I Will Never Forgive Them If They Ruin All The Job I Have Been Doing So Far

[Me Myself and I]

I have finally learned to manage my PTSD better and live with it as now a part of me, and I believe I am doing quite a good job so far. But lately the situation in Libya - particularly in Tripoli (where I am) - is getting out of hand.

Fightings between different militias all day long, deaths and demolitions everywhere! Those who managed to survive fire and weapons died from heart attacks and/or high pressure. It is becoming unbearable.
You might think why wont she leave? well!! I would if I could, but just few days ago they destroyed completely our international airport, and on the 28th of august a no fly zone will be applied. so we are basically trapped in what is a (war zone).
We have electricity problems, the shops and families are slowly slowly running low on alimentation and have no water. more than 3000 families - in Tripoli only - had to abandon their houses because of the damages and danger etc.

And despite of all this, I work daily on keeping my mind and all the different parts of me under control, I meditate, I practice everything I have learned through out my sessions back in the UK and I try to always calm myself - like a mom does with her little baby - I have been working so hard and still am. But what is happening is not helping me at all, and is not making things easier for me.

My therapist once said that ( My box - mind - was so filled that it had to let everything out in whatever way possible - in my case, dissociation, convulsions and so on). After a year of hard hard work I have managed to empty that box and found some balance.

But now that box is filling up again, I can feel it getting heavier and heavier everyday, and this time I am not really sure I can go through everything all over again.

If that happens, if all my work will be lost, if the box fills up again!! I will never ever forgive them for ruining all the job I have been doing so far.

 

[Mystery]

Hi Me Myself and I, I cannot imagine how that must feel and there is not much I can say to you except keep posting and know that there are people who are listening and care. :hug:

 

[Me Myself and I]

know that there are people who are listening and care. :hug:

Thank you so much Mystery, it really means a lot. :hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

I did not know your country is warring. How horrible it must be for all the innocent citizens. Too many wars OMG. I'm sure it must feel like your box is filling up again. I wish I could advise you but I feel helpless. I am sending you wellness wishes and I hope you keep posting. Will the UN send in soldiers to fix the airport?

 

[KwanYingirl]

If you can get on a plane to Boston, I will shelter you.
Namaste

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey Me, Myself and I.

I can imagine that your situation would lead you to despair about the progress you've made and are afraid of losing it. I can't speak from experience, only as a student that has been taking a close look at conflict zones, and I know they will affect anyone's mental attitude, and be very damaging to any confidence you had.

But when there's so little to believe in just outside of you, there's only one thing left to believe in, one thing you can actually manage, and have some control over. That's you. You showed to yourself that you are able to do it; you have the strength to do it. Whatever thoughts you are having, the fear -is completely natural, but please don't let it distort the fact that you managed PTSD well up to this point.

I don't think the situation around you can "erase" your progress. It will work up some emotions, of fear, maybe anger, frustration, but that doesn't annul what you have accomplished so far. I would like to encourage you to keep meditating, try to observe the emotions, try to trust in yourself (you deserve that much!).

 

[Me Myself and I]

I will shelter you.

This is very kind of you. Thanks a lot.[DOUBLEPOST=1406291817,1406291609][/DOUBLEPOST]

I don't think the situation around you can "erase" your progress. It will work up some emotions, of fear, maybe anger, frustration, but that doesn't annul what you have accomplished so far.

Thank you so much for you reply, reading that gave me some sense of relief.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My heart sure goes out to you and the many other people who are getting PTSD from this war. I cannot imagine what you are going through but mabe a move far away might be something to consider if you can.

My prayers are with you and all of the affected people. Hugs. Keep on posting and expressing what you are going through so you can get all of the support and validation that you can get.

 

[Me Myself and I]

but mabe a move far away might be something to consider if you can.

We have considered leaving, but they applied the no fly zone, so it's now impossible! Some people Thought to drive to tunisia and from there fly to whichever country, but the road is not really safe.

Thanks a lot for caring. :)

 

[cherryblossom]

I agree with @Radise , all the hard work you have put into dealing with PTSD is not wasted. In fact, it's possibly invaluable. Perhaps you would not be coping as well as you are, if you hadn't done that groundwork. You are dealing with an awful situation the best that you can. You are utilising all the coping skills you have previously learnt. Many of us 'forget' those coping skills, in the face of adversity because we become too overwhelmed to cope. You are amazing. And all the work that you have done so far is paying off, and keeping you able to cope. You should be very proud of yourself.

Your situation is beyond anything I can imagine, so I can't even begin to offer advice beyond asking you to stay strong and remember everything you have learnt to control your mind and everything else. Keep up with those practices and the meditation. Do whatever you need to to survive, and keep in touch if possible. Never give up.

I want to send you strength and hugs in abundance. Please take care.

 

[Friday]

I just wanted to say MMi, I've been debating answering since yesterday....

Yeah. I've been there, and done that.
And the fury made it worse.
Because I did have to go right back to where I was.
And it was really, really, really ugly.
But the good news is that when I was "done" it was like stepping into a cold shower.
Everything washed away.
The first time.
The second time, I'll let you know. Because it's 2 years and counting.
The first time was fast & ugly.
This time I've been fighting it.
And, no. I don't forgive either situation.