during these times as well, the fear is dependent on the situation. I question if it is a psychotic episode because the reality is almost lost in the defensiveness. Very unlike the person I was prior to ptsd who would just walk away. I am hyperfocused on criticizing the other person even in a lengthy text. Then I snap out of it and the reality of their abuse returns and I realize that no matter how much I insult them, it just doesnt matter and wont change anything.