Trying To Understand Something About My Inner Child

[RussH]

Here is a question for all of you who have this inner child locked up inside of you that has been hurt, and is hiding from the world.

I have, since I became broken, have always sensed this inner child inside of me, hiding and wanting the hurt, the bad to go away.

However, when I finally broke under the abuse I was 14 years old, but in my mind that little boy that is hiding inside of me is closer to 6-8 years old, I don't understand the age dispairity.

How old do you see your inner child as being? Is he / she the age you were abused? Or a different age?

Thanks.

Moderators, if this thread is better suited in another forum, please feel free to move it.

 

[Lucycat]

My inner child changes her age. She is always younger than me, and she is very difficult to cope with. She only makes herself known in times of extreme stress and then the sh*t hits the proverbial fan. I understand that at times like this she needs nurturing and empathy, but I usually feel that I simply want rid as she disrupts me.

I don't feel like she is a constant. But I was abused from age 7 - 14years with emotional neglect before and after that so I guess she is entitled to be any age she chooses!

 

[Springer80]

However, when I finally broke under the abuse I was 14 years old, but in my mind that little boy that is hiding inside of me is closer to 6-8 years old, I don't understand the age dispairity.

Could you explain this a little more?

I do have an my own experience of this. My sexual abuse started when I was 12. But as I dealt with more things, I found that I felt around 5. I think this is the age that I my emotional voice and needs started to feel blocked. The age I was aware of it. The age I was aware of the hurt and frustration it caused me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My inner child is about eight years old. Probably the reason I used to tell people all of the time that I was emotionally retarded so they would be able to understand me, NOT.

I do not do that anymore with people.

When I first started therapy, my inner child was dead. But now she is alive and thriving. Meeting my needs and wants really has made her happy and I think this where my joyful feelings are coming from. Good thread thank you.

 

[RussH]

@Springer80 I was not sexually abused that I remember. I was emotionally abused. It began when I was in first grade, and continued until the eighth grade when it greatly esculated. One day my physche had enough, and something in me snapped. I became extremely emotional became very trembly, and something inside of me broke emotionally. It feels like a part of me died that day.

As time has progressed and I started having flashbacks, although I did not know that what was happening, I have always sensed this little boy hiding inside of me. I always visualisze him balled up in the corner of a dark room sucking his thumb; something I did not do past age 3. He appears to be very young. I said in the opening post 6-8 but might be younger.

This is about the best I can discribe it.

 

[RussH]

I don't feel like she is a constant. But I was abused from age 7 - 14years with emotional neglect before and after that so I guess she is entitled to be any age she chooses!

My inner child doesn't manifest in anyway. I just sense he is there; it's almost like he is waiting for someone, anyone to come and find him and let him know it is safe to come out.

 

[seedling]

I seem to have more than one inner child. They are different ages. The most hidden and vulnerable is around 3, maybe 4. She is protected by another inner child that is older. As I've challenged the tension and memories around the older one the younger has emerged.

I'm mostly afraid of letting the youngest one "out" too much as that's when I feel like I'm going to lose it and become an emotional mess in front of other people over some little thing.

I also have a more grown up part of me that takes care of efficient practical functioning in the "outside world." I've been trying to appreciate her and see what she needs (it seems like what she needs are the other parts of me so she can be complete) so that she doesn't get burnt out and resentful. She's the one I'm most recently aware of.

It seems like what I did as a child was gradually wall off the parts/attributes of myself that weren't "acceptable" (based on traumatic events that contain dissociative aspects) and become more focused on being only what I thought would help me get by. Perhaps each stage of the process has it's own inner child, functioning in her own capacity.

I have found happiness through resolving issues that have brought these parts of me to light, I feel like I am discovering myself again.

 

[Springer80]

I always visualisze him balled up in the corner of a dark room sucking his thumb

Sounds familiar! I made a sculpture of mine. If you search on 'Meet' in thread titles and my username, you'll find it. Mine represents a mute witness.

 

[seedling]

he is waiting for someone, anyone to come and find him

Maybe he was waiting for you to find him. This step of awareness of him is wonderful.

 

[Springer80]

One day my physche had enough, and something in me snapped

Yep I know this feeling. One day my father had me tied up and gave me the option of stabbing him or being raped. I just started screaming and at some point that screaming wasn't coming from me anymore, it was coming directly out of my brain. It was a very specific point.

 

[seedling]

I have a vision of my youngest one being happy holding my older brother's hand and looking up at him and we are laughing together, outside in the summer. I also get the feeling of foreboding along with: "that was before.......". Something happened after that to block that out and make it a bad thing.

 

[littlelostchild]

My main inner child is about 10. Although the sexual abuse from my dad began when I was 6, my grandfather sexually assaulted me for a period of time when I was 10, so I think that is why she is that age. As I went through school, my bullying started when I was 12 and became so bad that when I was 17 I was suicidal and arranged to transfer schools for my final year. It was the best year of my school life. I had been neglected my entire life and emotionally and physically abused by my mother. The abuse from dad stopped when I was about 16 and I stood up to him and told him to stop in front of my mother.

I guess this is the long version of saying I believe I have 3 inner children - the dominant one is 10 and the other two are 6 and 16. I actually have visualization visits with my 10 year old (who is two girls, one who is sad and one who is angry). This is helping me to feel my emotions and be more compassionate toward myself.

 

[seedling]

Sorry @Springer80:(