Does Anyone Struggle With Releasing Your Emotions?

[Running to music]

Looking back I have realized that most of my life I have kept my emotions locked up inside of me.

Several times in therapy my T has asked me "when are you going to allow yourself to feel?"

Even when I wanted to cry, something inside of me fought the sadness off and would not let me express it.

Many times I just choke up & remain silent when I feel pain.

Has anyone pushed through this type of behavior & seen any change?

 

[mrsps]

Yes I keep emotions locked up ..... been doing it so long I don't know how to change

 

[Seasounds]

The feeling of pain locked up inside, is a kind of isolated misery. It is no fun to be alone in pain (or anger).

Yes, this is something I've struggled with, and yes, it is something I've made progress with. You can, too.

Many small steps helped, over a period of a few years.
I kept reminding myself that it was now safe to cry, and I kept giving myself permission to cry. Because i was lot allowed to cry as a child, it was a challenging akill to learn. so much so, that I did an exercise, regularly, where i would look myself in the mirror, and tell myself, "It is ok to cry now. i will love you, if you cry.

In that same way, surrounding myself with friends and a therapist, who supported expressing pain, was useful. Relaxation exercises helped, as they reduce the 'tension barrier' that interferes with expressing pain. I also had to learn to not close off, or turn away from, my feelings.

Sad moments, in movies, have their advantages ! ;)
I'm still working at this, myself.
Good luck.

 

[soulsearcher]

You are not alone with this struggle. I too suffer from this demon. Keep working at it and don't give up!!

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't think it is a choice when you have PTSD. Not in the beginning. The primitive brain removed us from feeling to survive. Our body/brain changed. We became numb. We dissociated.

But as I grew older and feeling tried to break thru, sadness and grief and anger, I also consciously blocked it.

When I felt safe, when my body/brain registered safety, feelings came back. Or when I was triggered they flooded back.

It feels like a dubious gift at times now - to feel - because it hurts so much. But I can only feel joy when I also have the ability to feel pain.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have difficulty naming my emotions because I have denied them for so long. They manifest physically in me. This hurts, that hurts. It always ends up one huge anxiety reaction or paralyzingly depression.

My therapist calls this pendulating. But instead of the pendulum swing in a small arc, mine are swinging to the extreme.

He gave me a list of emotions and I look at it every day. I just have difficulty matching a word to what I'm feeling.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I used to think that I cried easily. I would cry at a sad part in a book or movie. I would cry for little things. But I will not cry for myself when I am sad or angry or alone or hurt. I could not let myself do it though very slowly that is changing. My therapist keeps reminding me that it is safe to cry. I have had a couple of times when I have cried uncontrollably, but that is not helpful either because I can't stop myself. I am searching for the balance and working, slowly, at processing the traumas in order to work towards this. I struggle like @KwanYingirl , too, in sometimes identifying my feelings.

 

[shell]

When I first started therapy I would numb, laugh about my trauma, talk about it like it was nothing. These days I cry at the words in a song, when I am journalling, occassionally in therapy, but I can feel in therapy, and give myself permission to just sit with the emotions.

I did dialoging with the non-dominate hand journaling to stimulate the emotional side of my brain which was shut down, and after several months all these emotions were pouring out of me. It took years before I could stop dissociating in therapy, and stop numbing and fearing my therapist, because of all the things I told myself.

It takes trust, with yourself and your therapist, giving yourself permission to accept your emotions and to stop fearing. Fear, is False Emotions Appearing Real, all those things you tell yourself are they really true? It cost me a huge amount of wasted sessions, lost time and money I can never get back. I told myself if I would feel what I was feeling I would shatter into a million pieces, so I shut it down, if I cried I would look stupid in front of my therapist (like they have never seen someone cry), the emotions come and go, they don't last forever. I did not drown, I did not die, I had survived and I will survive each time I give myself permission to feel. Talking without experiencing it with emotions, held me back.

I had to give myself permission in private, I know this sounds stupid but it worked for me. I practised at home, I printed my therapist photo and would talk to it like he was really there, and the tears would flow and I got used to the idea of looking at him while experiencing all the emotions. After a while I could really just stop fearing what I was feeling, and being afraid of being judged, when I was in the room with the therapist. Acceptance of emotions, of yourself, of your therapist is the key. Not easy but it is possible, you just have to give yourself permission to feel what you feel, start small.

Listen to the things you tell yourself, are they true, are they really true?

 

[greenleaf]

Although I can't know this for sure, it's possible that your T doesn't understand what is causing this for you. The T's phrasing sounds to me like it might make you think you can consciously push through and make emotions come up. So, I hope you don't feel guilty, or like you are doing something wrong.

People here have listed a few reasons why the conscious pushing through thing might not be what can happen... some people were never taught what certain emotions were as kids, so they have to learn to identify the sensations, context, and all the basics. Others of us learned that some emotions were not safe to feel for various reasons as kids. Someone might have punished us for them, or just getting no support at all could feel so frightening that we strongly learned not to feel them.

I think that the dissociative "parts" language can be useful, too... maybe a younger part feels certain things, but it's not well integrated. Maybe the lack of safety plays in there too; I think I have some of this going on. It's like the emotions are there, but under the surface. We can have two levels of awareness at once, but sometimes the strong emotions are not what is interacting (with the T or whatever.)

I hope your T understands trauma well and can explore this with you!

It's very worthwhile for me to get areas of emotion back (though painful for a while) and free up that energy, it doesn't have to be all at once thank goodness.

 

[Chava]

It's hard to express emotions on my own and harder to express any around others. I feel pretty threatened by expressing sadness, fear, or anger around others. My body automatically shuts down lots of feelings. In a bit of a maladaptive way that's helpful because I don't get extremely overwhelmed all the time. Negative side is sometimes, instead of having feelings I feel like I do not exist (like an intense version of numbing out mixed with old body feelings of really deep invalidation). I never learned how to express my feelings safely so I believe it takes time and patience. And doing stuff that keeps me mostly on a plane where I feel like I exist, or where I have my own genuine good feelings to balance things out...whether going for a walk, artwork, or easy but interesting conversation.

 

[The Albatross]

Yup, I still struggle some... particular with the sad or bad ones. In my abusive home as a child and teen and then later in my first marriage to show pain or cry was weakness and lead to more abuse. I tend still to be a bit detached from my "weak" feelings or emotions and am an "ice queen" (so sayeth my current spouse). I was taught through abuse and traumas that weakness leads or led for me to more serious abuse. I have not found enough cause to break the "ice" in my present life, however it does not prevent me from experiencing peace, calm, some happiness or moments of pure/sheer joy.

Doubled back in "edit" to say, frankly I don't see what good it does (on a rational level) though recognize that that impedes my difficulty with vulnerability so far as my intimacy/sexual dysfunction issues.

I have two PTSD by phone friends that are "whole" in this area and allow crying and such. I am though like the old Kansas song, "I have used all the tears in my eyes." (Two Cents Worth)

 

[Running to music]

Relaxation exercises helped, as they reduce the 'tension barrier' that interferes with expressing pain.

I definitely have a "tension barrier". Maybe deep breathing will help me relax more.[DOUBLEPOST=1404923266,1404923012][/DOUBLEPOST]

He gave me a list of emotions and I look at it every day. I just have difficulty matching a word to what I'm feeling.

I too have problems naming or matching emotions to what I am feeling.

Such a strange thing to be trying to learn, especially when more than 1 feeling is flooding me at the same time.

thanks for sharing.[DOUBLEPOST=1404923452][/DOUBLEPOST]

But I will not cry for myself when I am sad or angry or alone or hurt. I could not let myself do it though very slowly that is changing.

That is exactly what happens with me. I'm glad that you are seeing some change. That gives me hope.