Two Sessions Of Emdr So Far...

[FindingMyself88]

Ok so I started EMDR this week with my therapist. I have to say I am thankful for my therapist. Someone canceled their session after mine on Tuesday, so she kept me over 30 minutes then today I was her last client for the day and she kept me almost an hour over! She has been so encouraging through this and I don't think I could do it with anyone else.

Tuesday was VERY intense but overall I could feel it helping even on the first day. My T knows my body language very well and knew exactly when I started to dissociate and helped me ground myself. She also reminded me through the sets that it was just memories and she was right there with me, I was safe. I did open up and cry a bit (huge deal!!!) and my T said I did amazing. At the end of the session I felt EXTREMELY calm and relaxed, but not dissociated! I could feel myself in my body again, and that energized me. While memories did come up and I did have one panic attack, it was no worse than normal days for me really. I didn't have but one nightmare which was better!

Today's EMDR session was a lot different. I had a hard time putting my thoughts together and was having LOTS of "physical" memories as my T said. I did dissociate a lot more, but we worked through it. I finally came to an acceptance of the rape and could somewhat put blame on the creep instead of blaming myself for not locking the door. She gave me a coping skill to help process anything that comes up.

Overall she said I am doing a great job and that she is proud of me. I have had a headache since leaving today, but I think thats from the difficulty of this last session and the intensity of the physical memories. Tuesday we will start working on instilling the positive thought I want to think about myself. Overall I think EMDR is going to help me, it is just going to take a while because this was just one trauma. It led to some of the other complex traumas, but there is a LOT and she said it would take time.

Just needed to post and share to get things out of my head...

 

[Running to music]

Ok so I started EMDR this week with my therapist. Overall I think EMDR is going to help me

Thanks for your post.

It made me smile. I too just had 2 EMDR sessions in the last 2 weeks.

I experienced dissociation & some progress.

I'd like to think even though the work is hard-- that things will begin to get better.

Take care

 

[desiderata310]

So glad to hear it went well! It sounds like EMDR is really working well for you. My last session was a little frustrating because I dissociated but I think we are making progress too.

 

[Mystery]

Thanks for sharing that, it seems that EMDR is a really valid treatment that works for people. I might give it a go myself. How long did it take you to build the rapport with your therapist in order to be able to start doing the actual therapy?

 

[desiderata310]

Mystery, for me it took about 7 months but I think that all depends on you and your therapist.

 

[Mystery]

Mystery, for me it took about 7 months but I think that all depends on you and your therapist.

Thankyou, that's what I was thinking, it would have to have some trust groundwork first, then just riding the waves of intensity as you are able to cope with them. The whole one hour thing does my head in, I feel like I need to go to a residential retreat where I can safely regress for the right amount of time after. How do people manage during this sort of therapy and go back to life all ok?

 

[FindingMyself88]

There was one weird thing that has happened at both sessions that me nor my T can figure out why it happens. I am using the hand tappers instead of following with the eyes. She tries to adjust the speed to help me process stuff and she can only get it to a certain speed. It started out that any time she changed the speed I dissociated. Now, she can only get it to number 7 before I dissociate. We don't know if it's because of my head injury or something else..

I'd like to think even though the work is hard-- that things will begin to get better.

My T says this is the case! She said I have such complex traumas that intermingle that it will take a while and sometimes it will get worse before it gets better. We are doing twice a week sessions just so she can keep a close watch on me…. I don't think I could do the EMDR and only see my T once a week. I am really relying on her right now..

Thank you @desiderata310 I hope you continue to have success with yours! Does your T have any tools to help when you dissociate? Mine is very good at noticing and she has rocks, pillows, and scented oils to help me come back. We also have a breathing method that helps me. I hope your T has some tools in place to help you…

@Mystery If you want to eventually try EMDR, I would definitely find a T that is experienced in it! I have been seeing my T for 4 months. We started out with the plan to eventually do EMDR. Every session she would give me some kind of grounding tool, whether it was a breathing or meditative exercise, or something else. We were not going to start this soon, but I opened up to her about being raped back in November and she wanted to go ahead and process that trauma so that it would not cause my PTSD to worsen anymore than it already was. I feel VERY safe with my T because she reads my body language SO well. It is very important to build trust with your T!

Also as far as the one hour thing, my T has it set up where at least one of the sessions a week I am her last client so if we need to go over we can. It lucked up this week that someone canceled after me on Tuesday so both days we went over! My T also has drilled safety skills and coping into me. I am also allowed to call her at work if needed and I see her twice a week. Maybe you could see a T that would agree to twice a week as well. In fact, mine refused to start emdr until she could see me twice a week due to my head injury and complexity of traumas.

Today I am still feeling the physical memories VERY strongly, to the point I was sick this morning… Hoping this goes away...

 

[desiderata310]

Right now he is trying to keep the time the tappers running time super short. I dissociate really quickly otherwise. He also keeps a check on how far away I am. He asks every couple of sets where I am. I go silent when I get too far away- I may or may not know he's there and I find it really hard to talk if I am too far away or impossible if I am in a full flashback. He's given me homework on grounding- something I have struggled with. We've also made sure that I have a low dose of meds on board to help with anxiety and seems to assist in helping me stay grounded.

I can't use the light bar. It makes me dizzy and sick to my stomach.

Last time I think he said we did three sets before I went into flashback. He said I pulled myself out of it but I was very dissociated; the rest of the session is a blank for me. I don't really remember what happened. We are also working on a really difficult memory that has so many things connected to it. It's difficult to explain. It's also the major road block to EVERYTHING else we are working on at the moment.

I'm kinda mad at my brain for fighting it so hard. The positive message he wants me to get to is "it wasn't right". This morning in preparation he asked me where I was on that message on a scale of 1-7; 7 being totally true. I am at about at 2. I just know that what happened in that event was something I deserved but it was mean. It's hard to explain.

@Mystery yes, my therapist and I learned the hard way that the more severe your trauma is the more time has to be spent building up trust in order to effectively do EMDR therapy. I see my therapist 2x a week- usually 3x (four if things are really bad)on an emdr weekend. (Tuesday is talk only, Friday is EMDR, Saturday is a follow up to make sure I am ok and Sunday is there just in case.)

The last couple of times going back to real life has been hard but bearable. I usually do ok to get home and relax and that's about all I do for the rest of the day. He prescribes miles (running or riding) and checks in on me that evening and the next morning. It's usually at night that I have problems. Nightmares after seem to be more vivid over the following several days and can make day time difficult. I journal because it helps me and on occasion he has asked to see my journaling because I tend to be much more clear about what is going on there than in the office. It helps him keep tabs on where my head is at.

All that said I have had really bad sessions that ended with me unable to drive, dissociated, etc. I had a TALK session that ended with me going home and cutting. It's become a matter of making sure that I keep him in the loop on where I am. He adjusts from there and usually can talk me through all of this. He is trying to help me get better at helping myself in those instances.

My therapist is trained in trauma therapy. That said, he also admitted Tuesday that I am the worst case he's ever tried to deal with. He's having to rethink everything he knows about trauma therapy. Doesn't really make me feel great.

Like @FindingMyself88 's therapist, mine has learned to read me very well and can tell when things are going sideways. I think that prep time is important for your therapist as well to make sure that they know who you are and what your triggers are as well.

Sorry this is all over the place. I'm a little anxious about the fact that I have EMDR today.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Ok so it's been 3 days since my last EMDR on Thursday. I had A LOT of physical memories on Thursday, and they have lasted over the past few days. I thought I was getting sick, but its just the same feelings I got during the emdr and I've not wanted to really do anything… is this normal?

 

[Running to music]

I thought I was getting sick, but its just the same feelings I got during the emdr and I've not wanted to really do anything… is this normal?

I have had the same type of thing happen to me for about 3-4 days following an EMDR session.

I haven't talked about it with someone else before. You are not the only one this has happened to.

I wonder what your T would have to say about it.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Running to music Thank you for sharing with me. I will be talking to her about it Tuesday. I imagine she will say she expected it. I have always been very tense and having huge muscle issues, she thinks its due to repressing all the memories and emotions. It makes sense I guess…I just wish I could shut it off when I'm not in therapy…it's GOT to get better before school starts next month...

 

[desiderata310]

EMDR has a habit of bringing out the unexpected. I've had some strange things come up that want to 'come out'

Also: healing can't be rushed. It will be ok though