Recently Become Emotionally Numb

[MsIDon'tEven]

I apologize, because I am honestly not sure if I have PTSD or not - fairly certain I do not. However I have been following several threads on this blog for the past week, and the people here seem to be the most supportive/knowledgeable of what I am currently going through.

This might be long.

Just last week (beginning on Monday), I have felt emotionally numb, with small bursts of severe anxiety and crying. I have not been in a depression, and nothing particularly traumatizing happened. In fact, I was very, very happy, since the person I was seeing asked if we could be exclusive, and the entire day / evening I was feeling the very pleasant emotion of falling in love.
After having parted from said person for the day, my emotions shut down. This occasionally happens for a few hours when I take a major step in something, so I wasn't phased. However it carried on into Tuesday, as well as Wednesday. I was terrified that I had lost feelings for the person that I was with, but when I thought about breaking up with them, it felt like my stomach was being constricted. It was then that I realized that my lack of emotion was toward everything, not just them.
That night, I was hit with a feeling as if there was a gaping hole in my chest, and had to play sitcoms while I tried to sleep.

On Thursday I went to go see said person, and they were very supportive and made me feel safe and respected. I ended up smoking a joint with them and, miraculously, all of my emotions came back. They stayed for the remainder of the night / well into the following day, and I thought that I was in the clear. Unfortunately, in the evening on Friday, my emotional numbness returned, and has yet to leave.

So, all in all, I feel flat. Sometimes it's calm and peaceful, but most of the time it's scary. I can logically understand what emotions I should be feeling in given situations, but do not actually feel them (or if I do, they are very, very mild). The only time that I have felt strong emotions since Friday is when I have little bursts of anxiety (usually one every day), or when I get so terrified of how I am feeling that I start to cry.

I have lost all motivation (which is very rare for me), and care very little about everything.



So far, what I have read online is scaring me to death. Most people seem to suffer from this from months to years. So my question is - is there anyone who has only suffered for a few days/weeks? How likely is it that this might go away soon?
I am being open about it with my friends/family, and going to see my counsellor on Friday. Any other suggestions?

Thank you in advance for your help


** In regards to my history with mental health issues, I have suffered from eating disorders (Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge eating), mild generalized anxiety (mostly situational), and am recovered from mild depression

 

[RussH]

Welcome to the forum.
I am glad you are seeing your counsellor on Friday; they will most likely be able to answer your questions concerning these recent episodes.
You said nothing traumatizing has happened; what about in the past?
Yes the idea of having PTSD is frightening, but if you do have it, and it is diagnosed, then you at least have a starting place for your healing.

 

[shandemonium]

I can relate to the numbness; it's been a big problem for me for many years.

Some of my thoughts on a so-called PTSD diagnosis: the first time a therapist told me this I was very offended. I was in my early 20s and didn't want think that I "had something" ya know?

In my most humble opinion, everyone on this planet has at least a small dose of PTSD. Us folks here on this website had large doses of trauma and abuse that makes everything amplified in terms of how we deal, how we cannot cram down our sadness and become drones like everyone else. All the "normies" do is toddle along and ignore their suffering because it is mild enough to stuff down. Our suffering is anything but mild, so they call us "PTSD"

I only tell you this because I don't want you to think it's some kind of sentence. The prison is already inside us, giving it a name is just that. A name.

Your numbness does not mean one thing or another in terms of a "name" but rather it's how you have learned to deal. I am the same way. I am in a 3 year relationship and can only recall a few times I have felt anything in my chest that was you know, gushy or whatever. I think it's because I have so much anger and sadness inside that feeling anything is like opening the flood gates, and I'm afraid to. But that's exactly what we've got to do. Open those flood gates and let all the nasty shit out. You find your good emotions in there too and they never really left! They were just hiding behind that giant wall that holds everything back.

The benefit of this "name" (ptsd) is that I can find others who have similar lives and pain (ie this site). I can seek help and sum up my very long description of inner torture with four little letters. I have learned to accept this, but I don't see myself and someone who will always have " this ". We can heal. Your numbness is normal and it's not permanent.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

From what you describe, you do not have one single criteria to meet a PTSD diagnosis. Sorry if I am a bit blunt here, but I think its a bit sad for someone to come on to a PTSD website and ask for support for the "blues" when there are people out there who are fighting right now just to stay the hell alive. (Yes, me.) There are people here who were raped as children, witnessed horrifying acts of war, were brutalized by the very forces entrusted to keep society safe... But you're just a little sad. Sorry, I wasn't smacked upside the head with an empathy stick today (but I've got plenty of SYMPATHY to go around [see the sympathy vs. empathy thread]).

Please see a therapist. Not a trauma therapist, as you don't have any trauma. In other words, you are NORMAL.

 

[NovemberStar]

I'm a bit confused here too - is your main concern your feeling very numb and having no feelings / depression?

Have you had a trauma happen to you at any time in your life?

If you have not have anything traumatic happen to you, then you cannot have PTSD.

Also, even if you have had something traumatic happen to you - it also does not mean you have PTSD - even if you have all the PTSD symptoms, the specifics of the traumatic incident are very narrow in the definition (i.e. - technically you cannot get PTSD from emotional abuse, deep betrayal - even though you might have felt greatly affected by those things, you cannot have PTSD from them) it does no mean you have PTSD - because what constitutes 'trauma' as per the criteria for PTSD is very specific in that the incident had to involve either witnessing, experiencing, or living with the ongoing threat of - sudden death, threat of death, and / or physical injury.

I am curious as to why you thought you might have PTSD - or in your car, you DON'T think you do? why would you post for support on a PTSD site? if you google there are plenty of other online support forums - for depression, for anxiety, for eating disorders - you will probably find a better fit there.

 

[intothelight]

@Solara Since we do not diagnose or encourage self diagnosis, no one is in a position to dismiss another persons symptoms and tell them they do not have any issues. Additionally, no one compares trauma and without knowing someone's entire history, it is impossible to say with any certainty whether or not they have or have not experienced a traumatic event. No one here is qualified to diagnose "normal".

@MsIDon'tEven When something causes an individual concern and disrupts their daily life the most prudent thing to do is to seek the help of a medical professional. The internet is a wonderful tool for researching, but the information can be overwhelming and very scary. You stated that you had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and could this have anything to do with what is happening to you right now? If you were in therapy previously, it might be a good idea to contact your therapist and it is definitely worth the peace of mind.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Solara Since we do not diagnose or encourage self diagnosis, no one is in a position to dismiss another persons symptoms and tell them they do no have any issues. Additionally, no one compares trauma and without knowing someone's entire history, it is impossible to say with any certainty whether or not they have or have not experienced a traumatic event. No one here is qualified to diagnose "normal".

I understand we might not be able to diagnose or say 'what you are feeling isn't significant or is or isn't normal' but if people post on here, saying they are pretty sure they don't have PTSD, they say 'nothing traumatic happened' - I think it's only right we ask more questions - like I did in my post below @Solara 's post. I think she did the right thing suggesting the poster see a therapist (and or a doctor would be good idea too) - but the post itself was pretty hard to respond too with the few seemingly incredibly benign facts in it.

Usually if someone has - or thinks they have - PTSD, they share at least SOMETHING related to PTSD - they might repot nightmares, or flashbacks, or say they can't stop thinking both something that happened, or they have bad memories form childhood or they were in a car accident, or went to war, or were told they had a terminal illness… SOMETHING.

Personally I find it very confusing and - I don't know why - but really irritating when people post on the forums where it seems pretty obvious they probably don't have PTSD. I guess I feel similar to @Solara - it feels invalidating to my experience (if that is what i think it is that goes on for me inside in such situations). I think it irritates me too - because I like to think those I support on here, and those i get support from, have the one thing in common with all of us, that brings us here and into the PTSD journey - we have been through a major, severe trauma that is severely impacting our lives in very debilitating ways. That is something very different form what someone else goes through, if they're anxious, sad, depressed, had a relationship break up.

I don't think it's fair - to either the new poster (as in any new posters with similar posts) or to those here with PTSD, if we don't at least point them in the right direction (see a T) and explain what PTSD is or isn't. You're right in that we can't diagnose - even the psychiatrists among us couldn't without doing a face to faces interview - but I'm not sure it's helpful to just assume every lost person who posts on here has PTSD, and if we were to not kindly 'challenge' or ask a few more questions, they'd simply stay here thinking they had PTSD.

(if any of that makes sense - sorry, not being too articulate today).

 

[shandemonium]

Some of you are being a little mean here; none of you really know whether she has experienced trauma; maybe she doesn't remember or does not acknowledge and/or use the word "trauma". Maybe she calls it "bad memories". One or two paragraphs does not qualify you to judge her

This is a site for support and not attack. She did not attack any of us in her initial post, so It's not fair to attack her because we perceive her life as "easier" or whatever.

No one is invalidating your experiences by posting theirs' and asking for support; that is misguided anger. Even if she's not PTSD, she didn't come here to hurt anyone, so CHILL

 

[intothelight]

There is nothing wrong with asking questions or encouraging someone to get a professional diagnosis. Pointing someone in the right direction and providing information is very appropriate a you have done.

 

[Justmehere]

Depression (with or without PTSD) can cause the very same kind of numbness and flatness that you describe. So can the effects of recreational drugs.

Not eating and nutritional deficiencies that come with eating disorders can sometimes also lead to numbing (according to my old nutritionist.)

The tearfulness also sounds fitting for depression.

Some of the same things that help PTSD symptoms can help for depression too. Excercise will boost endorphins, b vpitamins, sunshine, grounding skills and mindfulness can all help too. Medication can help as well.

Part of depression is feeling hopeless. You sound scared that this will last for a long time. Chances are that it won't. It will likely change and get better, no matter what this is. So when you feel like this may not end, try to remember those very thoughts are not accurate, they are a part of what you are battling.

 

[MsIDon'tEven]

I would like to thank all of your for your responses, and apologize to those who I may have offended. I completely understand why my post may have been confusing and/or vague. I was trying to express how I was feeling in an efficient manner, rather than go on and on, as that might turn away supporters, which I genuinely need right now. Moreover, I posted in this section specifically because it said "Other Symptoms & Disorders", which I believed meant that I could ask about symptoms that I was having that may or may not be due to PTSD (hence, other disorders). I am very, very sorry if I misunderstood.

As for your questions on whether I have ever suffered trauma (that is, close to the severity of which you gave as examples), I have. However it was far in the past, and I could not detect any triggers related specifically to it to have started my numbness. I would also not call what I have "the blues" - I am very aware of my emotions, and am able to deal with them accordingly. This numbness is completely and utterly new to me, I do not know how to deal with it, and it has left me terrified.

Again I would like to thank those who have replied for their kind words. I will be going to see my therapist soon, and hopefully I can find some answers.

Once more, I apologize to anyone who I may have offended. That was not my intent.

 

[Justmehere]

People with eating disorder/depression histories rarely show up on a PTSD forum just looking for attention for the blues. I wondered if there was any trauma in your background. It makes sense that there is.

People will share their honest opinions here, and you can take and try to leave what fits and doesn't fit.

It's seems pretty clear that you never meant any offense.

You are welcome to be here.

Any trauma can lead to later development of PTSD and PTSD symptoms can show up without a known trigger. I wonder if people leaving might be a trigger for you? It is often a trigger for people with attachment difficulties related to trauma.

Triggers sometimes don't have clear sources. For example, I have never had any trauma with loud noises. However, loud noises still can trigger me.

If the numbness is more of a PTSD symptom, much of the same feedback still applies as it does for depression. Work on learning good coping skills and find a good therapist you trust. One with some trauma experience is best if there is any remote trauma in your background.

There is much reason for hope. It can get better: Try not to fear the numbness. Being anxious about being numb may lead to feeling more numb, Try to remind yourself that it's a survival mechanism. It's just your brain coping the best way it knows how. When I feel numb, I do things that would help me when I feel anxious or sad, even when I don't feel anxious or sad. This gets at the underlying emotion that's triggering the numbness If someone is numb due to depression, this would still be helpful to do.