Trust With Your Therapist - Or Not?

[nor]

oh nic, I am so sorry she made you feel so intrusive.

I brought that up to my T as well-asking him personal stuff. And he simply stated that if he didn't want to answer, he would simply say so. I told him that his response would be a rejection, and would hurt. And I would be embarrassed for having asked. Therefore, I admonish myself for even having considered asking him anything personal. Can't "trust" the response I might get.

I totally agree with you. If you are on guard about your questions to them, how can you trust they understand what you are talking about, how can you trust they will be empathetic to your feelings.

Yes, oh yes.....trust is a very key concept.

 

[linasmom]

I see things a little differently. When I decided to go to therapy, I knew what that would entail, and I assume that all of us know what therapy entails, it means we will have to divulge our traumatic events in order to heal ourselves. To go into therapy, something that I seek out for myself, and not tell all on purpose, is counter-productive in my eyes. I would have to seriously ask myself why I was in therapy in the first place - is it to pacify my fragile and irrational state of mind or is it to learn how to face my traumas, deal with them and cope with the resulting symptoms? I'm surely not paying someone with a PHD hundreds of all dollars a session to pacify me, I'm paying him to do his job. He is not my friend. He is not a member of my family. He is my Therapist, a professional. I do not expect him to do anything more than his job, and if I don't like the style in which he works, then I will find a new one. I would not take his particular "style" personally and if I do (and I HAVE), again I find a new one.

I don't go into the supermarket and expect that they do their job differently simply because I don't like the way in which they choose to sell their food, I simply find a new grocery store, but I would never starve myself.

To stay with a therapist that one doesn't trust or doesn't fit one's "style", is harmful and a waste of time. If you generally like your therapist but at times, your therapist pushes you in ways that feel uncomfortable and not to your liking, I take that more as a reflection of the patient and not the therapist. A person is either willing to heal or not.

I hope this doesn't sound as if I don't believe in a patient having a say regarding their health, because I do believe in that concept. However, like Herc, I have noticed a lot of posts about not wanting to "go there" in therapy and I've wondered to myself why that person is in therapy in the first place.

I'm not a therapist, that's why I hire one.

Best,
Rachel

 

[nic]

While I have had a few different doctors and therapists over the years, I find it hard to "shop" for a new one because for one thing, my very few seem to take my insurance. Also, when I switch, I feel like I have to start all over, telling my story to someone new and all that.

 

[linasmom]

I totally understand, Nic, as I have been there. But, no one said it was easy. I hope I'm not coming off as too harsh.

 

[spiritofnow]

I can only speak for myself in answering the main theme of this question.

I guess for a long time I have worn a mask or hid behind the facade of a particular persona. I did not do this knowingly or with an alteria motive it came from a subconscious level. I was lost to myself!

I thought that to be accepted and to accept myself I had to present the positive attributes of who I am in life. Being, happy, strong, successful and assertive. I shunned all the other stuff that was under the surface, the self loathing, depression, feeling like a failure, blah blah. This is where I lived in 'denial', denial about my past, who I was and how I really felt.

As I move further forwards through the journey of healing I learn more and more and with this learninig I try my best to embrace who I am and offer myself acceptance. Not so easy but I try!

I guess I feel this links in with the question, people not being honest with their T's, comes down to the fact that although living this life is/was a lie, it was who I became. In order to be honest with a T I firstly had to begin unwrapping all of these layers so that I could indeed even highlight how I felt. Soemtimes, I still forget that I don't have to be strong 'spirit' I am allowed to show my vulnerabilties and ask for help. Sometimes, I am still scared too! Not sure how too?

I guess this is why some people go in and come out with the same issues, until they can see their own truths. When they are truly ready they will share honestly and openly. Afterall, a therapist just faciltates healing, we have to be ready for that process and until we feel truly ready and learn to trust in ourselves we may never trust them completely.

We all have to start somewhere even if it is not always successful!

Spirit x

 

[dlross]

Sitting here thinking of times I have withheld stuff in therapy. the reason has always been fear. fear of rejection, fear of provoking the rage I would innocently and inexplicably summon upon my head as a child.

So the question then is, why stay with a therapist who has not created an atmospehere of sufficient safety that I can talk about anything and everyhing? Because sometimes some kind of therapy is better than none.

Two years ago when I was in desparate shape, it took me six long months, months in which my mental state continued to deteriorate, to find anyone state funded who would or could see me. Even though the situation with that person was far from ideal and there were things I did not feel safe talking about, it was stabilising, and I stuck with it until two things happened. I realised that I was not going to get done what needed doing with this person. And I was in touch with other professionals I knew I could rely on to find me a good replacement. They have resources and connections I simply don't. So now I am in between, on a waiting list. And that is OK.

 

[grace5555]

I guess I will "open up" and throw my 2 cents into the ring. =) It took me 8-12 months to even begin to trust my T enough to go deep into the pain although I "liked" her and felt relatively safe from the beginning. I have been systematically taught how to not trust so trusting was and is a very difficult thing to get. I now trust her enough to share quite literally everything - she has never shamed me or ridiculed me for what I have been through and how I have coped. She challenges and encourages me constantly and because I now trust her, her voice in my life is invaluable. I am very, very careful at who I allow to speak into my trauma because I am still very fragile, but my T...I can trust and be open to her advice and encouragements.

 

[Cindy]

interesting ? I'll tell you why for me ...

The times I limit my sharing is because I can't wrap myself around the thoughts to clearly present them. They are still in the jumbled state. Sometimes I skirt the issue to try and bring clarity to the thoughts and maybe state them but usually it takes another week for me to clean them up.

Another reason I sometimes limit my discussion with the therapist is I know what he is going to say, and I don't want to hear it again. I know this is probably faulty thinking because he may not say what I think.

Just last week I became suicidal and was seeing my therapist the next day. I didn't call him because I didn't (couldn't) get into it without getting more upset and risking a hospitallization which would really disrupt the whole cart.
I did share it with him the following evening. I did manage to move on and distract myself by sorting beads for three hours. No sleep that night. But I made it through.

I get what you are all saying about the trust is key. I do trust my therapist.
I just need the control of my own choices sometimes. I guess I look at it as a way to manage the amount of pain I walk away with from the constant digging and rooting around through my gut and head.

 

[2quilt]

I also, am afraid that what I tell my T will shock him or make him think I am weird or lying.

I once wanted to get into a clinical trial for PTSD and the interview lasted 6 hours! At then end of it, the fella who interviewed me looked at me and with a terrible facial expression, he said, "Wow, you really have a lot of PTSD!" as if I was toxic waste or something. I felt so dirty and I will never get that look he had out of my memory.

I never want to get that reaction from another human being.

 

[linasmom]

This topic and its subsequent replies have triggered me. I came on last night to reply to this thread again and I found myself consumed with anger and anxiety. I don't know why.

I'm angry again as I write this.

I'm perplexed yet fully understand the reasoning behind not telling your T everything. I feel that the reasons behind not telling your T everything are irrational, though. A therapist's job in life is to assess not judge. Have the majority of people posting to this thread actually had a therapist who judged them? OR was a response to your trauma by a therapist perceived as being judgmental by you, the patient? Let's be honest with ourselves here - most of us suffer from distorted thinking and become extremely reactionary when we are triggered (hey, maybe I'm doing it right now??!!).

I'm just curious, how many people here have tried rationalizing this problem within their own head?

Just because your doctor does something that you don't like doesn't mean he is not trustworthy! To expect someone, anyone, to act how you want them to act, when you want them to do so, is completely absurd in my book. Maybe I'm reading all of these replies incorrectly and again, for some reason I have become triggered and it seems that all I can see from these posts are people who want dogs instead of doctors.

I truly and deeply hope that I have not offended anyone and if I have, then I apologize.

Best,
Rachel

 

[linasmom]

a smoke can do wonders. I think I'm able now to use some brevity and articulate what is disturbing me about this thread.

I strongly believe in personal responsibility. The posts in this thread have come across, to me, like people are refusing to take on the personal responsibility that goes hand in hand with going to therapy and healing oneself.

Best,
Rachel

 

[spiritofnow]

I strongly believe in personal responsibility. The posts in this thread have come across, to me, like people are refusing to take on the personal responsibility that goes hand in hand with going to therapy and healing oneself.
Best,
Rachel

I agree with what you have said! If you read my thread I have tried to outline some of the issues that I believe cause people to feel this way, (not trust in therapy).

I agree too with what others' on here have also said, shame, fear of rejection, trust all hinder our progress. These are just things that take time for us to work through. I don't feel that this equates to people negating persoanl responisibilty in all circumstances, some just take longer to own it!

You are Okay to feel angry, perhaps as you have outlined you are tapping in to your own feelings? We are each on an individual journey and will learn different aspects as we travel along. Embrace your anger and explore it, challenge why you are?!

Just remember we are all complex beings with different perspectives on life as well as PTSD. Personal responsibility is key, to own it, to see it, and to undertsand how to use it for our greater good!


Spirit x